My partner broke up with me over seven months ago after a year long relationship, the only boyfriend I have ever had in 37 years. I don't know how to move past what happened. I think about him and the other people involved in the break up all the time, it feels like it's only just happened or is even still happening. Unless I sit and make concerted effort I always feel as if it was all my fault, my fault for not being what he wanted, my fault for getting upset, my fault for not being able to just let him have what he wanted, my fault for not fixing it all somehow since I was clearly the one it mattered most to. I feel like I'm a failure at everything I do. The year I was in the relationship is the longest period of time that I've ever felt solidly happy and as if I was getting somewhere. I don't feel I can ever find that again because how and why should I trust someone again when I trusted him and right up to when things went wrong had no reason not to. One minute we were in it together and the next he was telling me he'd decided he didn't have to care how I felt anymore and that he didn't want or need anything from me. I feel like a bad person for having created this situation even though everyone else was equally if not more so responsible for what happened. They played into all my biggest issues of rejection and being something that's difficult and annoying and people just want to be away from, of being somehow defective in that everyone else is capable of all the normal things and I'm not, that I have to go in the corner with all the other defective people that are too much trouble for people to want to deal with. I don't see any point in trying, I don't want to try, I can't think of anything I want other than not to feel like this anymore. I don't want him back, I don't want to date some stranger who I'll either feel guilty for not being interested in or if I am interested in will only hurt me again cause I'm only ever attracted to people who are wrong for me. The idea of trusting anyone that much again makes me feel sick and uncomfortable. And at the same time I feel like this awful faulty person for creating so much drama in our social group and getting upset at even the mention of any of the people involved. I want everyone to go away so I don't have to feel bad about everything I do and feel.