Like many of you have stated previously, I am SOOOO glad that I stumbled across this site.. I was diagnosed many years ago with anxiety/panic disorder. (That was when I was 19, i am 44 now) ... over the years my phobias and anxiety increased and hypochondria has been a constant struggle for me since I was at least 21 years old. I have a viscous cycle because I am health anxiety/hypochondria but I am also afraid of needles (especially IV's) and being put under. These are not the ordinary fear and concerns that most people have rather incapacity, all consuming terrible fear that I experience.
I have many different complaints and symptoms. I elect myself for any non-invasive procedures all the time. Ultrasounds, MRI's, CT Scans, and despite my fear of needles, I do get my fair share of bloodwork as much as possible because I need them to find the answer to my puzzling symptoms. If a doctor tells me things are ok, it is not met with relief and joy as it should be. My brief moment of relief is followed by panic and despair as I go over what could have happened for them to miss my diagnosis. One doctor put it very simple but bluntly, I create my own prison because of my fears. It's true and the rational side of my head does realize that I create excess worry and panic over everything. I have been told before by doctors, Do not Google ANYTHING medical related! It is so bad that I am discouraged from reading those slips of paper that accompany medications because I will swear I have multiple side effects within minutes or hours of taking whatever pill it is. I excessively use the Emergency Room which my insurance company does not look upon too kindly. I was told not to use it unless it is a life threatening situation. Well, Hello!! to me, with my panic stricken mind.. it IS an emergency life threatening situation. I usually go through some testing, they rule out the option that it is something that I need to be admitted for, and send me home. This has repeated over and over so many times that I could not count that high!!
So, with all that background being said... here is my current situation. I recently was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Last week, I had a video endoscopy pill because I was afraid to get the "traditional" scope done.. (still awaiting results) .... now today Saturday September 14th, I went for my first mammogram and an ultrasound under my armpit for a lump (suspected to be a lipoma)... I am worried sick, all I think about is my pending results. I am scared to death and cannot relax. A million things run though my head and none of which is rational thoughts let alone calm reassuring thoughts.
There is so much more I could say about my conditions, thoughts, feelings but I do not want to overwhelm any of you right off the bat. Bottom line is that I search for answers and if I get any answers I cannot accept them. It is something that really affects my daily activities and quality of life. I joined this site to hear from like minded individuals so that I don't feel so alone. Thanks for reading.
(official diagnoses thus far-- type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, sciatica, IBS, gallstones, Fibromyalgia, depression, and anxiety/panic/phobia disorders with and without agoraphobia.)))