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Author Topic: One of my worries as a mother....  (Read 208 times)

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Online AncientMelody

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One of my worries as a mother....
« on: December 20, 2013, 09:04:48 PM »
So, as I sort through my thoughts thee last months, I realize how having an alcoholic parent played a role in shaping the person I am. My dad instilled a lot of good values in me and we never wanted for anything.....I was lucky in a lot of ways. But that doesn't change the fact that his alcohol use affected me.

My worry therefore, is how will my anxiety and depression affect my kids in the long run? They are very small, but events when small leave a lasting imprint on a person. I think of the times crying and them not understanding. Or just mentally disengaging when I am overwhelmed. Definitely something to bring up in therapy...
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Online MobileChucko

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2013, 09:56:11 PM »
Wow Melody!  Great post!  My father was an alcoholic as well.  He actually died at the age of 42 because of his alcoholism.  His sister (my aunt), told my sister and I that he was an alcoholic before he even married my mom.  That would make sense since he died at such a young age.  When you bring that up in therapy, I would be very interested in what you are told, if you feel comfortable sharing that information.  To me, education is one of the biggest keys to life.  I was born in the 1950's, and growing up you never heared the word homosexual, abortion; you never even heard the word divorce.  I realize that there are those who will never understand anxiety/panic attacks/depression, for the illnesses that they are, but when your children are old enough to understand, you might wish to share that information with them.  I think that you will know, if and when it's right to do that.  The best to you, Melody!...  Chuck
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Offline Lam123

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2013, 10:28:59 PM »
Hi!
I  am a mother of a 4 year old and have the exact same fear. I don't want my son to have the same challenges when he's older. I guess that's what motivates me to go to therapy and get better and be the best mom I can be. One day at a time, that's all I can handle and that's ok with me.
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Online tinam7

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2013, 07:33:38 AM »
In my experience the vast, vast change in life was having children. They are grown now. It determined the rest of my life. Was I ready for that huge responsibility? Definitely not. I wonder who ever really is.

Do get all the help you can, do your best to put up a good front for them as much as possible. Let them be your motivation to get better. You so want to be there for them. Their smiles and love are the rewards. They are so very resilient. They just want to be loved.
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Offline doogle2

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2013, 08:03:56 AM »
There is a positive to all this and that is once you have learned all there is to know about anxiety - then you can be there for your kids, if and when they ever develop anything like this shitty illness.

That's how i look at it - I have two kids and I KNOW that they have seen me be affected by anxiety, but as they have got older they have asked me questions and I have answered them openly and honestly and I believe this has dispelled any fears they may have about it. If not then there is a BIG bonus and that is they know that they have a father who has gone through all aspects of anxiety and come through the other side.

So they now know that although anxiety is a rotten illness - it is not permanent, and is something that can be overcome, so the fear of it will never be the same for them. Also they know that if they do ever develop anxiety in their futures, hopefully they won't but if they do, then they know where to turn for help, guidance and advice and that to me is very comforting as I wouldn't wish this shitty thing on my worst enemy let alone my kids.

So if they develop it I will be there - and trust me, so will you.
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The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish ~ Evelyn Waugh

Online tinam7

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2013, 08:31:07 AM »
A beautiful post. Those of us who care deeply for our children (and you do too, AM and Lam), we are always there for them.

To this day, I want them to feel free to bring up anything and help them in any way I can. When they were little, as yours are, I so marveled at their development, to watch them learn to walk, talk, reason, etc. I went so far as to get my credential and teach preschool. Such memories. Such precious time.
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2013, 12:14:11 PM »
My Mom had emotional issues, and had struggles to overcome; she is passed away now, but even though there were sad times in my life growing up, I still remember happy times and am so proud that she was my mother. Anxiety or depression doesn't determine a person's character, you can still be a wonderful, loving mom to your kids and they will love you in return. My Dad also had issues with alcohol, but he had the strength to quit cold turkey when I was about 24 years old. I have some bad memories of him drinking, one in particular, my Mom was in the hospital (emotional reasons) and my Dad decided to go to the local bar in our neighborhood, with me and my sister---we were small children at the time. Well, he got drunk, the bartender drove us home, and my sister and I had to put my Dad to bed, we were so scared. Needless to say, my sister and I grew up way to fast, we never had a childhood because we were taking care of things. My Dad was a great Dad though--always worked 2-3 jobs, Mom did the best she could too, and was extremely loving. So, I think as long as parents do the best they can despite struggle they may have the children won't suffer.
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: One of my worries as a mother....
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2013, 03:20:56 PM »
Forgot to say, love heals, and overcomes anything, and in our home there was an over-pouring abundance of love which is the reason I can look back on what some might say was a hard life and wish I could do it all over again.
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