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Author Topic: Roadblock to relationships  (Read 280 times)

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Offline Kyky89

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Roadblock to relationships
« on: December 16, 2013, 11:01:38 PM »
I have seen a lot of similar posts here on this topic. What I am hoping to find out is how people after years of being single actually entered relationships that were healthy and happy.

So heres my deal. I am almost 25 now and have never had a "real" boyfriend. I have had intimate relationships with men, but usually only when under the influence of alcohol. In fact, in the last three years since I exited the drinking scene (bc I was diagnosed with anxiety and BP) I have not so much as flirted with anyone. It is my deepest desire to find my soul mate and have a family. I never imagined I would would be 25 and single, but the years come and go and I am ready to be proactive about it.

So, in social situations, especially with men, its like I become mentally paralyzed. All I can focus on when in a conversation with someone new or that I am interested in is the current discomfort I am having and the anxiety of not knowing what to say. Mostly I fear that anything I do say will be stupid... yet theres nothing in my head to say anyway! Its awkward and I feel like I am giving off a totally wrong representation of myself. I feel like there is some nonverbal sign I am giving off to men that conveys I am not girlfriend material. My self esteem plummets and only makes matters worse.

I have no idea how to step out of this mindset and actually be myself. I think there are several things I can bring to the table in a relationship, and in general Im not unpleasant to be around for the people Im close to, but I just can't figure out how to overcome the paralysis and convey myself properly. Has anyone had this type of experience? Has anyone overcome it and how??? I would really appreciate some help, thank you!
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Online GenSec

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Re: Roadblock to relationships
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2013, 09:03:18 AM »
Hi Kyky,

My advice to you would be to honestly not worry about being 25 and still single. :winking0008: I'm 28 and still single! Well, recently single. ::)

My only real relationship finally happened when i was 27 years old. Previously, like you, i'd had some intimate experience with others, but not much. By nature i'm quite a reserved, traditional person so it was never my intention to become too intimate with another person until i was in a relationship that was going somewhere serious. Thats polite talk for saying i'm a bit of a prude, lol. :laugh: The fact that i'm relatively a late starter compared to most people out there never concerned me. I wanted to wait til the the right person and right moment. :happy0062:

As for you being diagnosed with BP, i don't see that ever preventing a good man from loving you for who you are. My mother is BP and she's been in a decent relationship for over 10 years now. Previous to that she was with my father for almost 20 years (and it failed in the end because of his behaviour). If someone loves you for the special person you are then they'll learn to adapt to these things so they can share their life together with you.

As for finding it challenging to sustain a conversation with men you like, i'm not a brilliant conversationalist myself yet i manage to get by! In fact i'm pretty boring. :yawn: My advice is just to do what i do - encourage the other person to talk about themselves! People love to talk about themselves! :laugh3: If you patiently listen and show interest, they'll appreciate it. I may not be a dazzling conversationalist, but people (particularly ladies) seem to appreciate me because i'm a good listener.

Best wishes,
Gen.

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