I can relate. I have a lymphoma fear too, but mine has only been present for the last month and a half. I have constant aches and pains, and yesterday evening I ran a low grade fever, which I still feel this morning.
So needless to say I'm freaking out.
I saw the doctor yesterday and he tried to reassure me regarding my blood work (but I know you can have lymphoma and still have normal blood work!). Anyway, after I finished talking to him he told me that he believes, just by talking with me, that I am clinically depressed. He said "You sound really, really depressed." ....and I am. I told him that I feel like this is going to be my last Christmas with my Children (3 and 1 years) and I'm really sad about that. (I'm tearing up even typing this).
So anyway, he told me that the constant aches and pains were probably caused by the depression, manifesting itself in my body.
I'm still terrified. And sad.
I have a counseling appointment today, my 2nd one, and I highly suggest you seek it. I've heard it can help so, so much, and I'm praying that it will.
Anyway, I might not have been much help, but I can just say that you're not alone.
Oh....and just a side note - I love Christmas music, but why the heck would you make a song like "Christmas Shoes"??? It's so sad! Definitely leaves me blue even when I hear the first few notes of the song, before I change the channel.