How do you know that your symtoms are anxiety/emotional stress or real disease ?

[Angsthase]

I have a lot of worries on my mind including of course health anxiety. I have IBS since about 4 years ( and I really hope that's what it is and not something serious ). The IBS is not so much Diarrhia (maybe every 2 weeks I have some) and also not real constipation. Just normal BM's give me discomfort. I also just don't have an appetite esspecially for healthy stuff like fruit and vegetable. Every once in a while I can stand food but it's rare. I also feel extremly tired lately and also out of shape when I am exercicing. It's very very hard to get up in the morning. I also have some low grade nausea but never to the point that I have to throw up. I am always scared about my symptoms. I know I have a lot of emotional stress on top of the health anxiety. My husband is pretty much not paying attention to me unless he wants sex. He gets very defensive when I want to talk about issues we have. He sais things like " I know you can't be something you are not", " You can be glad you have me because everybody would have left you already". " You treat me like 0103 ( when I ask about what he means by that there is no explanation. When he found me crying in the bathroom he said " You just crying to make me feel bad ". When I am not in a good mood (mostly depressed) he gets mad because he can't cheer me up. When I try to talk to him he walks out or just sais " Stop, stop it now I  don't want to talk about it. I told him we need counsling but the answer is " We don't need that, we can work through it ".
I feel like a nobody in this relationship and I wonder if my symptoms come from all the stress. My last CBC blood test was in February and it was fine.
I like to get out of the relationship but don't know how since I am finacially dependent. I also have a 7 year old. People tell me go back to school but I am too ashamed to tell them that I was always having not so good grades esspecially in math. I wasn't lazy at all just very slow and I just coulnd't keep up with the rest. Sometimes I am thinking I have some sort of leaning disability. I feel there is no hope for me because I am stupid and feel sick all the time. I am stuck with this husband just because of money and I worry about my health all the time. How do I know these symptoms are from all the stress or something real ??? I am also very worried about losing my health insurance in case of a divorce. I would like to work on the marriage but how do I do this with somebody so defensive who never wants to talk.

[marc]

Your symptoms appear to be anxiety related. You are in a difficult situation which causes you a lot of stress.
With a husband like yours, no wonder you feel stress and have anxiety. I would not go around calling yourself
stupid , as this can only give you and reinforce a low self esteem. If you really feel that badly. I would try to get your husband and yourself in to see a therapist or marriage counselor, as living like you are presently doing is not good for
you mentally or physically. Good luck to you.

[Pan]

I have a lot of worries on my mind including of course health anxiety. I have IBS since about 4 years ( and I really hope that's what it is and not something serious ). The IBS is not so much Diarrhia (maybe every 2 weeks I have some) and also not real constipation. Just normal BM's give me discomfort. I also just don't have an appetite esspecially for healthy stuff like fruit and vegetable. Every once in a while I can stand food but it's rare. I also feel extremly tired lately and also out of shape when I am exercicing. It's very very hard to get up in the morning. I also have some low grade nausea but never to the point that I have to throw up. I am always scared about my symptoms. I know I have a lot of emotional stress on top of the health anxiety. My husband is pretty much not paying attention to me unless he wants sex. He gets very defensive when I want to talk about issues we have. He sais things like " I know you can't be something you are not", " You can be glad you have me because everybody would have left you already". " You treat me like **** ( when I ask about what he means by that there is no explanation. When he found me crying in the bathroom he said " You just crying to make me feel bad ". When I am not in a good mood (mostly depressed) he gets mad because he can't cheer me up. When I try to talk to him he walks out or just sais " Stop, stop it now I  don't want to talk about it. I told him we need counsling but the answer is " We don't need that, we can work through it ".
I feel like a nobody in this relationship and I wonder if my symptoms come from all the stress. My last CBC blood test was in February and it was fine.
I like to get out of the relationship but don't know how since I am finacially dependent. I also have a 7 year old. People tell me go back to school but I am too ashamed to tell them that I was always having not so good grades esspecially in math. I wasn't lazy at all just very slow and I just coulnd't keep up with the rest. Sometimes I am thinking I have some sort of leaning disability. I feel there is no hope for me because I am stupid and feel sick all the time. I am stuck with this husband just because of money and I worry about my health all the time. How do I know these symptoms are from all the stress or something real ??? I am also very worried about losing my health insurance in case of a divorce. I would like to work on the marriage but how do I do this with somebody so defensive who never wants to talk.

Well, the crux of the matter here is how you want to use the word 'know'?  In the situation that you are currently in, and it is a situation that hundreds of us are also in to some extent, you can never really 'know'.  If your doctor has checked you out and given you the all clear medically you can cross an organic disease of the list, you may feel somewhat reluctant to do this as this process is what hinders and defines health anxiety but I'm pretty sure that taking into your circumstances the problem resides elsewhere....but then again you know this yes!

So, you are left with either your symptoms being caused by anxiety or emotional stress.  Reading your post I would suggest that they are actually one and the same.  I cannot really imagine the situation you are in at the moment....the only thing I know is that if whilst I was going through the nightmare that has been the last 12 months that I had also to endure the domestic situation you describe I think I would probably have lost my mind totally.

Here is what I see as  going on here, you may agree or you may think I'm wide of the mark but if nothing else it will give you something else to think about for 2 minutes and to spare you from everything else.  At the moment you sound like you are emotionaly spent, you are in a postion both mentally and physically that you know is not healthy for you but you feel trapped and unable to act...I don't know but the term paralysed may even be quite fitting.  Now, if your mind had to deal with the full force of your emotions the only way it could process all of that conflict, fear and confusion would be by making decisions in an attempt to resolve and clear out all of these emotions...here is the problem in my opinion, you are scared to make decisions at this moment in time and for whatever reason see the status quo as a better option than any possible changes you could make.

With this in mind, your mind is basically useless to you at the moment and therefore all that pent up emotion has to be dispelled somewhere and it is of course probably little surprise to you that I think that this is being pushed into your body and therefore somatised into your physical sensations.  These sensations you are feeling are not symptoms of a physical illness, they are the manifestation of real emotional pain and confusion that is 'converted' by the mind into real physical sensations...they are real and quantifiable BUT they originate from the mind and not from body.  I understand that this may all sound new age hippie rubbish but the bottom line is that this process of emotional somatisation is real and understood by the medical community and is as likely if not more likely than you having one of the 'real' diseases that you fear you may have.  The sensations that you define as symptoms are classic amongst somatisers as well, funnily enough, I am having pretty much the same thing at the moment and that after a year of totally different somatised sensations.

Of course, my disclaimer here is that this is just my opinion on the evidence you have presented.  I could be right and I could be wrong but I think that at least on some level you suspect that some form of emotional repression is going on here.  I have suffered from health anxiety for a year and know how hard it is to get the idea that this is all too 'physical' to be 'emotional' out of your head but if you spend some time looking at the bigger picture and looking at your life overall it can quickly become evident that it really is a no brainer.

Anyway, just my thoughts on this for you.  I have various links, tracts and videos about the mind/body link and somatisation and if you think that this could be benifical to you I will gladly either PM or post them here for you.  Whatever way you decide to both interpret and deal with this I hope it turns out well for you.

good luck.

[allsherote]

I struggle with this very thing because the symptoms just seem so PHYSICAL in nature and not originated in the mind! Pan, Please either post the links you are speaking of or PM them to me as well. I really am trying to get through this w/o taking a med and just fear it's never going to go away and struggle day to day if I should revisit the doc and even the ER at times. I think many might benefit if you post the links you speak about! Thanks I also wish you luck Angsthase!

[Angsthase]

Marc, I already tried so many times to get him for counsling but he just refuses. He wants to make all the decisions even about marriage problems.
Pan, thanks very much for your great responds and yes I would be very interested to see the links about somatisation.
I am sorry you are going through the same domestic mess like me. How or did you find some relief ? It's so hard to have nobody to talk to about it.
Sorry for my English ( I am German). My husband feels very powerfull since he makes a lot of money ($200 000). He gets all his self esteem from his job.
Since I am just a stay at home mom he feels superiour because he knows I am dependent on him.

[Pan]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ldyI7mJG2EA&feature=related


The first couple of miuntes may not seem particualy relevant but they do actually explain how we are conditioned to somatise from a young age.  The video is about 8 minutes or so long and I recommend that you watch it to the end.

Let me know what you think.

[Angsthase]

very interesting video. Can emotional stress/anxiety actually lead to serious illness like cancer for example ?

[marc]

Studies have shown that constant stress in some individuals can cause a weakening in your immune system.
I am very sorry to hear about your marital situation as it appears your husband is a bully and has many insecurities
about himself also. Some people make themselves feel better by making others feel bad about themselves.
You have to weigh the financial aspects about your marriage to your health and determine what you can
deal with. What good is the money if it affects your health? I know of a friend of mine who was in a similar
situation as yours. She left her husband, got a settlement and is doing fine now. Her mental health has
improved and she is like a new person. One of my clients is a psychologist and he said your situation needs
help now. Good luck.

[Cercy]

Hi, I am going to try not to sound harsh here- so please bear with me. :) I was going through a lot of frustration with the way my husband deals with my emotional issues for quite some time. And of course, I saw him as insensitive, nasty, rude, you name it. And he was! But I feel that at least for me, I have a lot of anxiety because there is something I am not dealing with. And I stuff it down inside, and I sit on it and cross my arms, and after a while I start getting very anxious and casting around for distractions. I've had to realize that I actually use my husband as a distraction. And if he is not willing to deal with today's one thousandth neurosis I attack him. It isn't intentional, but I have this whole routine I go into where I trap him into accidentally saying things and... well it's just ugly. I'm not saying that you are doing this- but that it can be very helpful to deal with what you can deal with.... even if it's just to get a little off your plate. Does that make sense? Maybe you need to work on you and just leave him to figure his own crap out. Because chances are that he's just frustrated and has no idea how to deal with this. And, being a man, is doing it all wrong!  But I see two good things coming from working on yourself: You get to feel like you're really trying to beat this monster, and when you can see clearly you can really evaluate your marriage and feel good about your ability to see it for what it really is. And if you find he's being a major jerk after all that, you can get clear of him and be strong enough to move on.

Take care.