So, ill try to keep it short. (after typing this all i realized i failed at this)
I broke up with my fiance, she cheated and it absolutely destroyed me. it affected everything, i started to drink, it affected my work, i was laid off.
so for three years, I started off with wine and champagne, then i was drinking so much of those i moved to these drinks called "four lokos"
i was addicted. i had a temp job where i worked really hard, but i still managed to drink 2-3 four lokos on work nights, and sometimes up to 5-6 on weekend days. after that job i was back to being unemployed, living with my mother at age 26, very depressing.
i got to the point where i was buying another handle of vodka every day or two. i was drinking super heavy for a long time.
so now unemployment stopped, despite working my 0104 off its been hard to find a job. probably 5 months since i worked.
so without any income for alcohol ive been slowing down on it, so it wasnt at choice at first. but, when i drank it was great, but the next day, i would have horrible anxiety, after trial and error i realized it was after days i drank.
so i stopped. delt with mild anxiety, not having insurance i used the last of my savings to go to a urgent care, and they prescribed me xanax and well butrin. not being able to afford well burtrin yet i just started with xanax. it helped. i thought i had a handle on everything. so for xmas, i had a glass on champagne, and it felt SO good to drink agian, it was like having sex, i wanted more. i got a bottle of wine as a gift, so the day after the xmas party, i downed the whole bottle. it was fun. killed the bottle by about 6pm. had dinner, relaxed, aaaand then it happened. the worst panic attack ive ever had in my life....
followed by a week full of anxiety, panic attacks, sleepless nights, feeling like im going to die. and terrifying feelings like im going to pass out. horrible horrible times. since it was so bad my mother offered to pay for the well butrin, thinking it would make me happier, and fix the anxiety.
well it didnt, it seemed to make things worse, it seemed to work me up and make my anxiety worse. sometimes my mind felt SO fuzzy, i had an interview and i feel i didnt get it because of my anxiety and fuzzy zombiefied feelings.
i weened off and stopped taking well butrin as well, probably havnt had any for a week or two
so here i am, taking xanax every 7 hours. sometimes feeling fucking fantastic! sometimes..i get this...Zombified like everythings normal...then BOOM super tired like i havnt slept in two days. people keep telling me its just alcohol withdrawls..is it? is there something else wrong with me? i dont have the money to go to a doctor. it happened last night..the sudden tiredness..weak..fuzzy foggy feeling..worried ill pass out..which causes anxiety and panic attacks. im at a loss. by trying to make my anxeity go away..ive done a few things:
I stopped drinking alcohol
I stopped drinking caffeine
Ive almost eliminated all sugars
and i stopped smoking ciggertes and weed
all cold turkey
sure googling stuff i understand withdrawls can last a while. is it unheard of that i could still having withdrawls? do i need to take more xanax?
is there ANYWAY to get rid of this zombie foggy fuzzy head feeling?? if i have to deal with it for the rest of my life im afraid of what ill do. i cant handle it. im stressing out my family with constant panic attacks, i was going to go to the movies yesterday with my nephew and i was having such a bad panic attack i had to cancel. its affecting my life in a serious way. if i cant get it under control, i cant handle an interview and wont be able to get a job, if i cant get a job i wont be able to afford medical services to see if or what else is wrong with me or if im just being a hyprocondriac.
please i beg you, as i write this in tears, i need help. i need support.