I've been reading post for awhile and finally got the courage to write my own. I am 30 years old and I have suffered from anxiety off and on since the age of 12. I am a big time worrier...I worry about everything there is to worry about (and even things I shouldn't worry about). This will probably sound silly, but when I was 12 another student came to school saying he watched something on TV about the world ending in 2000...that was the start of my life with anxiety. I began to worry about everything...horribly. Sometimes it was hard to go outside and play; I'm still not sure if my parents knew what I was going through at this time...but it was some of the worst days of my life. Eventually, I became involved in extra-curriculars at school and stayed busy...I know longer had the anxiety I had before. On and off through high school I had bouts with anxiety, but was too busy most of the time to think about. I had health anxieties quite a bit and my mom always took me to the Dr. who would reassure me time after time that I was fine and that I would live. I also had another major bout with anxiety after watching a show on TV about John Edward, the median (stupid I know). This was also around the time I was getting married and my brother was going to be traveling acrossed the country via airplane (which I have a major fear of). I was so afraid that my brother was going to die in a plane crash it was ridiculous. But again I was able to work my way through it...and my brother is fine.
I had been able to deal with or control my anxiety without medication until last spring. At this time I began having a lot of heart flutters and increased anxiety, this is also around the time my husband began traveling for work, including international travel. So I am guessing this is what the first trigger. I will also mention that at the time I was working full-time and going to school at night.
Over the summer my husband was gone a lot but I was able to manage my anxiety for the most part with my meds. In the fall, while my husband was traveling, I had a severe panic attack in the middle of the night. I was awakened by the feeling of not being able to breath, my heart was racing, and I was literally freaking out, I thought I was dying. My 3 year-old daughter wondered into my room and got in bed with me. I told myself I had to suck it up for her and I did. After that I went back to my GP who upped my anxiety meds and that seemed to help for awhile.
My husband continued to travel for work and I was getting by. I was no longer working but I began my student teaching. Things were going really well, then my brother-in-law was paralyzed from the neck down in a work related accident while working overseas (for the same company my husband works for). I did really well during this time...I stayed strong for everyone. My husband went overseas to be with his brother and I stayed here to care for our children, as well as my neice and nephew. I couldn't believe how well I was able to handle this so well.
When my bil was back to the States my anxiety started setting in big time...I guess as life started to take on it's new normal. I have always had issues with worrying about my health and self-diagnosising. It feels like I can feel every little pain or discomfort in my body and I automatically know that it is something horrible and that I'm going to die. I hate it!!!
I have been married for almost 11 years and my husband and I have 2 beautiful children. I have a horrible fear that I am going to die and leave them without a wife and mom...thought makes me sick to my stomach. It's horrible! I take meds for both anxiety and depression (I suffered postpartum depression after the birth of my first child and remain on the medication 6 years later).
I am glad I have found this forum and hope that even just writing about my struggles will help me feel better.