This organization is more disorganized than I feared
I am realizing more and more the red flags and I wish I had followed my gut by not taking the job.
I've realized now that although my boss is very kind, and everyone has a very friendly attitude overall, they are all too overworked and overbooked to keep up the needs and daily operations of the organization. My boss is always running around and I think I'll have a great deal of difficulty keeping up with her. I sensed more frustration and impatience from her than I liked on the phone the other day. I really felt put off by it, especially since she told me she would consider that extra time needed with me to begin with. The girl training me, by the second and third day, seemed really frustrated with having to train me and couldn't stop talking about how excited she was she didn't have to do my job anymore.
I just got my new work e-mail set up on Friday afternoon, and I am completely shocked and overwhelmed to find *11 e-mails* forwarded to me by the girl training me. No explaination. Nothing. Just forwarded them all to me in a mass sweep. It's bad enough that I wasn't feeling well to take care of things today, but now I know I will have to (try) to work double tomorrow to finish what I couldn't finish Friday and now try to get on top of this before the week even begins.
I knew the position would be in-progress and that they would be disorganized for the time being, but I am shocked to see the extent of the disorganization and the pushyness by my boss and trainer. It seems to me there is some sort of contradiction going on, whether intentional or unintentional...and I'm starting to wonder if it's intentional. Sugar-coating everything and then turning around and doing something entirely different. I'm really curious to see how my boss and trainer react to my questions about these e-mails and if they will treat me with a "You should already know how to do this" attitude so early in the job.
I know that I need to work as much as possible, and I'm certainly not lazy in that regard. But I thought the transition would be smoother, as promised to me over and over again. "We won't just give you things to do without explaining them first" and "We won't just push you into something right away - we will give you new things to work on and not just things going on in-progress because you'll just get confused." I'm not sure what to do with these 11 e-mails. I'm not taking it personally or anything, but I am seriously wondering if they care about me being a part of the team or not. I'm wondering with all their talk about work-life balance is going to become a case of "You are our 9-5 slave."
I feel like a baby complaining about all of this, but I don't know what else to do or who to turn to. My mother is flaky with her encouragement - one minute she will tell me to be strong and do the best I can, while the other minute she will tear me down emotionally and berate me. With more emphasis on the berating. I wanted to call one of my closest friends, but he's unemployed and wouldn't be sympathetic. Many of my other friends have either scored their dream jobs, are unemployed, or attending grad school to avoid the job market.
I keep telling myself to hang in there. I keep telling myself "It's okay, just do your best, just keep at it for a few months. It'll work out in the end." But everytime I start to look up, another red flag gets thrown in my face. All because I wanted to please my never satisfied mother
I think I'm just so frustrated I let this happen to me again. I feel like the first time all week I want to finally cry and give up and try all over again. I know things are bound to get better and not worse...and even if they do get worse...like you said... "It's just wasn't a good fit." I just have to try my best...but it can be so sad when my best doesn't seem good enough to my mother or people around me.
Also, we can't go to Church tomorrow because we can't waste gas or transportation costs getting there. Our money is so tight right now. My one bright spot of the week, dashed...Praying to God and going to Church makes me so happy I swell up in tears. I also just found out tonight that my grandmother went in for emergency surgery...she's okay for now...but I can't even visit her because I'm so far away...What a terrible week...
I'm sorry for this sad post. I really am trying to stay positive. I shouldn't have even looked at my e-mail. I just wanted to become more acquainted with the system. I never expected to see 11 e-mails in my account! I think I'm going to go to bed and just rest my head...take care of it all tomorrow...
Thank you for listening and providing support. I really appreciate it. This community keeps me from completely falling apart and that makes me eternally grateful.