Ugh, I'm still struggling with this.
It started the past couple months when I had to eat with my supervisor and one of her friends in this small room where I'm interning at. The room felt clausterphobic and quiet and thus felt like there was more attention on me. I already had an anxiety about eating because I was afraid my hands would shake and everyone would notice, so I'd only get things I could eat without having to use a utensil...I got pizza everyday. Well, anyways, then I started feeling like I couldn't swallow just when I was eating with them. I'd go home and eat fine. Well, then one night I was extremely anxious and I went to take the anti-depressant pill that I take everyday and absolutely could not swallow it. That got me very upset and very wound up and now very uptight about swallowing. So now, within that past week, I've had trouble swallowing food around anyone, even family and friends. Even eating by myself I still get tightened up because then I'm afraid that I'll choke while I'm alone and die. I've managed to eat pretty good meals still, but it's so awful being like this. I have to chew my food and then drink a lot of water to get my food done. I just keep tensing up at the second I'm about to swallow and then I feel like I stop mid-swallow. I'm afraid it's going to get worse and worse until the point I can't eat at all and then I'll die. I know that sounds dramatic, but I'm for real worried about that.
I know that I'm under a lot of stress now. My last semester of grad school is coming to an end so there's lots of projects due for that. I'm in the process of looking for a place to move. I also need to find a sublease for my place now. I'm starting an externship at a large hospital in January, that's the last thing I have to do before I graduate. I'm worried that I'll suck there. I'm nervous about being done with school forever and being in the real world. Me and my ex just tried to give it another chance because we had dated for five years and remained such good friends for three years after our break up. But then it turned out we just have the same problems still, so we gave it up for good, which is disheartening. Makes me afraid I'll never find anyone else to love me because everyone else will probably just think I'm a big weirdo. So yeah, lots of stress at the moment. Just needed to vent........ Please tell me what you think about the whole swallowing issues.