Hi, I'm brand new here and I need help. I have GAD, trichotillomania, and pure o OCD. I have developed a SEVERE, irrational obsessive fear that I already am or am going to go insane. It's so bad that when I have the thoughts that convince me it's almost paralyzing, and I don't know what to do. My dad is what you would call "insane," he has delusional disorder and has been in mental hospitals and is still on total disability. All of this scares me to death. For some reason, I'm not sure why, the thought of being insane is worse than death to me.
But it's not only that..... what my brain will do is much more sinister. It latches onto things I experience around me and connects them to my thoughts, just like a crazy person. For example, if I am randomly thinking that I need to get a new phone, and then immediately a commercial for a phone comes on tv, I notice that and get creeped out and maybe wonder what it means.
Also, if someone mentions something about insanity in general it makes me very uncomfortable, and I feel like that's the same reaction a truly crazy person would have. My brain will also sometimes realize something that a crazy person WOULD think, and almost experiments with thinking it, and in that split second I don't know if it's really me thinking it!! :\ For example - I know that a crazy person might think, say, numbers on a licence plate mean something. So then I see a licence plate and think about that and wonder if I'm thinking crazy. This is all the reason I fear going insane - because through that fear it feels like I really am. It's a viscous cycle.
Writing all this makes me realize I sound like a total mess lol
But then again I guess I am :\ Any help would be appreciated.
PS No more therapists or medication for me, trust me I've been there done that and it's only made things worse