My experiences

[bubble]

Hi all,

I've been anxious ever since I can remember - I can't really remember a time when I didn't used to worry irrationally, but lately it has started to take over my life.

I'm a 21 year old woman. I have a good job, a lovely partner and a brilliant family. I really am not unhappy with my life too much - and I think that's the problem.

I worry everyday about having cancer, all the time. Any ache or pain I get, I think I'm dying. Over the last year I've had a few incidents of bleeding when going to the toilet. I've been told by 3 doctors that it is haemmarhoids but I can't help thinking it's bowel cancer. I've been referred to hospital for a proper check up which I'm dreading. I've been told that any time someone experience bleeding when going to the toilet they are automatically referred to the hospital as standard but I just can't stop worrying about it.

But this isn't all. I get chest pains in the side of chest and I'm convinced I've got some sort of lung problem. I smoke, which I know does not help in the slightest and makes me worse. I'm also really aware of my heartbeat and if it slows or I can't hear it when everything is quiet I panic.

On top of that, I worry about my family. I have to speak to my mother every night to make sure nothing has happened to her. I'm always ringing to make sure my sister is ok. I worry that something is going to happen to my partner.

Every night before I go to sleep I wonder if I'm going to wake up in the morning. I'm so scared of everything that I refuse to take any medication in case the side effects make me ill or kill me. I wash my hands obsessively in case I have something on my hands that will kill me. I used to love going out and partying but now I can't stand it, just being in a bar or nightclub makes me lightheaded and full of dread. My partner really struggles with this as we used to love going out partying together but now I can't handle it, like an old woman!

It's starting to effect my relationships with people. My partner is kind, caring and generally amazing but I can tell my hypochondria and constant worrying is taking its toll. My mother has gone through the same as me but even she becomes exasperated with me sometimes.

It is getting to the point where I feel I can't live my life like a normal person my age. I feel like every day is my last and I just want to be able to think to myself "everything is good and everything will be ok" without feeling anxious.

Is this possible? And has anyone else gone through similar situations/feelings to me?

Any comments appreciated.

x

[stacy24]

I think alot of us feel exactly the same as you.
Since i was a kid Ive been terrified of cancer and my heart stopping,well as i get older I'm scared of my own shadow.
It sucks and we shouldn't have to live this way.
I'm on paxil and still have bad anxiety
have u seen maybe a councillor of some sort that might help..