I'd like to remain anonymous so for here I'm "Fred".
I've been carefree and happy (mostly illness free) for 26 lovely years, then in September last year, I became Ill, I had blood pressure readings upto 230/100, horrible chest pain, one of my ankles swoll up and I apparently burst a blood vessel as it went purple, palpitations, and a feeling of pressure inside my head and neck. After many tests - diagnosis - anxiety and standing up too long (this is a diagnosis made on a guy who used to run 15 miles a week, and train anywhere between 4-10 times.)
I tried to accept this, but not before an MRI and about 7 ECG's two full blood workups. I had made myself ill that time, I was doing things to enhance my athletic performance I shouldn't have been. Now some 4 months on - I'm terrified of everything. In my defense I have 3 lumps which have appeared out of nowhere on my chest. Doc says they're mobile and "unlikely to be cancerous". "Great" I thought unlikely is just what I need to hear, I have also had a residual headache, since the first bout of illness. I have at best 2 hours without it. but it always comes back - diagnosis - chronic tension type headache.
Now every day is haunting, every tingle is a blood clot, the headache is a stroke waiting to happen, any pain in my chest is a heart attack or pulmonary embolism, jaw pain -heart attack, arm hurts- heart attack. bang my knee - my blood is going to clot because it things there's been trauma, this will travel to my lung/brain/heart, ill be dead in a couple hours - I've been saying goodbye to my family, writing notes when they're out and I have a pain or headache. I know I'm worrying too much, but why wont the headache go away, why does it get worse with excercise, why did I have a sharp pain on inhaling this morning for an hour? Do I have a real clotting problem? Why do I have and earache? brain cancer? intracranial pressure? my arm hurts again! and my knee. blood pressure checked - 120/60
went to the gym worked out panicked half way through - call an ambulance I ask the instructor. Very embarrassing.
went to the gym a month later, why is my hand swollen and tingling - "can you check my bp please?" ....135/66 very good for mid workout. please check the other arm? same....(in my head "maybe i'm leaking fluid from a vein, that would lower BP -clotting problem - going to die)
I've now become vegan (I was already lactose and gluten intolerant) In an effort to prevent clots and atheroslerosis.
Pain in my tummy today - (appendicitis I imagine)
noticing moles seem to be growing - skin cancer
lump on my back next to my spine, no colour, no redness, no soreness - Back cancer.
Got to go on a driving course after I overtook a police car and an ambulance as I drove myself to the hospital after jarring my neck and "popped carotid artery)
toes went numb during training - blood clot- gonna die
my friend scratched me sparring also today - ran out and washed with antibacterial soap to stop necritising fascitis, a resistant strain of a common bacteria.
Cant have sex with my (very beautiful 21 year old blonde stunnning) girlfriend because worried about what I've read about people having a thunderclap headache and dying during orgasm, cant shower in hot water, cant have a bath.
We went away to a spa last weekend to relax- refused to swim sauna or steam room for most of the trip incase I had hypertensive crisis. (I forced myself to for half an hour on the last day but spend 45 minutes laying very still after to make sure I was ok - nearly called an ambulance)
Did I mention I study medical science - I need assistance!!
take codiene painkillers a few times a week when its bad before bed to stop random blood pressure rises killing me in my sleep.
Think I'm going insane - worst three -four months of my life.
still, i've probably never been healthier, perfect diet - 3 cups of green tea a day, moderate excercise, bought a bp monitor today over the interneet and pule monitor watch, trying to find an implant that will alert emergency services if my heart stops.
Through all this - I keep having palpitations, I STILL have a headache, I really did have a sharp pain in my chest this morning for 2hours which got worse on inhaling, my friends say I look pale all the time, my toes did turn blue today (during excercise) but I'm afrad to go to the docs. they cant stand the sight of me now.
Forgive me if this sounds erratic, life seems that way atm.
so there - nice to meet you :)