Help.. I want another baby.

[nm_momma]

I am 23 years old and have a wonderful 3 year old son. I have been thinking more and more about having another soon and my husband has wanted more for two years. I am at a much better place in life with my anxiety and my depression is gone. I really think I could handle having another one. My issue is my HA though. It is 1000 times better than it was, but I'm afraid that being pregnant would cause a huge flare up of symptoms and worries. I just don't want pregnancy to turn me into a basket case again and then me not be able to handle a new born. I also have this fear which I can ignore most times, but when thinking of having another child it comes up a lot. I'm worried like most people on here that I have some undiagnosed disease that will kill me soon. I've made peace with that and don't fret much over it, but I can't imagine leaving a newborn and a three year old for my husband to raise. Help. I can't talk to anyone else about these fears, they'd think I was crazy and that I definitely don't need more kids!

[ealachan]

You don't think that maybe the fact that you've now been through pregnancy and birth once and now know what to expect might make you a lot less anxious this time around? I've never been pregnant so I definitely can't say, but I would think that if you've been through all of that once already, then the second time should be easier.

Good luck! :)
xx

[pinkpear]

nm_momma,

I am in the very same place that you are.  I would really like to get pregnant this fall, but am worried that I have ovarian cancer or something undiagnosed like that.  My biggest fear is that I would go in for the ultrasound and they would find cancer in my ovaries or uterus, but because I would be pregnant, there would be nothing that they could do for me and I would end up leaving behind my husband and children.  It's such a life-robbing fear that I despise, but it has control over me for now. 
 
Have you tried counseling at all for this?  I'm reaching a point right now where I think that I either need to go in and have a round of testing done, or I will need to seek counseling if I am to regain a good frame of mind.  I have two children already and I feel this sadness all the time like I am going to die young and leave them motherless.  I know and understand your fears.  After we have children, there's just SO MUCH MORE to live for and so much more at stake.  I know that right after I had my first, that was the trigger.  I've struggled with HA ever since, non-stop.  I've always battled it off and on since about the age of 15.  Now I'm 33 and I hate feeling like this anxiety is clouding over some of the very best years of my life. 

It sounds like you've worked hard to beat your anxiety.  And I hope that you can find something that wipes it out for good.  It helps me to come here and read other's stories because I recognize myself in so many posts and that enables me to gain some perspective that what my worries are are probably just worries.  If I truly had a disease, there would be symptoms that I would go straight to the dr. for instead of just ruminating about "has that pain been there for months, and I've just now noticed it?", and so on. 

Don't let this rob you of a full life, especially more children.  Your son is 3 and a sibling is a priceless gift.  You, your husband, and your son will not be able to imagine how you'd have got on without the new baby once he or she is here. 

[Noahs Mom]

Wow... I just had a conversation about this with my husband LAST night!!!   He doesn't talk much, doesn't offer much support or wisdom when it comes to my worries... but this time he did.

I was afraid cancer would come back.  Or since I had it before, it would for sure have to come back at some point that would take my life early.  Or... because I feel that I have been SO STINKIN' BLESSED in this life time, reaching my ultimate goal of raising a child on Earth would be too much for my Kharma, so I'd be struck by a bus.  Then he'd be alone with a child to raise. 

His response went something like this, "Do you think having a daily reminder of our love and commitment to eachother is a bad thing?  Do you think that I would stop loving our children if you were struck dead by lightening?  Do you think I have no heart?  I would cling to that child just as I cling to you.  Leaving me with a child to raise is anything but a punishment.  Living your life like this ... all the what if's ... that's the punishment."

I am such a fortunate woman to have such a quiet man with such awesome wisdom to speak those words to me.

There's the flip side of losing another child that we're dealing with, but we know we're getting older, and we know we have fertility issues..  and we know grieiving will never bring Noah back.  But... Grieiving could keep us from being able to share our hearts with more children if we let it.

So after my Gall Bladder is out, we're going to take steps to have another baby.

I'm afraid of the same things you are -- the HA part of it.  What if I go nutty?  What if I can't handle it?  What will I do if I'm overwhelmed when the baby is here?  Will I be a bad mom?  So... I made a list of things I CAN do.  During the pregnancy, I can come here.  It's a safe environment where people UNDERSTAND with out Judgement.  I can handle it... we've all learned that we can handle much more than we think.  When the baby is here -- I need to reach out for support.  I will talk with other moms, I will help them when I can so that they might help me when I need help.  I will have emergency phone numbers ready if I think I might be at a breaking point so I can get away for a few hours.  I won't be a bad mom because I know myself well enough to know that I will need to be prepared for whatever might happen... and if I'm not prepared, I'm intelligent enough to figure out a game plan... and so are you.

So perhaps we'll get to share our pregnancies through this web site.  Don't, PLEASE, don't let these fears stop you from living - and creating - life.  Grab life by the ovaries and GO!  Don't look back when you're 50 thinking "I really wanted another child, but ... I was too afraid of things that never happened." 

Now get to practicin' some baby making and make your husband smile for days!!   

[Cercy]

I am a new mom dealing with HA and GAD and PPD... and my daughter is a delightful, friendly, wonderful little creature. Sometimes I look at her and think "Where did you come from?! I certainly can't be responsible for this- you must be a gift." I had an ectopic pregnancy several years ago that heralded all the anxiety and depression that I deal with now. And I never thought I'd get another chance... and yet here she is. The thing about babies, is they love you unconditionally and they bring out the very best in you. I have faith in this fact. And I have faith that you will all be wonderful mothers. If nothing because you care so much that you're already thinking about what you will need to do to be the best mother your future babies can have. If that means getting counseling, testing, whatever- you can do what it takes. :)

Noah's mom: I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now and you just amaze me. You are so incredibly strong and forward thinking, and I hope that some day I can handle my life with half the grace that you do. When you do finally have another baby I would love to be able to be here to talk to you when you need it.

[nm_momma]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It means so much to have the support of women who have the same thoughts and desires as me. I agree so much with Cercy about Noah's. You are an AMAZING woman and I would love to share our pregnancies through this site. In response to pinkpear: yes, I am currently in counseling. The problem is that my insurance just changed and my new one doesn't cover mental health so I can no longer afford to see my counselor. This is one of my hesitancies to becoming pregnant because I know I'd need to see her through my pregnancy and after I had the baby. She's like a family member now and it totally stinks that I can't afford to see her anymore. Again, thank you all for believing in my ability to mother another child. That's all I need somedays. And good luck to you all as well.