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Author Topic: Accepting the Diagnosis.............  (Read 74796 times)

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Offline snjmom2013

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Trouble with acceptance
« Reply #100 on: September 14, 2013, 09:00:05 PM »
Like many of you have stated previously, I am SOOOO glad that I stumbled across this site.. I was diagnosed many years ago with anxiety/panic disorder. (That was when I was 19, i am 44 now) ... over the years my phobias and anxiety increased and hypochondria has been a constant struggle for me since I was at least 21 years old. I have a viscous cycle because I am health anxiety/hypochondria but I am also afraid of needles (especially IV's) and being put under.  These are not the ordinary fear and concerns that most people have rather incapacity, all consuming terrible fear that I experience.

I have many different complaints and symptoms. I elect myself for any non-invasive procedures all the time. Ultrasounds, MRI's, CT Scans, and despite my fear of needles, I do get my fair share of bloodwork as much as possible because I need them to find the answer to my puzzling symptoms. If a doctor tells me things are ok, it is not met with relief and joy as it should be. My brief moment of relief is followed by panic and despair as I go over what could have happened for them to miss my diagnosis. One doctor put it very simple but bluntly, I create my own prison because of my fears. It's true and the rational side of my head does realize that I create excess worry and panic over everything. I have been told before by doctors, Do not Google ANYTHING medical related! It is so bad that I am discouraged from reading those slips of paper that accompany medications because I will swear I have multiple side effects within minutes or hours of taking whatever pill it is. I excessively use the Emergency Room which my insurance company does not look upon too kindly. I was told not to use it unless it is a life threatening situation. Well, Hello!! to me, with my panic stricken mind.. it IS an emergency life threatening situation. I usually go through some testing, they rule out the option that it is something that I need to be admitted for, and send me home. This has repeated over and over so many times that I could not count that high!!

So, with all that background being said... here is my current situation. I recently was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Last week, I had a video endoscopy pill because I was afraid to get the "traditional" scope done.. (still awaiting results) .... now today Saturday September 14th, I went for my first mammogram and an ultrasound under my armpit for a lump (suspected to be a lipoma)... I am worried sick, all I think about is my pending results. I am scared to death and cannot relax. A million things run though my head and none of which is rational thoughts let alone calm reassuring thoughts.

There is so much more I could say about my conditions, thoughts, feelings but I do not want to overwhelm any of you right off the bat. Bottom line is that I search for answers and if I get any answers I cannot accept them. It is something that really affects my daily activities and quality of life. I joined this site to hear from like minded individuals so that I don't feel so alone. Thanks for reading.

(official diagnoses thus far-- type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, sciatica, IBS, gallstones, Fibromyalgia, depression, and anxiety/panic/phobia disorders with and without agoraphobia.))) 
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Offline anxious_brit

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #101 on: September 15, 2013, 04:56:41 AM »
Welcome! Hope this board helps :)
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"The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live"

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Offline Upanova01

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #102 on: October 23, 2013, 09:15:30 PM »
This is a fantastic post! I've printed it out. Everything written here is so true to my experience with HA. Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Pan,
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Offline DaphneNL

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #103 on: December 12, 2013, 06:09:47 AM »
I read this for the first time yesterday morning. And I decided to let the fear go for a day. This morning I felt so tired and I decided to read it again. I'm going to print this and keep it next to my bed. So I can read it every morning I need it. Thank you so much Pan, for pointing my nose in the right direction.
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Offline SirWorriesAlot

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #104 on: January 14, 2014, 08:39:34 PM »
Wow - I am brand new here and this is one of the first things I read.  I am glad it was, I feel better already!  Great perspective and extremely well written.  Thanks alot!
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Offline TheNewKira

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #105 on: January 29, 2014, 08:40:11 PM »
Thanks so much for this post! it really calmed me down alot.
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Offline simona

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #106 on: February 01, 2014, 11:12:37 AM »
I cant accept it...i have been living witb this horrible anxiety for years....i am 37...confinced i have parkinsons or ms...done an mri...normal....shaky twitchy tingly hands...dizzy...not ever in the mood for anything....i am so lost......
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Offline anx

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #107 on: February 21, 2014, 08:00:15 AM »
Thank you for your posts PAN, they help.
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Offline pounddog

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #108 on: February 22, 2014, 06:24:25 PM »
Bottom line is that I'm a pretty healthy 50 year old who will one day die. As will we all. Yes, I have a family history of heart disease, but the person who has it smoked and never exercised. I just finished looking again for heart attack symptoms for women and basically, almost every sensation could be a symptom. Do I go to the ER? Wait in nervous agony until the doctors office opens? Or I can accept that I have always had anxiety and that's what it is tonight. And if I get a definite symptom I'll worry about it then.
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Offline Julie A. Cook

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Re: Accepting the Diagnosis.............
« Reply #109 on: February 23, 2014, 12:54:54 PM »
A beautiful and profound post.  THank yu for it.  Truly inspiring me today. Bless you!
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