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Author Topic: Can't Get Past Breakup  (Read 429 times)

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Offline froggensays

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Can't Get Past Breakup
« on: January 09, 2013, 10:29:15 AM »
My partner broke up with me over seven months ago after a year long relationship, the only boyfriend I have ever had in 37 years. I don't know how to move past what happened. I think about him and the other people involved in the break up all the time, it feels like it's only just happened or is even still happening. Unless I sit and make concerted effort I always feel as if it was all my fault, my fault for not being what he wanted, my fault for getting upset, my fault for not being able to just let him have what he wanted, my fault for not fixing it all somehow since I was clearly the one it mattered most to. I feel like I'm a failure at everything I do. The year I was in the relationship is the longest period of time that I've ever felt solidly happy and as if I was getting somewhere. I don't feel I can ever find that again because how and why should I trust someone again when I trusted him and right up to when things went wrong had no reason not to. One minute we were in it together and the next he was telling me he'd decided he didn't have to care how I felt anymore and that he didn't want or need anything from me. I feel like a bad person for having created this situation even though everyone else was equally if not more so responsible for what happened. They played into all my biggest issues of rejection and being something that's difficult and annoying and people just want to be away from, of being somehow defective in that everyone else is capable of all the normal things and I'm not, that I have to go in the corner with all the other defective people that are too much trouble for people to want to deal with. I don't see any point in trying, I don't want to try, I can't think of anything I want other than not to feel like this anymore. I don't want him back, I don't want to date some stranger who I'll either feel guilty for not being interested in or if I am interested in will only hurt me again cause I'm only ever attracted to people who are wrong for me. The idea of trusting anyone that much again makes me feel sick and uncomfortable. And at the same time I feel like this awful faulty person for creating so much drama in our social group and getting upset at even the mention of any of the people involved.  I want everyone to go away so I don't have to feel bad about everything I do and feel.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Can't Get Past Breakup
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2013, 06:21:24 AM »
Welcome to world of the dating game. People fall in and out of love all the time. It can leave one person confused most of the time. As they have no idea why they were dumped. All they know is the other person has left them. First thing we always say? ' Never again '. But trust me on this one, there will come a day you will learn how to trust people again. There will come a day you will find love again. It may not seem like it right now. You still have a lot of work to do in getting over the last relationship. Letting go of those bad feelings. Moving on with your life. He is gone. It seems final. Like he is not coming back. So you have to accept this. It is far roo easy to blame ourselves. To beat ourselves up. I am sure you done all you could. It is all abour giving and taken. People work as a couple. So now it is time to let him go. To learn how to move on. Puts your thoughts elsewhere. Put your energy elsewhere. Holding onto this inside of you is only hurting you. If you want, for the same of healing theraphy, you could write him a letter. Not one you really intend to send him. Just as an exercise. Telling him all the things you are feeling right now. Put it all down on paper. Once done, turn the tides around and try answer your own letter. As if you were him. Not as easy as it sounds. May get a bit emotional. But it will help come the end of the day. Wish you the best of luck with that.
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