I have been with my boyfriend for four years, but when we were first together we were long distance. Back then I was still in college and had a very different attitude about relationships. I never cheated on him--I don't think I ever even danced with another guy during this time. But I probably flirted a little. Of course, I didn't flirt with the intention of cheating, and I can't pinpoint a specific incident, but I do remember putting myself in situations where I knew men would flirt with me, because I liked the attention. I would never do this today, and as I said before, I never cheated. I wasn't even attracted to anyone but my boyfriend, I just liked getting attention.
Anyway I've become obsessively guilty about this, trying to remember every situation I had where I spoke to a man who may have been interested in me. I recall turning men down a lot, but I also recall a part of me wanting attention. I'm sure my boyfriend did similar things since he probably felt lonely too during that time, but I still feel awful. I've already told him I'm sorry if I ever acted flirtatiously during that time and he just seemed confused as to why I would bring it up, haha.
I'm mostly worried that it will all come back to get me and that he'll break up with me if he ever "figures out" specific flirtations I may have provoked. But at the same time, I would not break up with him if I found out he flirted with a girl three years ago. I probably wouldn't even care if he kissed another girl three years ago (which I never did). Is this typical OCD? I have OCD and I can't help but wonder if this is a little over the top.