I have been suffering from panic attacks and agoraphobia more than I ever have in my life over the last five months. I always knew that I was a shy, reserved person but when I had my first panic attack when I was in my early teens, I never really understood the impact it would have over the rest of my life. At first, I could deal with the panic attacks easily. Sure, when it first happened I was beyond shocked as to what was happening to me. But I learned strategies such as taking deep breaths and if possible trying to find a quiet place where I could calm myself. It all seemed to be fine until I graduated from high school. I quickly realized my friends were the only thing from keeping me to completely collapse. When everyone moved away to their "dream colleges" I was stuck in my hometown at my community college. There were a few people I recognized from high school at my community college, but none that stayed in my life for very long. I tried really hard to make friends and try to make up a new life for myself and that was when my panic accelerated at a speed I could barely control. I was so focused on trying to move on, it was like my body was trying to fight back saying, "Morgan, you don't need friends" and that was when I completely lost it. My second year into college, I let my thoughts overrun any previous decisions about making a new life for myself. When I saw people post things on ***** and all the other social media, about them getting married, and having babies and traveling around the world, my heart clenched because I wanted it so bad, but my compulsive thoughts of "thats not ever going to happen" "no ones ever going to want to be with someone like me" really kicked in. I found myself not really caring about my studies anymore and if I ever ran into someone who wanted to hang out I would offer every excuse in the book to turn them down. I felt so bad doing it too, because I really wanted to do hang out with them. I was just too afraid. I found that I had become scared of supermarkets, getting on the highway, anything that would put me out of my normal routine. Everyday I went to school, work then home and if something came up and I had no other choice to do it, I would hear my heart beating in my ears every second I was forced to be somewhere I was uncomfortable being. I never wanted to leave my house. I spent all summer in my bed doing nothing. While other kids my age were out doing fun, exciting things.At this point, even my daily tasks were getting too much to handle. I didn't want to be in class because I was afraid someone would try to talk to me. The same thing happened at work, too. At work I used to be confident and never doubted myself. But, when my supervisor asked me to take over one day I could hear my heart in my ears again and that unsettling feeling in my stomach start to crawl over me. I was having a panic attack, when people needed me most. When my co-workers and employees needed me I stood there, like a complete statue, then ran away to the bathroom. It's amazing I still have a job, considering that awful day, but somehow I do. I'm just so done with feeling this way. I used to be reasonably easy going and personable, now I'm a complete mess. I imagine the worse case scenario for anything and I just wish for one second I can turn it all off.