I feel really really nervous interacting with people. Some people I feel more comfortable around than others, but it can get really bad some times. For example, my Speaking and Communications teacher is really friendly and not intimidating at all, and while I'm still nervous about talking to her when I have to, I'm not dreading it on the way to school. On the other hand, my Soil Science teacher.... is really... intimidating I guess is the right word. He talks fast, runs the class fast, expects you to catch what he means the first time and if you don't he says to ask questions but I feel like I can't because he scares me. Maybe another way of describing him is so confident he is almost aggressive. I don't mean to point my finger at him, other people seem to be fine and I know I get really nervous easily; it's not his fault. I'm nervous with almost everyone to some degree.
I'm really shy, really sensitive, and I feel like my social skills aren't very good. I'm not very self-confident either. I worry people don't like me even if they aren't making it super clear that they don't, I get wigged out anyway and feel really scared and embarrassed that I might have acted wrong or something. The only time I feel like I'm sure someone doesn't think I'm stupid or doesn't dislike me is if they are really friendly (or if I feel like they are really friendly). I know that no one is liked by everyone, but I have a hard time handling people if it isn't clear that they at least
don't think I'm weird or creepy or rude or something. I feel like I come off as rude because of how nervous I get, like I act like I'm trying to get out of conversations because I don't like them. A lot of the time I am
trying to get out of conversations, but I don't dislike most people, I'm just really scared of them.
If someone is
actually upset with me I feel so horrible it ruins my day or, more often than not, my month. Today I got up in class to get dirt for the lab we were doing, and my Soil Science teacher got irritated because he was passing them out, but I thought he had found mine (I had neglected to write my name on it and he mentioned one without a name). He said something about people needing to listen because it was making him mad (the only one who could have been making him mad was me 'cause everyone else was just sitting around) and the whole rest of the day I've felt like crap. I'm terrified of going to class and having to interact with people there or having to interact with him. I don't really think he, like, despises me or anything; the same class period he talked to me for a minute and was normal and friendly. I can't help freaking out though. That class is hard and not being able to ask him questions is going to make it even harder. It's only the second week of school.
Getting so worked up makes all my other issues worse. I've had really bad problems with anxiety and I guess what some people would call phobias for 90% of my life. Over the last year or so it got really bad, maybe the worst it has ever been; then, I got some help from people on this website and have been doing a bit better. Better enough that I was able to get 8 hours of sleep instead of 2, lets put it that way. However, when I get really nervous like I did today, it gets a lot harder to be okay. I'm still not as bad as I was a few months ago, but I'm really scared that if school keeps going like it is... I'm going to end up scared to death every second I'm conscious
and getting 2 hours of sleep again. I'm trying really hard to remember all the things that took the edge off of my worry and panic, and it helps a little, but I'm still scared.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking for help with; I don't know what I don't know. If anyone has any ideas or tips on how I can interact with people more effectively and with less stress, or anything else you can think of, I would greatly, greatly, appreciate it. I really want this semester to be better than the last two; I want to get 8 hours of sleep instead of 2 and be able to do my homework without trying to fight back tears or some panic attack.
Thank you and best of luck with your own problems,