Hypochondria scared of being depressed

[marieS1107]

My biggest hypochondriac fear right now is the fear of being depressed. I recognize it has the same fear and the same what if thought patterns as my other "diseases". My mom doesn't approve of medicine and im scared of beinf depressed and having no way out. I haven't lost interest in activities, I am not sad, do not contenplate 0119, I usually think positively other than my health anxiety I am thankful for what I have just very tired and numb emotionally (which anxiety can cause also I've heard) I also never really cry and I do laugh even if it feels fake with no emotions. I have OCD which can cause the fatigue and numbing of emotions especially my theme of OCD but OCD leads to depression and the more I research it the more I feel like I can't get better without meds and it scares me

[sixpack]

marie

I'm sorry your thinking is getting you to feeling so badly.   You know that sort of thinking can get you exactly what you fear---depression.   I know it can be hard but you can not entertain the faulty thinking.   I am guessing you are under 18 in as much as you say "your mom doesn't approve of medicine" and so you don't have that option.   What option you DO have is sitting down with your mom and telling her you are in a rough way and that you NEED someone to talk to in a professional capacity---ie a psychologist.   Whether you need meds is undetermined right now.  Meds don't work for everyone.  My 17 yr old had a severe bout of social anxiety that moved to bad depression that lead to hospitalization last January.  My child had been seeing a psy from Aug '11 to 10/11 and was on meds to no availe.  In fact my child simply quit the therapist.  AFter the hospitalization we found a therapist that my child trusts and is working well with.  My child was on meds during that time as well.  In June he came off of all meds.  In his case they did not do ONE thing for the anxiety/depression.  My child is doing much better but it is due to the quality of the therapy he is engaged in.   

[marieS1107]

Thank you for your reply! I actually am 20 but still under my moms insurance an I have no money to afford anything myself. I was seeing a therapist for a while and she did help me deal a lot with the anxiety but she wasnt familiar with OCD so she didn't know how to treat it in a correct manner she just helped me get to the root of y problem :I'm afraid of the future and not knowing. I have a great fear of the unknown and that's where my anxieties are stemming from. I feel like this made it easier to deal with more because instead of trying to deal with the anxiety I focus on dealing with the problem. I usually am a positive think and I've been even more lately focusing on bein thankful for the life I have and not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I think a lot of us fear the u known "well how can we know for absolute certain that we don't have this disease, maybe they're missin something". The true test is seeing if we can get ourselves comfortable with the unknown. I know I haven't really been TRYING all the things that I KNOW will help me according to my past therapist and advice from fellow sufferers that have recovered. I know what I have to do and I know I can do it but sometimes I dwell on the idea that ICANT do it because the Internet tells me I can't and I have to try hard to bring myself out of that state of mind. The therapist really did help me when I was in a really rough situation and now I can't afford another one that deals with OCD but I do know how to deal with it on my own so I'm one step ahead of a lot of others.

I apologize for the length of this -- mad at myself for reassurance seeking! Lol

[marieS1107]

Also- I have been going o the gym 5 days a week and runnig 2 miles on te elliptical . At first it made anxiety worse because it felt like a panic attack -rapid heart rate sweating heavy breathing, and the machine kept telling me to slow down because my heart rate was too high but I realized its probably high because Of my anxiety and worryin about it. I have noticed I don't feel as restless and shakey now, it's definitely helped with te excess adrenaline and the endorphins are nice too ;)

[sixpack]

that is excellent with the exercising.  and yes you are right about it making you feel worse at first AND the part about why your heartrate increased so much.  THis is very common with anxious peeps who  start exercising.  They freak out and quit thinking it is PROOF the heart or whatever is ill....   Oh that anxiety and how it affects the body is wily.  So BIG TIME KUDOS to you for sticking it out.

I've even had that sensation with exercising sometimes.  I will feel absolutely drained or more anxious.  AND this is when I don't actively see myself being anxious.  In those times I remind myself that my body has learned to send out those feelings as a matter of it being "routine" or it is "used to just doing that".  I've learned that it isn't from an illness.  It took me a long time to accept that  logically and emotionally.   

Nowadays I'm out with my dog for 3-4 miles a day.  Yesterday was 4 miles.  Thank you weather!!!  It was a great day to do that.

[sixpack]

regarding meds

and I'm not saying you need them or not   

a lot of meds have $4 generics that would be easily affordable without you having to go through insurance.  So that could be an option.   As a 20 yr old, you can make your own health decisions.

[marieS1107]

I try not to pay attention to it and jut listen to my music and think about the stress I'm relieving. As for the medication, I don't WANT to go on them as my family has had bad reactions o them and I fear ill have side effects and it'll give me more anxiety because I'm hving these symptoms from the medicine I know there's only one way to find out, but I feel like I would rather work on it and maybe take some natural herbs or treatments because wits not that sever and I'm afraid of depending on it