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Author Topic: I just feel like my body is shutting down...  (Read 8493 times)

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Offline crissy82

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I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« on: April 12, 2012, 09:06:20 AM »
I am so tired. I still can't eat much. My whole body aches. It feels like my insides are on fire. I seriously hurt everywhere. My sides, my chest, my back, my head, everywhere. I have to force myself to come to work. And I just sit here in pain and count the time until I get off so I can go home and crawl in bed. I just know I have cancer that is eating away at my body. Anyday now I am going to die. I have accepted that fact.
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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Offline sixpack

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2012, 09:58:06 AM »
WOW!!!

what a sad state for you to be mired in.  I don't understand how you've accepted for FACT that you have cancer (with no evidence) but can't accept what anxiety disorders do to people mentally and physically.  I don't know what to say here other than: 

Truly if your body was shutting down, you wouldn't be at work.  I've actually seen a person's body shut down.  It is frightening and what you are describing  isn't the same. You are stuck in depression and anxiety and that is a tough thing to be living.  It makes you think catastrophically.   THese disorders survive in terms of alwaysnever & rationalizations   Whether you believe it or not. 

What can you do right now to help with this self-destructive thinking? You do have it within you.  I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. We can be supportive but we can't fix this for you.  You have to choose to be well.  Crissy, I've read a few of your posts in the last few days and, well, right now it doesn't seem like you are ready to take that leap of faith.  You seem, IDK, content with the idea that you are dying from fictious cancer.  You seem to be very cozy with your BEASTY and it has you right where it wants you.  When you are in this frame of mind, it is devishly hard to to see/feel/hear any sort of logic.  You've started CBT, right?  My suggestion is that you give your therapist a call and ask for an emergency appt.  Tell him/her that you are thinking catastrohically and that you need some help.
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state. 

Offline crissy82

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2012, 10:21:06 AM »
I guess it is just hard for me to accept that my mind could be causing all the symptoms I have right now. I am not joking when I say my body hurts everywhere. How could my brain be causing that? It has to be something else. I am just so tired of feeling this way.
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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Offline Soliss

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2012, 10:32:25 AM »
Your mind isn't neccessarily causing your symptoms, but is likely exacerbating them.

I have been told I have fibro...and apparently people with fibro - while they do have muscle pain...also are much more sensitive to pain.  So if my husband and I have the exact same ache...he may rate it as a 2, and might rate it as a 10.

So the pain the is real enough...but your perception of how bad it is is skewed.

Are you at a healthy weight and eating well?  That makes a huge improvement...
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When life gives you lemons, just make the damn lemonade and don't overthink it...

Offline crissy82

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2012, 10:38:11 AM »
No I am overweight and I haven't been able to eat much for the past month and a half. Before this "attack". I was doing weight watchers and working out almost everyday. Then it was like boom, I don't feel good. I have gone so downhill since the beginning of March. Before then I was doing fine. The only thing I had going on was IBS. Now it seems like everything is wrong. I am just so tired.
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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Offline Soliss

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2012, 11:06:10 AM »
See you can shift focus back to diet and exercise...it's amazing how much better you feel overall...and how that helps with your mind set and your ability to deal with the pain.

Don't forget that obcessing is part of the issue...and if you can change the focus of the obscession (from how crappy you feel - to counting calories for example) you can start to move forward.

I lost 50+ lbs...
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When life gives you lemons, just make the damn lemonade and don't overthink it...

Offline vardnas

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2012, 11:59:04 AM »
I guess it is just hard for me to accept that my mind could be causing all the symptoms I have right now. I am not joking when I say my body hurts everywhere. How could my brain be causing that? It has to be something else. I am just so tired of feeling this way.

Crissy, you'd rather believe that some evil, life threatening cancer is eating away at your body than believe that you're suffering from depression and anxiety? Depression and anxiety that for as nasty as they are are TREATABLE and NON-FATAL?

Continue to pursue your recovery strategies. I know they don't feel like they're making a difference right now, but in time, they will.

You will get through this Crissy, and you will get better. Like sixpack said, you really have to want to be well.
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In case anyone is still confused:  googling your symptoms will cause you to remain in a state of extreme anxiety. Stepping away from the internet is the first step toward lasting peace.

Offline plomeli

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2012, 02:20:35 PM »
Hello, I was just wondering if you have or are taking any medication for anxiety? I was feeling like you are I had severe anxiety and depression and zoloft has helped me, it hasnt cured me but I feel so much better. I am taking a CBT class and going to therapy before I started on the medication but those two take a longer time to be effective. I didn't want to take medication but I got to a point were I was desperate to try anything rather than feel anxious and depressed. It is pure hell on earth to feel like you are sick and dying, I was completely obsessed with thoughts of dying and feeling this body symptom and that body symptom, The only time I got a break was when I would sleep, then I would wake up in a complete panic and feeling so scared. Fear is the worst feeling in the world!!! Good luck to you, I hope that you are able to pull yourself out of this really soon.
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Even when difficulties come into our lives, as they do for all humans "know" our great option is to chose love rather than fear.  -Oprah

Offline crissy82

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2012, 02:47:34 PM »
I have been on Zoloft for a month now. Started at 25mg and now I am at 100mg for about 2 weeks now. I also take Ativan but that is only temporary until the Zoloft gets into my system. And it is only 1mg a day. I started CBT. I have had two sessions so far. My husband tells me that he misses me. I tell him I miss me more. I really do miss me. I am usually such a happy person. I enjoy life. But here lately I haven't enjoyed anything but sleep. Like you said it is the only time I feel okay. As soon as I wake up it is back in panic mode. And most of the time I wake up 2 or 3 hours before my alarm is set. And then I can't get back to sleep. So I just sit there in the dark. Usually crying and praying to God. It's now like I can freak out of my fingers being numb or something. I hurt all over. My legs, my arms, my head, my stomach, my sides, my face, my back, everywhere. And I am sick to my stomach. And I am not even going to get into my intestinal issues. But I am having a colonscopy on Monday to check that out. I am just tried of it all.
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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Offline sixpack

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2012, 07:03:59 PM »
I guess it is just hard for me to accept that my mind could be causing all the symptoms I have right now. I am not joking when I say my body hurts everywhere. How could my brain be causing that? It has to be something else. I am just so tired of feeling this way.

anxiety/depression cause

the body to hurt all over
catastrophic thinking
feelings of hopelessness
feeling sorry for ourselves
feeling like we are dying
illogical conclusions
the inability to accept anything other than what BEASTY peddles
etc,
etc,
etc.

an anxious brain can cause a women to behave as if it was pregnant--growing belly, growing breasts, cessation of menses....
an anxious brain can cause amnesia
an anxious brain can cause blindness
an anxious brain can cause paralysis
an anxious brain can cause psychogenic non-epilepetic seizures
an anxious brain can cause heart flutters
an anxious brain can cause headaches
an anxious brain can cause...........

here is a list of things I've experienced neurologically speaking when I've been in the same place as you:


anxiety can cause all kinds of symptoms

This is my "neuro" symptoms I've had.  Well it isn't a complete list   

 *Shocking pain down thigh and left arm--due to herniated disks
*Sciatica pain--due to stress and the disks
*back pain
*hip pain
*numbing and tingling over various parts of my body--fingers/toes/hands/feet/back/legs/stomach/groin etc
*tense muscles
*cramping muscles---feet/hands/hips/shins
*Twitching/spasms---all over my body.  My right thigh sometimes twitches quite hard--the entire muscle
*vibrating/buzzing limbs
*muscles feel weak/fatigued/heavy
*patches of skin or limbs that feel wet
*burning skin or chilled skin
*vision--jumpy eyes (not eyelid twitching, though I've had that), blurry vision, floaters (which have ZERO to do with MS), sore aching eyes, pain behind eye orbits
*sore aching muscles and joints--name a muscle and a joint and it's hurt me
*headaches---that just won't go with meds
*sharp/shooting/jabbing pains down my arms or legs or stomach or head
*dizziness--sometimes mild; sometimes I've been off balance.  Once it was a 'dizzy day'-I spent most in bed
*head feeling swirly
*jolting awake, trouble sleeping, waking with a panic feeling
*forgetfulness
*trouble saying words--saying the wrong word repeatedly
*face pain--primarily my right side of face--pressure/numbness/shooting pains
*TMJ pain
*ear pain
*trouble swallowing
*Stress incontinence--buy hey I've birthed quite a few kids
*very fatigued/tired
*trouble sleeping
*when anxious--fast movements muck with my eyes--makes me somewhat dizzy/headache--ie.  watching the page on the computer scroll down

when i was worried about breast cancer I had burning breasts and shooting pains.  when it was lady cancers, bladder spasms, back pain and bloating.  After the birth of my 6th child I my mind convinced me that I saw my tooth moving in my head.

After my sister was dx'd  as low thyroid, I amazingly ended up with all the symptoms.  I thought, hmmm I've gained a few pounds, I've been tired, yeah I sweat..... next thing you know I could tick off almost all the thyroid symptoms.  i think I've had2 or 3 tests since then at annual doc visits.  i still don't hypothyroid.  i still have some of those symptoms.  Guess what.... I'm stressed out....

Whether you can believe anxiety/depression can make you feel this bad, is irrelevant.  Because it does.  You have IBS (which I wouldn't be surprised if it was completely anxiety based).  It can also make  you feel bad.  But with your thinking, it makes it ten or hundred times worse.

yes as much as we hypoes hate to think such things:  our thinking DOES control how our bodies feel.... the term is mind over matter.  A person with a cold can be purely miserable and wail and gnash about it for a week or the person could keep moving (while taking care of himself/herself).  You know the one who will likely fair better is the one that kept moving....

We ha peeps can NOT get bogged down in our body sensations.... it will just make matters worse.  We all can make the choice of feeling well and behaving in ways that will get us on the healing path...
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MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state. 

Offline plomeli

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Re: I just feel like my body is shutting down...
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2012, 02:31:08 AM »
I agree with Sixpack, our minds are just completely amazing!!! How I wish I could use my brain for useful things instead of creating symptoms and letting it convince me that I am close to dying. My mind has been my biggest enemy which is so damn sad. I can totally and completely relate to how you are feeling Crissy and I can sympathize with you soooo much. I too have been there... feeling that my body is giving up, not being able to sleep, waking up and struggling to fall asleep. Praying and praying and praying all night and all day asking God to help me and to guide me and to rescue me from hell. I've always had HA anxiety but for the last 3 months I finally got really depressed because I cannot fathom the thought that I am going to continue living this way. I really thought that one day I would be able to overcome and live a normal life but instead my episodes went from 2 weeks to 5 months!!!! Months and months of living in hell day after day after day. My husband also tells me that he misses how I used to be and tells me that I should be able to get over it but it's been such a challenge in my life. I am scared of having cancer and dying and suffering a slow horrible death like my mom, although my mom died of lupus not cancer. One thing that I have been trying to tell myself is that all my "symptoms" are anxiety if my foot hurts I tell myself it's anxiety if my foot twitches, it's anxiety...I tell myself this all the time even though I don't believe it but it seems to be working slowly. I'm also starting to get really fed up with being so scared!!! I really hope that you can overcome this soon,  ask God for guidance, talk to yourself tell yourself "I am healthy 100 times a day if you have to. One last thing the longer that you have been going through this the more logical it is that your body is hurting and reacting to the anxiety and depression...anxiety takes a huge toll on our bodies combined with not eating right and with not sleeping enough and you have the perfect storm.  Good luck Crissy, I wish you peace and send you a big hug!
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Even when difficulties come into our lives, as they do for all humans "know" our great option is to chose love rather than fear.  -Oprah

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