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Author Topic: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST  (Read 474 times)

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Offline BlizzardThunder

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Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« on: December 12, 2013, 08:00:10 AM »
This post is really long, so please bear with me. It was much longer and this is the shortest I could make it. I would really appreciate responses.

Starting in early June of this year, I developed a deathly fear of developing a psychotic disorder. Since then, anxiety has taken over my life. The anxiety has spread from being 100% about developing a psychotic disorder to being about EVERYTHING. Let me explain more.

   I am looking for things to have delusions about. Just looking at a poster will make me force a delusional photographed  thought, such as the person in the poster watching me. I donít actually believe that the person in the poster is watching me, but I get really anxious over the fact that Iím having the thought itself. Then I will go on to think that I am having the anxiety not because of having the delusional thought, but because I actually believe the thought. This creates a vicious cycle of anxiety.

    I am looking to have hallucinations, too. Often times I think that I am having auditory hallucinations, but every time this happens, there is good reason to believe that what I am hearing is real (such as the TV being on or somebody else hearing the same thing.) Starting about two days ago, I started to think that I am having visual hallucinations also. I have not found a way to prove that I am not having visual hallucinations, but when I think that Iím having them, iím just seeing a light or blur in the corner of my eye. My glasses are often dirty and more often than not, I am looking at a screen, so there is no reason to think that this is abnormal.

    When Iím really anxious, I will feel like something is touching my shoulder. Itís the same kind of feeling that you get when you feel like somebody is watching you. I donít actually think that somebody is watching me, but I do get uneasy. Often times, I confuse anxiety with paranoia, or maybe itís the other way around.

    I have been obsessing about irrational things, which is, as of right now, worrying me the most. Most recently, there is this girl who I have been obsessing over (iíve known her for a long time and talk to her on ***** every day, although I have only met her in person twice) and itís caused me some really irrational anxiety, such as thinking that sheís ignoring me because I havenít talked to her in a day. On top of that, I have had thoughts that she is talking to another one of my friends and theyíre both avoiding me, even though thatís not true. In addition to those two things, every time I think about her, talk to her, or talk to my other friend involved, I get this really weird paranoid-esqe feeling of anxiety thatís been making me very uneasy and depressed over the last couple of days. I donít know if Iím more anxious about the thoughts themselves or just the fact that Iím having these thoughts.

    Below is a list of other symptoms that I have. These symptoms are no less-important than the ones that I made entire paragraphs about, but I cannot make a paragraph about every symptom. Let me just tell you that these symptoms have been getting worse with time and have hampered my ability to live life normally. These symptoms are caused by anxiety (in my opinion) and cause more anxiety. Itís a vicious circle.

Symptoms:
1. Constant cognitive impairment
         1. Inability to concentrate
         2. Trouble understanding fairly simple concepts
         3. Poor math and language skills
2. Anxiety
         1. Constant worrying
         2. Racing thoughts
         3. Inability to stop thinking negatively
         4. Health anxiety (fear of developing psychotic disorder) that builds on itself
         5. Constant looking out for me to hallucinate/have delusions
         6. Going deep into unrealistic and anxiety-causing hypotheticals

3. Depression
    1. Loss of interest in hobbies.
    2. Dulled emotions
    3. Anger, Irritability
   
4. Thought Disorder
         1. Mild loose associations
         2. Doing things/thinking the same thought over and over for no reason
         3. Thinking in ways that don't make sense when trying to sleep
         4. Randomly be reminded of certain things, like dreams or real life experiences


Before I finish this post, let me say that my mom has a psychotic disorder and I am in the prime age range to develop a psychotic disorder. I have a history of health anxiety and obsessing over things, but Itís never been this bad and I have not been diagnosed with any type of anxiety disorder. However, I do have ADHD, which means that I have a higher chance of developing an anxiety disorder.

I want to thank you for reading this entire post and I want to encourage you to respond. Sorry for any disorganisation, I wasnít thinking clearly when I wrote this.
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2013, 08:22:13 AM »
Hi BlizzardThunder and welcome to forums! Nice to have you aboard.

Firstly, your post is very organized and it seems your thoughts also. Now I'm kind of giving you reassurance which I don't like doing  :spineyes: and I will explain why is that in just a bit.
I also experienced fear of psychosis years back and understand well what you are going through. With time I discovered that analyzing things, like everything I see, hear etc. only brings on more anxiety. For example: I heard a distant music playing and my tired anxious brain went: oh oh...what if I'm the only one who hears that? I need to quickly check out if others hear it too. Well, that was a bad way to go. Fearing psychosis is actually fearing losing control and trying to be in control at all times is crazy stressful. That is why it brings on more anxiety and doubt. Nothing in life is 100%, absolute control is impossible. So why not just let things be and focus our energy on learning how to accept the uncertainty in our lives, accepting that future cannot be 100% predicted or planned, accepting that we may get sick and that we will die one day?

What helped me was letting these thoughts be, let them buzz at the back of your brain. Checking things, reassurance thinking is basically compulsive behavior so I do not reccomend it. I'm also on meds for my depression and anxiety.
What I would reccomend is for you to address the anxiety in a proper way. I cannot diagnose you, noone here can, but based on what you wrote that might be your primary problem.
There are ways to feel better even if it feels hopeless at times!

Wishing you all the best, feel better soon.
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
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Offline geo_eccentric

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2013, 03:33:08 PM »
I'm right there with you, and it's not the first time either. I'm experiencing most of what you described, especially #2 and #6 in the anxiety section. Physically dealing with the symptoms does get easier with experience, I can say that. Then when you've set aside the fears enough, you can quickly tackle the bad, habitual thoughts and move on right away. In my experience, this makes them less likely to bother you again in the future. And even if they do, it reminds you that you have beaten them before.
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Offline BlizzardThunder

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2013, 05:33:32 AM »
Yeah dude, after looking at some of your posts, we are going through similar things. It's nice to know that somebody else is going through the same thing.
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Offline MITRush

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2013, 09:27:35 PM »
If you want to stay away from a psychotic disorder, stay away from street drugs.  I doubt you would do them in your highly anxious state, but I just want to put that out there.  This is the only thing I make a hard fast rule against.  And no I'm not saying everybody who has a psychotic disorder has done street drugs, I am just telling you that they can tip the scales against you.  Other than that, I venture to say you are safe.

You're post only tells me that you are in a highly sensitized state, not that you are in danger of anything greater.  I know you need reassurance and I am giving it here.  I can certainly understand why you'd be afraid, given the family history, that would give anybody a lick of tension.  It would suggest seeing a professional, whether therapist, doctor, etc.  Whatever you are most comfortable with.  The only reason I suggest this is so that you have the professional reassurance that your problem is only an anxiety state.

I suggest reading a book by Claire Weekes or Paul David.  It certainly help put my mind to rest, realizing that nothing physically dangerous is happening and that overly sensitized nerves can only do so much.  I have been through everything you detailed in this post, and now I feel so much better.  A big step in the right direction will be in becoming convinced that your problem is only anxiety, and this is the main reason I suggested visiting a professional.

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Offline Bcollinsix

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2013, 12:59:27 AM »
I'd say you have an anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed with psychosis a little less than a year ago. I held delusional beliefs that I was selling my soul to the devil and no matter what anyone told me I still believed it. That's psychosis. Strong beliefs no matter how crazy it is, as well as hallucinations. And I got it from smoking weed, although I would have gotten it from drinking too because I am genetically vulnerable to psychosis. It's called substance induced psychosis. Good luck.
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Offline BlizzardThunder

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2013, 11:57:36 AM »
It's good to hear a good deal of reassurance.

Also, the first reply of mine in this thread was intended to go to another thread. Sorry about that......
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Offline Starlys80

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2013, 08:23:31 PM »
I can relate to a lot of your symptoms. I am always questioning things I see and hear! I will hear a noise and wonder, did that really happen or is all in my mind? Am I going crazy? The scary thing is when I am in that period between wake and sleep I actually DO experience auditory and visual hallucinations. That makes me question my sanity even further! But these hallucinations are actually very common so I keep trying to tell myself that. The fact is anxiety heightens your sense of vision and hearing and in a sensitized state you will notice audio and visual stimuli more acutely. For instance, I am always seeing stuff in my peripheral vision that freaks me out. Then I learned that an increase in adrenaline causes your vision to be more sensitive and that's why this happens. It's all that pesky flight or flight response built into our genes.
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2013, 09:22:15 PM »
Good you guys take a look into my most recent post too under the GAD section I'm also going thru a tuff time with this!

http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,80134.0.html
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2013, 09:24:00 PM »
Could*
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Offline ChimpMelons

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Re: Anxiety or psychotic disorder? LONG POST
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2013, 01:04:27 AM »
Wow Blizzard Thunder what your experiencing kind of sounds like what I am going through as well. For instance if I think of a scene or thought too hard, I feel like it happened but I know it didn't happened. So yeah If I thought someone was watching me or if I thought that I was super man, I would begin to get anxious about those thoughts because I somehow trick myself into falsely believing them. Plus I also have this brainfog / cognitive impairment issue. I am currently taking Zoloft for it. Will Zoloft help me with my anxiety and brainfog?
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