Hello. My name is Gabby. If you do not have time to read all of this, the important stuff is in red. Sorry if my grammer is bad, I am panicking as we speak. I have had like 5 panic attacks in the past couple of days alone.
For the past 6 months I have been freaking about every little thing that comes around. . . I am so tired.
Here is a little background: I am 15 years old and very depressed. I don't have any friends and I hate my life.
I stress about everything: little things, big things, and things that don't even exist.
6 months ago (june 2013) my arm started hurting. I proably had a pinched nerve or something. But my aching neck and arm also caused my upper left chest breast to hurt. Since by breast was hurting, I was convinced that I had breast cancer. I decided to give myself a breast exam to check for lumps. I SWEAR I thought I felt one. I worried about it for 2.5 weeks straight. Then the pain finally went away. It turns out that what I felt was muscle and not a lump.
A month later, I became convinced that I had a brain tumor. My head had been hurting for 3 days straight. I did not have a tumor in the end, but that did not stop me from worrying constantly for about a week.
2 weeks after that, I saw an ad for lukemia symptoms. It said that one of the symptoms was itching all over. An hour after veiwing that ad, I started itching all over. I was convinced I had it. The itching went away eventually, but I spent hours on the internet searching the symptoms for brain tumor.
2 weeks later my head started hurting again. After worrying and searching on the internet continuously for months, I insisted that my mom take me to the ER. They gave me a catscan. No tumor. I was so relieved. I felt stupid in a way.
A month later I started to see a lot of afterimages. I had already been diagnosed with a slight astigmatism a year earlier. I also THOUGHT I was seeing flashes of light. I live with my grandmother who frequently sees flashes of light which is where i first learned about this eye problem. I went to the eye doctor 3 times in 2 weeks. I got tested for glaucoma, which runs in my family. Thank God I didn't have it. I thought that maybe my doctor was stupid and that I had a detached retina or something. So I went to another eye no In the end the doctor ASSURED me that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and that I was just overly aware of my vision.
This pattern of thinking I had a serious mental problem went on for months. It just recently got EVEN worse a month ago.
2 weeks ago, I had this small spot on my scalp that was tingling. I (mistakenly) decided to look it up on the internet. Everything that I read talked about tingling ALL OVER the body. 20 mins later, I started tingling all over my body. Over the next week, I felt tingles and pricks on random spots on my body- never at the same spot at the same time. Sometimes it would feel like there was a bug inside of my skin that was buzzing. Also over the next week - I constantly worried about why this was happening. I spent SO MANY HOURS on the internet looking up causes. EVERY WEBSITE I GO TO SAYS MS. MS MS MS.
Finally, after a week of worrying myself to death, I begged my grandomother to take me to the ER. They took my blood work and told me everything was ok with that. I also thought that I may have had diabetes (which also runs in my family). I am glad i didn't have that. They told me that I had anxiety and gave me anxiety medication- which made me very sleepy.
MS cant truly be diagnosed with blood work. I already knew this b4 i went. I WANTED AN MRI. If they had given me an MRI, this would all be over (or maybe not). I know MRIs are expensive, but I REALLY NEED ONE. To continue. . . .
A couple of days after I left the hospital, the tingling stopped.. . . but then something else started. My legs started hurting. It is not really a muscular hurt. It only starts to hurt when I stand in one position for a period of time. The pain shoots up the center of my foot and through my lower leg. It only hurts in one leg at a time and alternates daily. My left leg was first, and my right leg was the next day and so on. . . The pain usually happens at night or in the evening. The pain will completely stop if I get into a bathtub of hot water. I have taken 3 SMOKING HOT baths today.
Yesterday evening I started having very small muscle twitches at random spots all over my body. Today, one spot was particularly active - my thigh. The same spot continuously twitched for like 5 mintues. I googled muscle twitches and guess what pops up: ALS. thanks a lot Google.
Ok - so I don't think I have ALS. I hope I don't. MS is the one that has been in the back of my mind continuously for the last 2 weeks. I don't want MS. So I am going back to the hosiptal tommorow. I am going to demand an MRI and I won't leave until they give me one. If I were to have an MRI and have everything come back OK, I know I will be fine. I'll be able to go on with my life.
Do you think I have MS?
Symptoms of MS
Blurred or double vision - I have had none of this.
Thinking problems - not really. besides thinking I am going to die.
Clumsiness or a lack of coordination - nope.
Loss of balance - nope. I can stand on one leg and pull the other one up behind me with my hand.
Numbness - I have had none of this.
Tingling - I had a lot of this for one week.
Weakness in an arm or leg. - I haven't really had weakness, but I have had pain.
abnormal sensations - tingling, pins
bladder problems - nope. none at all.
difficulty walking - nope. not really.
dizziness - none at all.
fatigue - I usually get tired at the end of the day anyway, so i dont know if I have fatigue or not.
sexual difficulties - n/a
speech problems - nope
thinking problems - nope
tremors - yes.
vision problems - my eye did hurt a couple of months ago for a few days
vision loss - nope.
pain in parts of body - yes.
electric shock sensations - not rally.
gait - no
slurred speech - no
heat sensitivity - NO!!! The heat makes it better!!!
cold sensitivity- NO!!!! Extreme cold (outside) also makes it better!!!
I think my health anxiety stems from my EXTREME, IRRATIONAL fear of death. I do not want to die. If I could live forever, I would. I want to live as LONG AS possible.