Hello everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read this in advance. I've read many posts about Anxiety, and I genuinely feel better knowing that I'm not alone in this. When my anxiety first started, I felt like I was all alone, and that I had no one to turn to, but seeing other people's stories unfold on my computer screen has really helped me get through this. I'm still dealing with it somewhat, but it's getting better!
My anxiety must have started subconsciously around 7 or 8 months ago - I noticed there was blood when I went to No.2. I won't go over the details, but I went straight to the assumption that it was the big C. It's not exactly a nice thing to see in a toilet bowl, but when I saw that pool of crimson horror, I thought "Why is this happening? What could it be? This has never happened before - oh no, it must be..." And I kept this quiet for over 7 months until I had to speak out. I remember the day well - I was all over the place, I started feeling lightheaded at first, and then slightly dizzy, followed by this tremendous headache. At this point, I decided to see a doctor about it, but the doctor that I was registered with had actually moved. I thought "Whoa, is it destiny that I can't see my Doctor today?" I know that sounds silly, but anyways, I registered with someone else - a week later, I managed to make an appointment - turned out the bleeding was caused by an internal hemorrhoid. Still, after I left the surgery, I still felt uneasy - why couldn't I shrug off the fact that I might have bowel cancer? I didn't say that my main issue was panicking and worrying that something might be wrong. Suddenly I started to develop these pains all over my body, but the area that was most affected was near my bottom, my testicles, and even the penis itself at times. Sorry for being so graphic, haha. I also had head pains and a burning sensation, but also occurred near my chest, arms and legs - not one part of my body escaped these pains. I made another appointment and explained to her about these pains, the worries, keeping my troubles inside for months on end, and she said I had anxiety - I still had questions, but I never got to ask them because I felt I had to get out there and tackle my anxiety head-on... but days later, my worries about having cancer still didn't fade; I turned into a nervous wreck, wondering why I felt the way I did, and why these pains were happening - surely it couldn't have been just my mind? There must have be something wrong. Once again, I made another appointment - I explained that I was scared I had cancer. She reassured me that it was simply an internal hemorrhoid and recommended that I see a professional about my anxiety - she could tell I was upset. I then left and thought to myself how silly and ridiculous I was to think of the worst-case scenario.
A week later, and even though I felt much more relaxed, I was still feeling these pains, and they were so dominant near the lower half of my body. I thought "Okay, it's probably not cancer, so why? I'm feeling okay, so why is this happening?" Then I thought to myself Diabetes? Surely not. I did a Google search (terrible idea), typing in "Nerve Damage" and came up with all sorts of scary possibilities for the pains; when Diabetes and Cancer came up as possibilities, I immediately connected the dots in my mind. I then started to panic again, because the last 5 or 6 years of my life had consisted of me drinking high-sugar fizzy drinks - I was convinced that I had it, and that Diabetes was the sole reason behind these pains. A day later, my bladder started to feel increasingly heavy, and the need to go was constant and unexpected. One of the symptoms of Diabetes was an increased frequency to urinate. I then went to see the doctor again, who reassured me that I didn't have Diabetes, and that I would know about it if I had it. Once again, I came out of there feeling silly, and a little guilty that I wasted the Doctor's time - I had never been like this in life, worrying about every little pain and abnormality within my body.
Anyways, that's my full story. The funny thing is that I'm still in my early 20's, and I have yet to get a job, so if I'm like this now, who knows what I'm going to be like when I deal with real stress, rather than just these "What-ifs" that hold no water. These days, the need to pee is still there, but the pains have greatly reduced, and I'm trying to incorporate exercise, eating plenty of the right foods, and whatnot, into my lifestyle. After hearing that it's very unlikely that I don't have Diabetes or Cancer, I generally feel amazing - I think that it's because I was so worried about those 2 things for months, and to at least be told whether I have them or not is reassuring - It felt like I was in limbo for months and that I couldn't move on with my life.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this. Feel free to tell me of your experiences and share your stories - perhaps you've gone through similar experiences that I have? Thanks again!