I'm currently awake around 6:00 a.m because I haven't gotten any sleep yet. I have suffered from anxiety most of my life, but was able to deal with it. My junior year of high school I decided for myself I should go see therapy for it. I started that and my the next year I was taking anti depressants and adderral. I wen't off to college and starting becoming happy with life again and having a great time. Then I made a horrible decision of trying mushrooms last Feb. It was a traumatizing experience to say the least. The whole 6-7 hour trip was one of horrible panic attacks of anxiety fueled by the drug. After that I developed a head twitch and became overly self aware of myself. I was a part of a fraternity on campus and and ending up beating up my pledge brother because I thought he was making fun of my difference in behavior. I took a leave of absence and didn't finish that year due to a couple breakdowns. I went through a drama packed summer with my family and continued school back home at my state, but hate it. I don't socialize anymore and I was taking xanax from the incident for about 8 months, but stopped everything a month ago in hope that I can get better naturally. I don't want to have to rely on a pill my whole life, but now I can barley leave my house anymore. I'm 19 years old and I don't feel anything close to the person I used to be, I'm seriously pathetic. Social interaction makes me scared for reasons I don't know why. I'm loosing all my friends, failing out of college, have no job, have no girl, and I have no plans for my future. I makes me so angry because I know I can accomplish a lot, I just don't do it and I'm fairly attractive, but it's no use when I can't talk to girls anymore. I feel trapped with no way out and I feel like I will never get out of this hell.