I think therapy might be helpful. I didn't realise how much of a mess I was.
My country offers a free online chat service for all citizens who may have anxiety or depression, so I contacted them to find out more about therapy etc and after the first question. Something along the lines of 'how are you going today?' I started crying without even knowing why.
Just knowing that I had gotten to the point where I couldn't help myself any more and have to talk to a professional made me cry.
Can my anxiety really be so much worse than even I myself realise? I've hidden my anxiety from everyone in real life for so long, to actually have to go and talk to someone about it seems like too much for me to cope with.
I know it sounds ridiculous and overly dramatic, but I thought I was doing so well for so long, and now I feel like I've gone backwards and have hit rock bottom.