Hope you are all well.
I am new to this forum, and found it after being on google desperately looking for information. My boyfriend of 3 years suffers with GAD, and I guess I just want to ask you guys for some opinions about if some of his actions are due to the GAD or not.
We have been together for 3 years, although 7 months of those 3 years we were apart. This was due to the fact that my boyfriend always looks for approval amongst his friends, and at that time we had only been together for 5 months. We broke up because his friends thought it would be better if he was single so that he could "live his life and not be tied down". Very few of his friends are in serious relationships, or even value a good relationship. As he has never grown up in a healthy family environment, there has been lack of love and his family are almost not allowed to express how they feel amongst themselves it has resulted in my boyfriend being very dependent on his friends and their approval. He always wants to do what his friends does. Anyways, we broke up for 7 months but after those 7 months we got back together because he realized that I am a girl who he wants to be with in the future, and because I loved him so much I was happy to get back with him.
Fast forward to now:
We have a great relationship, he has changed a lot and become more mature in terms of our relationship. If his friends would now say to him to leave me, he wouldnt because he values me more now. Personally, I think we are very happy together. We have the crucial things that are important in relationships, we are always there for eachother through out any life difficulties, we support eachother, we trust eachother, we laugh together, share the same values and principals, have the same goals for the future, we have the same traditional thinking, we respect eachother, we are completely honest with eachother, we are each others best friend.
HOWEVER, Because we have been together for a long time, that new amazing feeling that two people have when they initially fall in love, the spark, the excitement has turned in to a mature and deep relationship. And THIS is where his problem lies at times. My boyfriend often question whether this is a normal feeling. Bare in mind, I am his FIRST real relationship. Hes only ever had flings where its never got past the point where its become a deeper relationship. The only longer lasting relationship he ever had was with a girl and they were just sleeping with eachother, that lasted for over a year but it was purely physical.
He stresses out alot, he is never ever calm or content. In person, he will always shake his leg, his arm, just have a stressful energy around him. Its like he always needs to do something, go somewhere but he doesnt know where to go if that makes sense? When he has a goal, he HAS TO reach that goal with in a time frame, and every day spend all his time stressing about that goal. For example: He wanted a job with in a specific field, for a good few months he stressed and stressed, spending every minute applying for similar job roles, he could not priorities anything or anyone else at all. He finally got this job, and I thought he would be content. He starts in a month, and basically at his current job him and his manager does not get along. So after receiving news about getting this new job that he has worked so hard for, instead of being happy he started stressing that his boss will somehow ruin his chances at this new job by not giving him a good reference. He always tends to think about the worst case scenario at all times.
Its like he has this fear inside of him that wont ever go away.
So TO MY ACTUAL QUESTION NOW: When he is generally stressed in life, or sometimes when he tends to overthinks, he will at times question our relationship. So all of a sudden I can sometimes receive a text where he is asking "Do you think we are right for eachother" "We are so different, do you think we are meant to be?" "I really miss the times where I used to chase you". I have probably had texts as these about 6-10 times now. I always have to reassure him that we are good for eachother because we do have a very good mature and deep relationship. I honestly do EVERYTHING for him and go out of my way to do so. I can honestly say I am the nicest most patient person to him at all times, because I have learnt to be so. I know that these questions will come up from time to time, but he will forget about them the next day or a week after. I just want to know,
are these doubts because of his anxiety or am i just kidding myself?
I honestly think they are, and he is always scared that the worst thing may happen. So I think he is scared that maybe in the future when we do get married it wont work out.
We are generally very happy and he is honestly the love of my life. I know ive made him sound horrible, but he isnt. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met, but I just feel like he has this fear inside of him that never goes away. There is always a new stress he worries about.
Can anyone with GAD or any other type of anxiety comment on all of this, and maybe give me some insight of what problems you may face in a relationship that are similar to these???
My heart truly goes out to you all <3