it is sad about your mom.
my mom has RA and dx'd at age 32 or 33. she also had severe periodontal disease in which she lost all of her teeth. she presently, at 75, had/has lung cancer and had a node need radiation treatment. she is also on two dementia meds.
my dad died of a brain tumor at age 46. before that he had some heart thing and bleeding ulcer. After my dad died, I had to deal with my mom's anxiety meltdown...
my eldest, your age, has a severe brain abnormality.... there is continuous issues with her.
GIRL we all have stuff. However we can't let it control our lives. God, what mess I'd be in if I let all of the above control me forever. If you let your stuff control you like this, by not getting the proper help, your life is going to be a living hell. So you have an important choice to make: are you going to let your stuff control you and live like this OR are you going to start removing the roadblocks (the rationalizations and excuses) and get better? Sounds simple doesn't it? It isn't. It takes a lot of time and commitment but it is worth it. I think, at this point, I've pretty much given you all the advice and support I have. It is now up to you to start making things happen for you. If you are content with the fear, then you won't need to make any changes in your habits. If you are not content living in the fear, then you have some work to do.