Scary thoughts

[mhernandez]

Hi everyone, I am new to this form and I am trying to find my way through anxiety and OCD. I Have horrible thoughts and they scare the heck out of me. I am afraid that i am going crazy and wish that it would all just go away because i just want to be myself again! I recently notice that i had OCD for a very long time but it never bothered me. But one day i was watching my fiance play this twisted metal game and in this game this guy went crazy and killed his family, but ever since i saw this dumb game i starting thinking what if i go crazy so from there on out i had these feelings that i would go crazy and hurt my kids.. And for me that is not who i am, my kids are my life and for me this kills me i have horrible anxiety attacks because of these scary thoughts. I start shaking and freaking out and break down and cry. I feel so afraid of these thoughts, i really don't know where to turn to. I went to the doctor and she said that's what is wrong with me but i really just want it to go away. I can't take it no more, This is not who i am i really just want to be myself again. I try to explain myself to my fiance, which i feel so horrible to because a few days before he proposed to me i started with my anxiety and i still question why he popped the question. But he has stuck by me and has not gave up on me! I also just feel like a horrible mother because of these thoughts even though i know that i would never nor could ever do anything to every hurt my children they just scare the crap out me! I know they are just thoughts but truly they are the most worst thoughts any parent could have and its very hard to deal with.

So anyways i have joined this form to have someone to talk to because i feel so alone in this whole situation!

[spitfireatme]

I would love to talk if you want to PM back and forth. For starters, I would suggest you pray for help, that God helps you to deal with these thoughts and inner demons. Refute bad beliefs and thoughts and learn to live up to the challenging ones. For example, if I'm actually overweight and feel depressed about it, I need to work hard to get at a healthy weight. If I feel guilty about something, I need to stop doing it and fix whatever damage has been done.

Pray for help! Good luck!

[bluerose]

I know what you're going through.  I've had OCD for 40 years.  What helps me a lot is the antidepressant lexapro.  It's in the SSRI family of antidepressants which also includes prozac and many others.  For me the lexapro makes it impossible to think obsessively.  There's also a therapy called exposure therapy in which a therapist exposes you to what you fear like germs or violent thoughts and when this works for people the obsessions go away or are much less.  Years ago I went through a lot of talk therapy and although it gave me insight it didn't help my OCD.  I wish you the best and if these thoughts persist you might want to look into medication and or exposure therapy.

[mhernandez]

Thank you for replying to my post! I really am trying to figure things out, I am trying not to have to take medicine even though sometimes i want to take that way instead of being in so much pain and so drained. I'm really afraid and feel like i am going crazy. I  know that i am not and i know that everything will be fine but there are times where i feel like i'm just a horrible person and think about how people will react to whats going on so i kind of keep it all to myself. That is why i feel like joining this site was a great thing to do!!

[justme24]

going though this now? does it go away? I realy need to know whats going on! Im freaked out all day everyday. like I know the fear is irrational but that "what if" is soooo hard to deal with?

[EclecticJoe]

I have been battling them too. PM me and we can work through this together. You are not criminally insane, your anxiety and OCD have taken control of your life. You can get it back.

[middlenamehypochondria]

It's all a part of OCD.  I have actually managed to get over a lot of my OCD over the past twenty years.  I went to a wonderful therapist that looked at the benefits of OCD, such as I am very organized, have good values, like to do a good job at work, etc.  I haven't taken medication and I am doing pretty well.  I find when I am active and involved in something I am at my best.  Anytime you start getting those thoughts, tell yourself not today and get busy doing something.  I have started volunteering with an animal rescue and it is just wonderful for me.  I once read a study that indicated that exercising and volunteering can release endorphins taht are equal to or greater than certain anti-depressants. I can't remember where I read it or the specifics but I will say that both of those help me. OCD is hard and scary to go through.  I would say you will never be "cured" of it but you can beat it!

[EclecticJoe]

It's all a part of OCD.  I have actually managed to get over a lot of my OCD over the past twenty years.  I went to a wonderful therapist that looked at the benefits of OCD, such as I am very organized, have good values, like to do a good job at work, etc.  I haven't taken medication and I am doing pretty well.  I find when I am active and involved in something I am at my best.  Anytime you start getting those thoughts, tell yourself not today and get busy doing something.  I have started volunteering with an animal rescue and it is just wonderful for me.  I once read a study that indicated that exercising and volunteering can release endorphins taht are equal to or greater than certain anti-depressants. I can't remember where I read it or the specifics but I will say that both of those help me. OCD is hard and scary to go through.  I would say you will never be "cured" of it but you can beat it!

I'm trying the four prong attack: exercise, volunteering, meds and therapy. I am so much better than I was a month ago, but still have a long ways to go. Intrusive thoughts now occupy about 15% of my day compared to 80-90% this summer (not including sleeping). I want to get a little better and I then will then post my entire experience starting in April of this year. I hope it will help some people.