A question for people in serious relationships/Married people with GAD

[lidarose]

Hello.  I recently (about 6 months ago) received this diagnosis. 

Here is my somewhat strange (at least to me) issue:  I have thought for some time that my husband has "the problem" in this marriage.  I was always looking up the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and the "sure fire" signs of adultery, and nodding my head along with every symptom.  I realized that in my past relationships, I could have done that with any one of them.  Is it at all typical of someone with GAD to feel that they are being controlled, slighted, taken advantage of, or even cheated on when it's not true?  My husband is constantly telling me that I have no identity, all I do is complain, I'm not affectionate, I act really lazy, I'm always in some kind of pain/not feeling well, and I don't like or trust anyone and that is what is causing all our marital problems.  We've been at the brink of divorce many times, and I've thought for so long that he is the unfair and unjust dictator in this relationship.  So....has anyone experienced this, or is it possible that he and I just have our own unique sets of "problems" and we're both right?  Thanks for your help.

I'm really glad I found this website! :-)

[lidarose]

Sorry, I posted this under the wrong topic.  I can't figure out how to delete it, so I'm going to post it in the correct forum.  Sorry about that.

[tigerpaw]

lidarose, wow that's all heavy stuff, and I don't believe such a specific 'situation' like yours will find a person with the same issues, however, let me suggest.  I would really suggest seeking a therapist in your area to walk you through your fears. It could even develop into a counseling situation with your husband and yourself. Having been married for 27 years where there is smoke there usually is fire.  Your welcome to come into caht and discuss this further with folks in chat if you wish.  God bless!!!

[firebird]

There's a thin line between GAD and narcissism. GAD is often misdiagnosed as narcissism. Also, people with GAD tend to live in there own world sometimes because of their fears.

I've been diagnosed with narcissism too a couple of years ago. I remember searching all possible information about it. But the therapy did nothing and i learned nothing about myself. Cause the root causes of my problems were anxiety, not narcissism. Everybody has narcissism. Among people with GAD, the bad characteristics of narcissism are accentuated.

So, don't bother too much on this narcissism stuff. Things you read about it on internet are way too simplistic to describe your complete personality.  Instead focus on your emotions and your fears.  If GAD dissappears, often narcississt traits dissappear along with it, cause there will be no need to protect yourself from the outside world.

[laura124]

Stop blaming yourself.  I have a very similar situation and my husband blames me for everything negative in our lives.  He doesn't support my advanced education (he says that it's a waste of time and money), he centers on all my flaws and makes me feel worse about them, tells me I have turned our kids into spoiled brats and that they manipulate me to get what they want and I buy all their crap AND I "baby" them. He tells me that I have all the problems and he's sick of hearing it.  When he does something wrong, he makes excuses for his behavior --like to justify it. The list goes on.  17 years worth.  I have always been predisposed to anxiety but in the last 10 years, I have developed debilitating health anxiety.  Some of it might be that I really feel like I'm dying. 

So, all I'm saying is don't for one minute turn it on yourself because if he's like my husband, that's exactly what he wants (or needs) you to do to boost his own ego.  The more miserable he makes you feel, the worse your anxiety will get.  And then the depression will set in.  So decide if marital counseling would be worth the time and do it ASAP.  I don't know where you are in your relationship, but if you still have something to salvage--go for therapy!  If not, you have some soul-searching to do and no one can tell you what is best for you.  Good luck and God Bless.

[Noahs Mom]

Maybe it's just a good old fashioned Marriage problem.  Just because your marriage is having problems doesn't mean it needs a diagnosis.  To better your marriage, it's better to take action instead of looking for fault/blame.  Change what you can.  I often find that when my husband acts disinterested, or if he's getting b!tchy, or saying that I'm not helping enough -- it's usually because he's right and I'm offended by what he has to say.  I've also realized that for him to evey say anything to me must be because he feels very hurt by my action - or inaction.

Love is a verb.  It's not what you feel, it's what you do.