Dear, whomever might be listening (Well reading). My name is Melvin. I'm 20 and I've been suffering from the worst anxiety of all time since this all began 3 years ago, today. Today I was asking myself, am I really having a heart attack, or what else could it be?(Note: First panic attack in about 8 months). So what did I do? I dropped to the floor, did 25 pushups, 25 situps, 10pullups. Seemed my heart wasn't about to explode.. Weird. Because it sure as hell felt like it was going to.
I woke up this morning, Christmas Day, to find myself in a state that i cannot even begin to describe.. It was horrifying.. I woke up, everything was a blur, my face hurt, my legs hurt. Vision wise, everything was cloudy, feeling a little unreal, that weird sensation you get when you feel like you're in a dream, sadly I wasn't though. Every minute I felt worse and worse, but I put a smile on, and enjoyed the time around my family for once. I couldn't help but to sit there and think about my anxiety.. Which of course made it a thousand times worse.. Ugh.. I just wanted to have a good Christmas..
Things stressing me out; I Just moved from Oregon to Arizona, about 3 months ago, still haven't found a job here. My dad has a minor surgery tomorrow, which I really don't think is causing my anxiety, it could be effecting it, but the cause? nah. I wanted to join the Air National Guard. But i know that's pretty much impossible with my anxiety, nice wish right? lol.
Ugh.. Anyways.. I'm about to hit rock bottom again.. And just like last time, i need some help here guys :/ A few weeks ago, I had a sore throat so i went to the doctor and my blood pressure was 165/102 which is bad.. I've had this anxiety and stuff for 3 years straight.. My blood pressure spikes like that, especially around doctors. She didn't seem to be worried so I'm not worrying about it to much.. Well I am actually :/ It's driving me insane.. Which is causing it to spike more.. My anxiety has been like this for 3 years. Every few months, i'll catch an amazing break and i'll be okay for like 6+ months.. Then something happens and this whole thing goes crazy again..
I just don't know what to do.. I feel so helpless and like i'm going insane.. I don't want to loose myself