I've had a really rough year
I started grad school in the fall and have been struggling with flare-ups in my depression and anxiety. I lost my stepfather a few months ago and my cousin passed away a couple weeks ago. I was also in the area when the Boston Marathon bombings occurred a month ago. So my anxiety has been really bad in particular over the past few weeks/months. I feel constantly on-edge and like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I get so anxious during the day I literally pass out at night.
Because my cousin passed away during finals week, I had to reschedule one of my final exams for this upcoming Tuesday. I've been studying but I'm afraid when I sit down for the exam I will forget everything. I've tried everything to beat back this anxiety -- Zoloft, DBT, CBT, positive affirmations, distractions, social support, regular study sessions, but nothing has been helping. I keep telling myself "I'll do fine on this exam, I'll pass this class, and if I don't pass the class, I can always take it next semester, I wouldn't be the first or last person to have this happen to me, but I really will do well on this test, it'll be a no-brainer" But, honestly, I feel like the anxiety is more about what's been happening around me/to me than just the usual test anxiety. I just feel completely overwhelmed
I want to run far, far away and never look back. I feel like so much is building up I don't know how to deal with it all. I just feel completely out of control. I'm even paranoid that my professor (who I am rescheduling the exam with) is going to write me an email completely freaking out on me and failing me just out of the blue for some crazy reason (I tend to turn everything into a potential catastrophe when I'm already anxious) or that she will give me a super hard test that I'm bound to fail. I just want Tuesday to come and go, but something tells me my anxiety is going to be a huge problem for awhile. I really hate this feeling. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice?