As of yesterday I moved away from home and into my new house near my University. Before I left I made one last trip to my doctor (who I probably won't be seeing for awhile). I told him my shortness of breath has been consistent and now most of the time I even feel as if I'm suffocating. I also explained to him that I've been experiencing severe dizziness. I feel so extremely "out of it" and it's really starting to scare me. Once again he assured me that it was all anxiety and sent me on my way. I started crying in his office begging for him to check my lungs (like I always do) and he told me that if he sent me for a CT scan he would probably lose his license because he doesn't have any "grounds" to send an 18 year old girl for a very invasive CT Scan who also happens to suffer with anxiety. I cried some more, he assured me I was okay and then I left.
I had my first day of classes today, and I only slept maybe two hours last night because I was so light headed, dizzy and felt as if I was suffocating. I woke up this morning the same way and took an Ativan and it seemed to take the edge off for me but still it was hard to breathe and the Ativan just made me exhausted so my eyes were closing throughout the entire day and it just made me feel even more "out of it" - I told my mom and she says that because I'm on my period that could be a contributing factor to how I'm feeling.
I was really doing well and I was pretty stable for awhile and actually started to have faith in the medication - now everything feels like it's going to explode again and I'm going to downward spiral. I don't know if I can handle being at school and not feeling well. I'm not sure I can handle the stress of school and fearing that I'm going to die. I just don't know what to do guys. I don't feel like myself at all, I feel so scared and so sad. I just want to be able to feel like I can breathe properly and stand up without being dizzy. I also have this horrible nagging cough. I don't want to lose my life to anxiety - or worse to some horrible illness. How do I prevent the downward spiral? I never want to hit rock bottom ever again! I want to stay in school and do well. I'm so scared though, I just want to be better.