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Author Topic: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder  (Read 110690 times)

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Offline Knelson77

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #555 on: November 26, 2013, 01:31:11 PM »
Once I got out of school for summer break (with a 3.4 GPA xD), I went straight into hypochondria. I thought I was pregnant for an entire month because my previous period had been unusually light. I went through four different pregnancy tests, and also went to the doctor to have him test me (I figured his would be better xD); all of the tests came out negative but, I actually started to believe that the doctor lied to me about his test results because he knew I would get an abortion! So, it wasn't until my period started that I felt relieved. Then, one day at work, it suddenly hit me that I didn't know if one of my ex's had HIV. So, for many weeks I obsessed over the possibility that I might have HIV. I looked up statistics, looked up all the people my ex had ever been with, had my lymph nodes checked....I was so convinced I had it that I would literally wake up in the morning and my first thought would be "I have HIV."

After I was in a car wreck two Fridays ago, it suddenly hit me that I could die in a moment so, why worry about HIV? And I realized the likelihood of someone my age being HIV positive is fairly low. Obviously, it took a scare like a vehicular accident to wake me up from my hysteria.

However, now, I think I am pregnant again. I took a pregnancy test, it came out negative, but I don't believe it.

Oh my goodness - you are describing my exact fears as well. I constantly obsess over the possibility of getting pregnant and contracting HIV. I thought I was the only one on planet Earth with these fears. Thank you so much for sharing - maybe we can help each other? :)
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Offline childhoodLOST2PTSD

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #556 on: December 03, 2013, 02:10:46 AM »
I don't. smile I don't do a lot of stuff I mostly stay home.
I don't feel safe anywhere I don't like looking at people
but I have to. I feel uncomfortable with people one on
one I have issues with people being behind me. I have
issues with large and small crowdes an large and small.
places I stay paranoid all the time. I don't sleep much
even though I am on a medication that is supposed to
make me sleep I don't like beds because of the abuse I
suffered at the hands well other parts of the man my
mother brought in to replace Daddy. She was having a
a affair because he moved in so quick the bed Daddy
slept in was not even cold when he got there not to
long after that he started abusing me not in a good
way. He would come in my room in my bed and
do what he did. I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective
disorder in February 2003. I have been diagnosed
with PTSD.  I stay anxious and stressed out all day
and sometimes all night. I get really paranoid. I
trust other people. I don't. socialize either. There
are so many things that trigger my reaction to PTSD
 I have avoided situations that causes those triggers .
When I start get anxious I get really fidgety. the more
fidgety I get the more stressed I get. sorry so long got to go.
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Offline WorryJules

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #557 on: December 04, 2013, 05:59:05 PM »
Hi

As a young child I always recall worrying constantly about my parents dying. I was an only child and was fearful of not having siblings although I have a huge extended families. 

I was diagnosed with epilepsy aged 5 and have been on medication ever since, I am 47.  I take a benzodiazapine (Clobazm) as one of drugs to control epilepsy.

I was sexually abused by uncle when I was about 11 and my father was an alcoholic.  I had panic attacks (although they were never diagnosed by a doctor) from about the age of 16 and have suffered on and off with them ever since although i seem able to control them now.

My main symptoms have been of late a constant feeling of anxiety which is normally worse at night when I try to relax.  I can tick majority of the symptom box for GAD and assume this is what I have.

I am happily married (25 years  and have two grown up children and grandson.  However, my medication caused me to lose a baby at 22 weeks and my eldest has had open heart surgery, cleft repaired and has learning problems due to the medication I was on when I was pregnant.  Again, during any traumatic or worrying times I have been able to cope and people see me as a very strong person with a positive outlook.  This I am.  it's when I have nothing to worry about I begin suffering with anxiety.  I take regular exercise and this helps a little but I'm always convinced I'm going to have a hear attack, have a brain tumour, stroke etc etc.

I have seen many doctors many times over the years and don't expect much understanding from them now.  It does however, allow me to relax a little once they've listened to my heart, taken blood pressure etc.

I work full time and hold down a demanding job.  I like to push myself into challenging situations (really love been up in the mountains).  It may seem odd but I can sometimes escape from this state of worry.  However,  other times I constantly panic about 'what if something should happen etc etc).

I just hope by sharing this with you it will help someone should they have experienced something similar.

I have tried accupunture which did help but too costly to continue!

I guess I've just come to accept feeling like this but every time is as worse as the first.

Good luck everyone in this invisible battle : (
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Offline Kristee

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #558 on: December 07, 2013, 12:13:59 AM »
Could you share what you did to meditate to rid of your intrusive thoughts? I am seeking ideas that have been helpful tools to others? Glad to hear that you overcame your challenges and hope it continues.
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Offline ashmdye

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #559 on: December 09, 2013, 08:58:26 PM »
I am so glad to have found this place.  I have suffered health anxiety since I can remember, but it got to an extreme place after I was sexually assaulted when I was 18.  To avoid having to deal with the feelings of being raped, I shut myself off from the world, and when that started to eat at me and make me feel even worse I began to drink, heavily.  I would drink to be more comfortable in social settings, and to forget about what was on my mind...I also was so afraid to say no, that I began saying yes, not just to sex, but to smoking (occasionally) and doing things that were just plain stupid.  I found out that I was pregnant in 2010 from an on and off again boyfriend of 3 years and all of that came to a screeching halt, I changed my life and tried to mentally better myself for my future child.  I managed to become a great mom, but around the summer of 2012 I began to drink again, my son was one and a half and luckily for me we moved back in with my parents so he was always taken care of, but I wasn't.  I felt like a bad mom for not being able to provide for us alone, and not having a real father figure for my son.  The drinking began again and the promiscuity followed soon after.  After hitting what I like to call, my real rock bottom, I have been sober for 8 months but more anxious than ever...I feel like I have done so many things in my past that are awful that I don't deserve a good future, and more than that my health anxiety has magnified by about 100000, and I'm always scared I'm going to die young and I won't get to be here for the wonderful future with my son.  I literally live in fear every day that I have a heart condition, a blood clot in my leg or lung, or a brain tumor.  I've recently started getting pains in my upper right abdomen so now I'm worried about a mass in my liver.  I have had a normal stress test, normal chest x ray and ekgs (the latter two were in an ER on a vacation where I couldn't breathe) and at this point my doctor writes off everything to my anxiety.  I know there aren't many flashing signs that say I'm at risk for these problems that I believe that I have....but I also know my anxiety has been quite debilitating and I am no longer active physically and I also don't eat well because I rarely leave the house to get healthy food.  I feel like I'm stuck in a downward spiral and I'm just scared to die young and leave my son.  I don't want to miss his life.
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Offline natdaly9

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #560 on: December 15, 2013, 06:44:06 AM »
Im so happy i have somewhere to write my feelings down and not feel like im being criticized or judged!!!
I dont really know the exact time my axxiety or panic attacks started but i guess its just built up over the years... Had a pretty stressful chidlhood especially in my teenage years when my younger sister was born, she was then diagnosed with Severe Learning disability and Autism.. I never knew what this evn meant i was just thirteen but i soon realised how hard it was going to be... I hard to grow up a bit faster then all of my freinds and i missed out on a lot. 3 years later my other little sister arrived, and 2 years later was diagnosed with the same disorder... So basically from thirteen to now ( im 23) iv been helping my mother care for my 2 sisters... I love them with all my heart but looking after them s taking its toll and i guess this is why im a very anxious person. My panic attacks increased the last coupl of months and its draining me emotionally as well as physically... It got to the point i didnt want to even go to work or leave my house... I have an amazing supportive boyfriend to help me through, but i think nobody really knows what your feeling or going through only yourself and i think you just feel even more alone... Trying hard to go for walks get fresh air keep my mind occupied but its at night when im alone and over think is when i work myself up... I wish i can learn how do deal with this problem so i can finally enjoy all the good things in my life thats being ruined by these constant feelings of fear.. Anyways thanks for letting me get it off my chest....
                                                                  N :action-smiley-065:
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Offline lauradanielle18

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #561 on: December 16, 2013, 02:23:29 AM »
Im not sure how mine started I have a phobia of sick and ots very hard to not think that I am going to be sick everyday I sweat I shake I panic I go inyo a state of shock really making me depressed lately just wish it would stop and id go back to been the old bubbly me ive recently started mu new job and my anxiety is very hard to concentrate argh help guys
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Offline Lacietiara

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #562 on: December 23, 2013, 09:47:11 PM »
Hi. I'm Lacie and I'm 18 and a freshman in college. Well I recently was seen at my local hospital because I woke up out my sleep with my heart beating fast , shortness of breath and the feeling as if I was going to faint , this has happen before but I never took action till now. Once I get to the hospital they do an EKG , it comes back normal .. My blood work ? Come back normal . So they so maybe it's my iron cause my iron was low. About two days later the same thing happens I feel the same way I go to the hospital again they do another EKG and it's normal !! They give me fluids saying maybe I'm dehydrated . I go home the next day I follow up with my primary doctor he listenes to my heart and he says it sounds fine. He tells me I'm having panic attacks. He says I have anxiety. He says it's common among new freshmans in college.  Do I really ? Can attacks be that frequent ? Does it cause you too feel tired nausea and seem like your heart is beating fast or even losing breath ? I had bad acid reflex , and I constantly feel down and worried. Is the anxiety ? Please help !
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Offline Manuel

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #563 on: December 26, 2013, 01:55:59 AM »
It started in April of this year, I had my first panic attack and thought I was going to die, I called 911 and for them to come get me. They did an EKG on me and some blood tests and said everything looked good and to follow up with my doctor to find a medication that would work for me. I took .5mg Xanax for my anxiety. I have drank alcohol for about 15 years or shall I
say abused. I slowed my drinking down quite a bit, meaning just beer. I used to drink a pint of Seagrams Seven a night. I continued to have anxiety so I stopped drinking so I started feeling sensations around my liver and kidneys and numbing in left arm, tingling, cold sweats, shortness of breath. I thought I was dying internally. So I went back to my doctor and had more blood work done, they checked my thyroid, diabetes, lymphnodes results came back that everything was great. My doctor says it's just the anxiety. He prescribed me some anti depressants. I am a person that hates taking medication!! I took half of the medication which was 20 mg of citprolam, I think thats how it's spelt. Anyways it gave me double the anxiety so I did not take anymore. I made an appointment to go do acupuncture, it made me feel more relaxed which was good but 30 min after I was done (boom) anxiety again. I continued to go for another 2 mo. I thought I was getting a bit better cause I did not take any Xanax for 4 days. All of a sudden I had another panic attack and went to the ER. They did EKG, took blood, and checked blood pressure. Results came back great. So at this moment I'm angry, frustrated, tired of the sensations, heart attack feelings, shortness of breath. I started taking Xanax and  going right to the gym to work out for about a couple weeks. I felt better at the gym but again when I got out I felt the anxiety again. Soooo depressing!!!!
About a month ago I went to get a stress test on my heart cause I was getting really really really worried about theses sensations. I'm having a lot of negative thoughts continuously all the time. Well I did the stress test on my heart and results came back that everything is great. So for the past month I've been feeling this heart burn/ throat burn sensation. Doc perscribed me with Prilosec. It doesn't work. I am so stressed and depressed. I have these dying thoughts a lot. I just got perscribed Paxil and Lorazepam. Now I'm seeing a physiatrist. She says it's just anxiety/ panic disorder. But I hate these uncomfortable sensations. Any one feel me on this. I feel alone. Oh and I got an X-ray on my chest cause I thought I felt cancer or whatever on my chest. Results came back that everything is normal. This is all new to me.
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Offline SlickDaddy

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #564 on: December 27, 2013, 03:29:51 AM »
I am a 40 year old male and have suffered from anxiety for the past 8 months after my father in law died a very bad death (cancer) which I had to witness. I was just looking for some help in regards to my thoughts. I always have had OCD (cleaner) but I am confused at why I have this anxiety now and hopefully someone can tell me that what I am experiencing is normal. Since my father in law died it started with these weird out of body experiences I was having. Then the panic attacks started. Those lasted for about a month and then this awful feeling inside me came. I started getting pains all over my body. First my chest, then my neck back etc bust mostly my chest and lower chest area. I have been to the emergency room atleast 8 times. I have had every test known to man even as far as having dye test in my heart to check my heart valves. I always come back negative for anything related to a health issue. I have had CT Scans, MRI's, Xray's, multiple blood tests and nothing!

Today, I am still having the pains and a new symptom "dizziness" but I know that it's more than likely powered by this anxiety problem I am faced with. I do not have any medication and have no intentions of taking any. A doctor did prescribe me Xanax but I trashed it. I did try L-Theanine which seemed to help somewhat. Basically, does this stuff ever go away? Am I stuck with this feeling for the rest of my life? Is there any relief w/out medication? I am very active. I go the the gym 6x a week. I am very fit and eat very healthy. But for some reason this anxiety seems to change it's face every few months. It may come as shortness of breath, then body pains, and then completely change itself to weird thoughts or anxious feelings its so inconsistent in nature I am totally confused. The most recent symptom is the dizziness this is new. I don't know why but after many tests they say it's anxiety? Is anyone here experiencing these dizzy spells? It's literally driving me crazy! I need some advice because I do not plan to take medications if there is any other way to surpass this mess. I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and experiences. This might be able to help me better understand what I am dealing with.
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Offline marpizza

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #565 on: January 06, 2014, 03:07:40 PM »
When I was 12 I had really bad food poisoning. I was throwing up all day until there was nothing left to come up. After that incident, I developed a huge phobia for throwing up to the point where it caused me a lot of anxiety. I didn't know I had anxiety about it until last year, that's 16 years after the incident. I haven't thrown up in 16 years but every time I feel like I MIGHT throw up, I shut down and feel "sick."

I had my first panic attack while driving home from a restaurant. I couldn't feel my arms and legs while I was driving so I freaked out. I had to pull over and I started crying because I felt that I was going to throw up. I went home and relaxed and I felt better. But that was a really scary incident. I didn't know that I had a panic attack, I just knew how I felt when I felt afraid of throwing up: shaky, sweaty palms, rapid heart beat.

Last summer I went to a dodgers game with friends and had another panic attack. I had been feeling "sick" for a couple of days and I hadn't been eating. I didn't want to go to LA but I went anyway. While there, I felt insanely sick. But I was so tired of feeling this way that I thought, "If I have to throw up, then just go do it!" so I went to the bathrooms and tried to make myself throw up but nothing came up and I just felt worse. I couldn't leave the stadium. My mouth was dry and I thought I was going to choke and pass out. I managed to go back to my seat and I sucked on some sour patch kids to get saliva flowing and I managed to calm down a bit. On the way home, I decided to see a doctor.

I saw my doctor and she told me that I had a lot of anxiety and I had a panic attack. This was the first time that I  connected my feeling of being sick to anxiety and my symptoms to panic attacks. She gave me dizepam and told me to take it anytime I felt sick and she also gave me a pamphlet on anxiety. I think realizing I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks made my symptoms worse. I remember trying to sick through movie at the theater and I had to walk out because I couldn't sit through it. I was afraid to leave my house, I didn't want to go anywhere. I tried to reduce my stress levels and keep calm and for a couple of months it was manageable. I was able to go out and not be afraid, I could go to Disneyland which I love but then it got worse again.

In November/December I started feeling really weird. I felt out of it and I had crazy thoughts like "is this real?" I felt like I wasn't alive and I felt crazy. I didn't feel normal. I was withdrawn, apathetic, I didn't want to continue doing anything at all. I just didn't want to exist. I missed work, I missed school so I failed my classes. It was the worst I had ever felt in my life. But the worst part was that I knew I was doing it to myself in a way. All my negative thoughts were making me feel so bad about myself that it was manifesting itself physically. When I did manage to go to work I would spend my day crying. I just wanted to be at home where I was safe, but I felt guilty for being lazy.

I finally decided that I needed help. I went to see a psychologist because I wanted someone to listen to me, really listen, so I called one up and made an appointment. After talking for an hour she recommended I go on antidepressants. She knew I didn't want to take them but she said that they could help. I said OK so I went to see my doctor and she prescribed lexapro and xanax. In addition to taking medication, I had to change my diet. Apparently I carry stress in my stomach which is awful for someone who is afraid that every stomach pain will cause projectile vomiting. What's also awful is that I'm lactose intolerant and I LOVE dairy! I had to cut out all dairy to reduce stomach aches which makes me super sad and is really hard but I honestly do feel better now.

I've been on Lexapro (generic version) for three days now. The first day was weird. I took it in the morning at 9am and at 2pm I started feeling really weird so I had to leave work and go home. I was tired but couldn't sleep until 11pm then I slept for almost 12 hours! The second day I took it at 10pm but didn't fall asleep until 2am and it made me feel weird again. It was like I had a really heavy head, it gave me a headache and I just felt out of it and I couldn't concentrate. That night I didn't sleep much. I took one last night right before bed. I slept through the night and I woke up a little tired and I have a small headache but overall I think my body is getting used to this. Like I said, I was really against medication because I wanted to be mentally strong enough to fix this on my own. But I realize now that I need them to make myself feel better and it's OK to try something to make yourself feel better. I've tried so hard to go without it but if there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, medication will help alleviate symptoms and make me feel better.

Along with the medication I am reading books on how to change the way I think about things. I am a constant worrier, I fear everything. I am slowly starting to reshape my thoughts and live in the NOW, rather than in the past or the "what if's?" it's not healthy, it's not positive. I know it's weird but when I go outside I try to look at things. I look around, look at buildings, look at the  mountains in the distance, look at people's faces. It helps me realize that I AM alive, this IS real.

I will leave with something my mom said to me: "Look around you, the world is beautiful."
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"It feels like I'm raining and three apples are my stomach"

Offline ana271288

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #566 on: January 06, 2014, 11:49:37 PM »
Hellow from mexico
Well, im 25 years old and i've been dealing with anxiety since i was 9 years old, how everything started? I was a very nervous person, iwas afraid of sickness, afraid of dog, afraid of throwing up, afraid of everything, and, besides that i was soooo worried beacuse i wanted to be the best in everything, so, i always was stressed because i wanted the highest grades in school, always!!!!!!!!! No less than 10 (A) so, one night i exploted, i felt something strange in my stomach, like nauseas, my parents took my to the hospital  and the doctor saiid that i was ok and send me home, the night after that i felt the same way, desperate, nauseas, and besides that i decided to eat, beacuse i was afraid of throw up, and also i wasnt available of sleep beacuse i was scared but i didnt know why, so i got addmited in the hospital , there, the doctors tested me in all ways, i saw every single doctor there, i was miserable, after a lot of studies, the doctors said that i was ok again, and they didnt know why i wasnt eating or sleeping, my parents were devastated, and i, i just wanted to die, i really wasnt feeling ok, but i didnt know what was wrong with me, all i knew at that time was that i was scared, i was desperate the time passed, after 5 months the doctprs decided that i needed food no matter what so they put  a tub in to my stomach and staryed to feed me, i was exhausted, i just wanted to die, because the desperation, the insomnia, the shaking, the thoughts were still there, afeter 6 months, an angel, one of my doctor though,t that i needed a psychiatrist, she called her and after i saw her i lived again, she understood me and decided to treat me with clonazepam, and sertraline, and of course, psychoterapy, i staryed to feel better, i was only 9 years ol... it took me a long time but i was in the path to my recovery, when i was 12 i was all better, i mean ii still have to deal with anxiety but at least i know how... its a struggle , its the battle of my life, im sorry , im mexican and im studying english so my graammar might be a little  or a lot wrong
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Offline marpizza

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #567 on: January 07, 2014, 03:08:51 AM »
Hellow from mexico
Well, im 25 years old and i've been dealing with anxiety since i was 9 years old, how everything started? I was a very nervous person, iwas afraid of sickness, afraid of dog, afraid of throwing up, afraid of everything, and, besides that i was soooo worried beacuse i wanted to be the best in everything, so, i always was stressed because i wanted the highest grades in school, always!!!!!!!!! No less than 10 (A) so, one night i exploted, i felt something strange in my stomach, like nauseas, my parents took my to the hospital  and the doctor saiid that i was ok and send me home, the night after that i felt the same way, desperate, nauseas, and besides that i decided to eat, beacuse i was afraid of throw up, and also i wasnt available of sleep beacuse i was scared but i didnt know why, so i got addmited in the hospital , there, the doctors tested me in all ways, i saw every single doctor there, i was miserable, after a lot of studies, the doctors said that i was ok again, and they didnt know why i wasnt eating or sleeping, my parents were devastated, and i, i just wanted to die, i really wasnt feeling ok, but i didnt know what was wrong with me, all i knew at that time was that i was scared, i was desperate the time passed, after 5 months the doctprs decided that i needed food no matter what so they put  a tub in to my stomach and staryed to feed me, i was exhausted, i just wanted to die, because the desperation, the insomnia, the shaking, the thoughts were still there, afeter 6 months, an angel, one of my doctor though,t that i needed a psychiatrist, she called her and after i saw her i lived again, she understood me and decided to treat me with clonazepam, and sertraline, and of course, psychoterapy, i staryed to feel better, i was only 9 years ol... it took me a long time but i was in the path to my recovery, when i was 12 i was all better, i mean ii still have to deal with anxiety but at least i know how... its a struggle , its the battle of my life, im sorry , im mexican and im studying english so my graammar might be a little  or a lot wrong

Hi Ana. I understand exactly how you feel. I spend long periods of time not eating because I'm afraid of throwing up. I'm glad that a doctor realized that what you had was a mental condition and not physical and was able to get help. It's hard to suffer from anxiety and a lot of people don't understand how hard it is. I'm glad you're feeling better. And don't worry, your grammar isn't bad :) de que parte de Mexico eres?
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"It feels like I'm raining and three apples are my stomach"

Offline ana271288

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #568 on: January 07, 2014, 05:16:10 PM »
Soy de monterrey nuevo leon :) :)
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Offline fcoll9123

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Re: Personal Stories of Anxiety Disorder
« Reply #569 on: January 09, 2014, 09:36:37 PM »
I'm glad you are doing better! I used to smoke a lot of pot. I started when I was around 13 and my first real problem with anxiety came as a direct result of smoking pot. I don't do it at all anymore. Peace
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FC

 

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