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Author Topic: Why do people hate me for having anxiety?  (Read 241 times)

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Offline skleep

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Why do people hate me for having anxiety?
« on: September 03, 2014, 06:45:06 PM »
Sorry for sounding so self-pitying but just as a background, despite my anxiety (something a mix of GAD and OCD) I'm a really kind person.  Everyone who knows me, even people who don't like me, would NEVER say I was mean.  Maybe a little snippy at times when I'm in a bad mood, but I'm really nice, friendly, outgoign (I don't have social anxiety) and I always compliment people, say nice things to them, etc.  I've also been told I'm really funny and interesting, at least by people who share my hobbies/interests.

But I feel like the only fights I EVER get into with ANYONE- whether it be my husband, my mom, or even strangers on the Internet- boils down to my anxiety.  For example, I posted on another sub (not AZ) about an issue I was having with worrying about a party I was throwing for a friend.  I acknowledged that my fears were a little irrational, and even told people that I had anxiety, but everyone called me immature, a bitch, a brat, a child, etc.  Frankly, I don't see the connection between anxiety and immaturity since I'm far more anxious as an adult than I was as a kid!

Why does anxiety get people so angry?  It doesn't seek to offend anyone- at worst I'd think people would just shake their heads and think, "Wow, this chick is mental!" but would ultimately sympathize or at least have pity/neutrality.  But people actually get ANGRY and HATEFUL- sometimes even people I love.  I've never once insulted or demeaned my husband, but the fights we have always arise from me being anxious about something.  I don't understand how on earth that can make a person angry!  Irritated maybe, but angry? hateful? I don't get it!
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Why do people hate me for having anxiety?
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2014, 05:21:10 AM »
This is just a maybe. Not 100% certain on this. Maybe you are such a nice person. Then like us all you have your bad days. It is during these bad days that you may come across a bit different than normal. What is causing these bad days? Our anxiety. So people tend to jump to some connection all on their own. Anxiety = bad moods. It doesn't always have to be the way. Maybe that is just the idea they have gotten into their heads. On a calm day they see a happy person. No trouble at all. So they just assume that anxiety makes people different than normal. Just guessing here. They have made a connection in their own minds. That is not to say the connection is a right one. Just might be the opinion that they arrived at.
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Offline worldbeat99

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Re: Why do people hate me for having anxiety?
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2014, 06:36:39 PM »
I don't hate you for having anxiety.  I think it makes you unique.
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Offline Mairi

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Re: Why do people hate me for having anxiety?
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2014, 07:42:54 PM »
I don't hate you either! There's three. ;-)
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Offline Beth

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Re: Why do people hate me for having anxiety?
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2014, 02:25:32 AM »
Hi,

Just a few more thoughts to add here, because I feel like I've been where you are.

Every so often, I'll sense my husband or someone else in my family or a friend getting irritated with me because I'm anxious about something. At times, I've actually said to my husband, "You don't like me!"  :yes:

The truth (I think) is that he tries to understand my anxiety. But he's not an anxious person. So he doesn't understand why I get anxious any more than I can understand how he doesn't get anxious. We can't exchange brains, so to speak, to understand each other's way of thinking better. And sometimes that leads to arguments.

As for the people who said nasty things on other Internet forums, this is what I've come to realize: some people go on the Internet looking for arguments. I remember once when I was planning my wedding, I went on a wedding planning website. I posted a question on the forum about something wedding-related I was worried about -- no big deal, I thought. Well, there was one woman on there who basically said my question was dumb and made me feel horrible for even asking it. I felt terrible and took down my post out of embarrassment. Much later, I think, I realized she might have been looking for a fight with someone for no reason. She didn't know me, there was nothing wrong with my question, and I shouldn't have put any thought into her nasty reply.

Fortunately, this particular Internet site is truly filled with some of the most helpful people. It's a great place!

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Offline sophiadm

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Re: Why do people hate me for having anxiety?
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2014, 09:21:14 PM »
Oh man I know exactly what you mean. So many of the people I'm closest to don't understand my anxiety at ALL and a lot of times they seem to be personally offended by it. I don't get it either! I guess I'm just a naturally empathetic person or something, but it seems like such an obviously bad way to react to someone who's clearly in distress.

I do understand feeling worn down by someone who constantly wants you to enable their anxiety (I've had a friend like this before, whose anxiety drained absolutely everyone around her). But like you, I'm very social and generally easy-going and fun to be around (I think). I usually hide my anxiety pretty well when I'm around people. But sometimes I can't. Sometimes I get panic attacks, or sudden irrational fears, or I worry too much about something and I really need to reach out for reassurance and support.

But it seems like most people don't know how to respond when that happens. I think when they have an angry reaction, it's more caused by their own discomfort about the situation. There are also people who are a bit selfish and/or don't understand anxiety, so they just feel inconvenienced and mad that you're "making things difficult" or whatever.

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