I am new to the forums but Im finding them very helpful. I have had anxiety about people dying since I was little. My grandmother died when I was five and I remember it being very traumatic. I have experienced a lot more loss in my life since then. I was widowed in my early 20's- he died of complications from a bone marrow transplant. I lost my dad suddenly a year ago. My uncle this past spring- and recently a rash of 3 sudden losses in my inner circles (one friend's mom died suddenly, my friend's 40 yr old husband died suddenly and a friend of my mom's died sooner than expected- all in Dec.).
My mom is a cancer survivor and I am always stressing when she goes to the doctor for a follow up. She's been doing great and has been in remission- but she is 75- and it scares me. She went to the ER on Christmas eve for chest pains and weird symptoms- it scared her because she witnessed my dad die of a heart attack a year ago. Anyway, I was very worried, but it seemed to be a bladder infection that was causing all of her strange symptoms. I still stressed because they sent her for multiple heart tests after just to be sure there was nothing else.
On Thursday, she called to tell me about her follow up and said the famous words "Now, I don't want you to worry" (Hahaha- that's what I do!). Apparently in the CT scan they found a nodule (small)in one of her lungs. So where do I go? IMMEDIATELY into panic mode- she has cancer in her lungs (the uncle I mentioned earlier died last spring of lung cancer- 6 weeks- diagnosis to death) so I immediately GO THERE. However, so far, 2 doctor's haven't seemed to worried about it.
Of course, I started Googling- and well- that was all bad. I went into an extreme panic attack- threw up and everything. Like I had found out she died- she didn't - she is fine- right now, as far as anyone can tell. But I can not get the intrusive thoughts out of my mind that she is going to get cancer again or that she has it and will be gone- soon. It's exhausting. It's fustrating.
I had been diagnosed with GAD and Panic disorders but never with OCD. But when I started reading the intrusive thoughts posts a light bulb went on. Though I have yet to see anyone have anxiety / panic attacks or intrusive thoughts like I do. Is this similar to when mothers project onto their babies that something is wrong? I dont understand. I can't relax or concentrate. I keep trying to stave off another panic attack- .. Any advice?