Chat Now!   Member Gallery    Member Articles    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News  Bored?

Author Topic: My Story with Panic and Agoraphobia  (Read 336 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline morgan060

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 2
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
My Story with Panic and Agoraphobia
« on: December 24, 2013, 02:24:28 AM »
 I have been suffering from panic attacks and agoraphobia more than I ever have in my life over the last five months. I always knew that I was a shy, reserved person but when I had my first panic attack when I was in my early teens, I never really understood the impact it would have over the rest of my life. At first, I could deal with the panic attacks easily. Sure, when it first happened I was beyond shocked as to what was happening to me. But I learned strategies such as taking deep breaths and if possible trying to find a quiet place where I could calm myself. It all seemed to be fine until I graduated from high school. I quickly realized my friends were the only thing from keeping me to completely collapse. When everyone moved away to their "dream colleges" I was stuck in my hometown at my community college. There were a few people I recognized from high school at my community college, but none that stayed in my life for very long. I tried really hard to make friends and try to make up a new life for myself and that was when my panic accelerated at a speed I could barely control. I was so focused on trying to move on, it was like my body was trying to fight back saying, "Morgan, you don't need friends" and that was when I completely lost it. My second year into college, I let my thoughts overrun any previous decisions about making a new life for myself. When I saw people post things on ***** and all the other social media, about them getting married, and having babies and traveling around the world, my heart clenched because I wanted it so bad, but my compulsive thoughts of "thats not ever going to happen" "no ones ever going to want to be with someone like me" really kicked in. I found myself not really caring about my studies anymore and if I ever ran into someone who wanted to hang out I would offer every excuse in the book to turn them down. I felt so bad doing it too, because I really wanted to do hang out with them. I was just too afraid. I found that I had become scared of supermarkets, getting on the highway, anything that would put me out of my normal routine. Everyday I went to school, work then home and if something came up and I had no other choice to do it, I would hear my heart beating in my ears every second I was forced to be somewhere I was uncomfortable being. I never wanted to leave my house. I spent all summer in my bed doing nothing. While other kids my age were out doing fun, exciting things.At this point, even my daily tasks were getting too much to handle. I didn't want to be in class because I was afraid someone would try to talk to me. The same thing happened at work, too. At work I used to be confident and never doubted myself. But, when my supervisor asked me to take over one day I could hear my heart in my ears again and that unsettling feeling in my stomach start to crawl over me. I was having a panic attack, when people needed me most. When my co-workers and employees needed me I stood there, like a complete statue, then ran away to the bathroom. It's amazing I still have a job, considering that awful day, but somehow I do. I'm just so done with feeling this way. I used to be reasonably easy going and personable, now I'm a complete mess. I imagine the worse case scenario for anything and I just wish for one second I can turn it all off.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Cuchculan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10430
  • Country: ie
  • Rec's: 161
  • Gender: Male
    • Poke This Member
Re: My Story with Panic and Agoraphobia
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2013, 05:59:31 AM »
The glory of a life of anxiety. I think we could all write similar stories. I once had nearing 50 friends. Think these days I see 1 person and that does be it. I began to go indoors. Stayed there for a decade. Watched life go by and with it went all those friends. Accepting this did help a lot. That was accepting that the old life I had was over. I had a new life and had to try and make what I could from the new life. I did get fed up sitting in my bedroom doing nothing. So then came the fight back. It is never easy. It can take time. It is a bit like a new born baby. Like we have to learn to do things all over again. Scrap everything we know. Clean sheet and begin to work our way back up that ladder again. I had to get used to trains and buses and shops. Things I had not been near in years. Then there was people as well. With people I always done things at my own pace. I would take a step back. Slow myself down. Deep breath. Once I done things slowly I was fine. If I ever tried to rush anything I would make a mess of things. Going back out to begin with began with five minutes stints and then ten minutes. Building it up as I went along. The more you do and see you can do, the more you want to take on. But setbacks do occur and we have to accept this. Bad days and good days. Just try and not rush anything. Set your own pace in life. Do things on your own terms. Bit like saying that you are in control. It won't be easy to begin with. But it can be done. You simply have to believe in yourself.
Bookmark and Share
The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline CarrieAnn

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 391
  • Rec's: 13
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: My Story with Panic and Agoraphobia
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2013, 10:36:04 PM »
Hi Morgan, I just wanted you to know you're not alone in what you're feeling. I've always been on the quiet side myself, and have experienced many situations like the ones you described, but things do get better, it just takes tiny baby steps to get you where you want to be. Don't give up! :)
Bookmark and Share

Offline morgan060

  • Just Joined!
  • Posts: 2
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: My Story with Panic and Agoraphobia
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2013, 08:47:46 PM »
Thank you guys so much for your encouraging words :) it feels so nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.
Bookmark and Share

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
16 Replies
1472 Views
Last post May 29, 2009, 07:20:11 PM
by Neelee
4 Replies
765 Views
Last post January 04, 2014, 08:16:20 AM
by Julie A. Cook
3 Replies
448 Views
Last post December 03, 2013, 11:23:25 AM
by anxiouskathie
2 Replies
241 Views
Last post December 22, 2013, 04:22:00 PM
by pauluk46
1 Replies
397 Views
Last post January 04, 2014, 07:50:06 AM
by Julie A. Cook

anything