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Author Topic: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!  (Read 413 times)

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Offline CaliforniaDreamer

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Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« on: December 11, 2013, 12:17:01 AM »
I will try to keep this as short as possible.

After giving birth 18 months ago, my body went out of  control with symptoms so my anxiety really began. One of the many tests I had soon after giving birth was having an ultrasound done of all my major organs. This was done at a school like place that was run by a non profit, no doctors on site.

Everything came back normal except my breasts. They said I had 3 possible cysts on my breasts (2 on right, 1 on left breast.) They asked if I had a history of BC in my family (I don't.) So they said it may be cysts or it could be clogged mild ducts (I had just given birth a month before the ultrasound.)

My big mistake is that they told me.to.go get a mammogram or go back there to recheck 3 months later. Well I never did those things because my mind was so consumed with cardiac and neurological fears. Now my fears have.moved on to going to the doctor. I know I have to.go soon.but I am.so so.scared. To top it off I get a lot of pain in my right breast and also have been having itchy.breasts. Deep.down I know I have BC and it.has spread because.I have a lot.of back pain and twinges. It's been 17 months so it has to have spread if it is cancer.

I just need someone to relate to, I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I've been crying in the closet off and on all day thinking about my daughter and husband having to see me suffer and die. I know now 32 isn't too young to have BC, it seems like I hear stories all the time.

Please anyone have any words?
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Offline patagonia816

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2013, 01:38:04 AM »
Cysts are common. I've never been pregnant but I know when they swell with breast milk they can itch. Also, I am not so sure cancer causes twitches. Anxiety definitely causes twitches. I convinced myself I had a neurological disorder and all these crazy symptoms started showing up. They're all gone now....and now I just get the panic attacks. Do yourself a favor and go to the doc for peace of mind. Don't drive yourself crazy like this. I am sure everything will be okay.

B
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We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde

Offline kcg13

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2013, 07:27:57 AM »
Mine changed after nursing 2 kids.  I get a cyst or 2 with my cycle.  It has been checked, all is fine.  Never had them before kids.  I think that is all normal.  Kids change your body.  That doesn't mean anything bad is happening just maybe you get cysts now. 
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"If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be we're all ok.  And not to worry cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these...." - "Hands" - Jewel

Offline CaliforniaDreamer

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2013, 10:41:01 AM »
Thank you both very much, this helped calm my fears a bit more today.

Yesterday, I made the mistake of googling images of breast cancer on an ultrasound and some of the pictures look so much like mine. The flip side is is they also look like cysts on ultrasound.

I really hope I am ok, I am going to try to make an appoitment for Friday.

Anyone else?
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Offline kcg13

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2013, 11:23:54 AM »
I would definitely do no more googling.  Esp of pictures.  I know we want to be, but we are not Drs & even if you think that pic looks like yours, you have no idea what you are looking at.  When I got my cyst checked, I thought it was hard & immovable.  When the Dr felt it, she explained it was really soft & movable.  When I told her what I thought of it, she told me I didn't have anything to compare it to & comparatively speaking, it was not hard & immovable.  My point in telling you this is: we are not qualified to make these decisions, as much as we want to be.  The best thing to do is get a breast exam & leave it as that.  If the Dr requests further testing, get it done.  If he does NOT then let it go.  Do NOT make your own requests.  You are not the Dr, it is your HA talking. Then follow his instructions, like if he wants you to do self exams or follow ups, and let it be.  That's the only way to work through your HA.  It is really hard to do, but it is what you must do.  Hope this helps.
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"If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be we're all ok.  And not to worry cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these...." - "Hands" - Jewel

Offline CaliforniaDreamer

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2013, 12:13:52 PM »
Thanks a lot kcg. You are very right, I am usually not one to google anymore, but something came over me yesterday.

The thing is, I've been doing self exams every month, and don't feel any lumps. I'm guessing you can't always feel them depending on location!?

Now on to the hard part, making the appointment.
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2013, 01:01:44 PM »
Did you make the appointment? If you're so worried, this is the best thing to do. So you can start enjoying life with your man and little girl again.
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Offline CaliforniaDreamer

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2013, 01:54:09 PM »
Hi Daphne, thanks for asking, to be honest it gave me a push to make the call.

I did get an appointment, but it is not till Monday Dec. 23rd. Kind of a bad day, since if I have to have labs or anything, they will be closed for x-mas eve and x-mas, so I know I may have a nervous holiday. I just wanted to get it over with and take the soonest appointment.

Crossing my fingers, thank you.
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2013, 02:45:29 PM »
You made the first big step. You can be really proud of yourself! And you can always ask if they can also put you on a "reserve list". So if someone cancels his/her appointment you get a call and maybe even get in earlier.
Can you talk about this with your husband?
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Offline CaliforniaDreamer

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2013, 03:24:01 PM »
True, I hate that it has become so hard to just go to the doctor, when just last year all I wanted to do was go! I did ask to be called.if someone cancels.

Yes, actually he was really encouraging me to make the appointment, to stop googling, and that everything will be fine. He really is a positive person and has zero anxiety, I envy him..lol.

Thanks for all the help.
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: Think I made a horrible mistake...please help!
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2013, 06:16:37 AM »
My man is the same. I envy him a lot, but I also try to let him comfort me. Its easy to keep all of your fears inside your head, and try to do this alone, but sharing your fears helps, or you will start to feel like you're about to explode with anxiety.
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