Hi Everyone. I have been reading through posts and it seems to be a very supportive community here! I will try to be brief, but I am also embarrassed to admit these things out loud because it sounds so crazy.
I've been diagnosed with OCD for around 10 years..I am now 33. My doctor (sadly for him) knows me quite well. I am currently taking Education courses, one of which is psychology. Last night, the topic for discussion was schizophrenia. I tried to face this down as it has been a fear and the main obsession of mine for years. In fact, it started with a course in psychology. At that point, I had no idea about this disorder. My creative mind started to churn out wacky obsessions. Here's where I grow embarrassed, but am anxious to know whether anyone here has experienced anything like this!!
After learning about the positive symptoms, mainly hallucinations- my mind started to make up an internal voice thought- nothing running through my mind all day, nothing crazy or anything, but basically like an imaginary friend that agrees or something. I know, this sounds so, so crazy!! I know that this is just my mind making these thoughts up, and I get very anxious, naturally, because I start to question whether I am "nuts" or going "psychotic" even though I know that this is just my own mind, and my thoughts.
Of course I've shared this with my doctor, who has worked with me on CBT and lets me know that I am not schizo, but that anything is possible (this is a part of the exposure)--but no, I've never been diagnosed with anything other than OCD.
Well, last night in class, we went over the symptoms of schizo and other psychoses again, and again, I am freaking out because my internal "voice" obsessions have started again. Last night in class, my professor talked about how people who hear voices hear internal shouting, swearing and running commentary, so of course, my own internal thoughts have started this crap...not all day or anything. But at times....again, I know I am not hearing anything outside of myself, and that my mind is working in overdrive. Still, I am so, so scared and feel the 10th degree (on a scale of 1-10) that I am going to lose it.
I am at work and of course no one has any idea, which only further proves I am not schizophrenic or psychotic...otherwise I wouldn't be functioning. Still, I need some support and or suggestions, and... if you've experienced anything like this, it'd be such a relief to hear.
I feel grateful for being an empathetic person, and all of you here on this board seem to be so supportive. It is wonderful! Please respond if you can.....