I am new to this board, and I really need to let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I was just diagnosed last night actually as having GAD and OCD. I have a 12 week old baby and I have been so scared to be with her because I'm afraid I'll develop Postpartum Psychosis. (In the middle of a panic attack I looked up stories and symptoms and it sent me off the wall with fear). I also have those scary intrusive thoughts that paralyze me. They used to be about powertools, knives, etc. (in my teenage years) but ever since I read those scary stories, I have intrusive thoughts of "what if I start seeing demons, animals, things not there, what if I start believing inanimate objects are moving, what if I start hearing voices or thinking things are talking to me.." I was so scared of thinking "what if I thought my baby was possessed" that I couldn't even look at her or hold her for almost a week because I was so scared that I might think those things and believe them. Any scary psychosis symptom, you name it, I have an irrational, scary thought about it.
But, we have to remember that these poor people who really do suffer psychosis and schizophrenia don't question their thoughts. They ACTUALLY see things not there and more often ACTUALLY hear voices, not their own, talking to them and believe it's true, not fearing what is happening but accepting it as reality. We don't. WE FEAR.
My doctor started me on Zoloft 100 mg about three weeks ago and it seems to slowly be helping. Have you considered maybe talking to your doctor about taking medication? I've never been a huge med person, refusing to even take Tylenol after needing a lot of stitching after delivery, but I can tell you this is slowly helping me get better. I am also starting to see a psychologist who is a very sweet lady and we are going to begin Cognitive Behavioral Therapy at my next visit. One very helpful thing she taught me was to not dwell on thoughts and not try to fight it. Instead, when a thought comes, I say "Oh, that was a silly thought" or "Oh, that was the OCD/Anxiety" talking. And to remind myself frequently that I am a good mother who loves my child and would never harm her, that's why I worry so much. Maybe your mantra could be "Oh, that was a silly thought." and then to remind yourself of what a good person you are. Also, eduk8or, I never really thought about getting a workbook. What a good idea!! Thank you for the suggestion.
Please, if you ever want to talk or just get a thought off of your chest, feel free to PM me. My loving husband told me this the other day and it helps me so much. "If you were going crazy, you wouldn't be questioning your sanity." Please try to remember that, and STAY STRONG. This too shall pass.
Have a good evening.