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Author Topic: When was the last time you enjoyed life  (Read 305 times)

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Offline LuLu82

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When was the last time you enjoyed life
« on: September 03, 2014, 01:10:51 AM »
or can honestly say you had fun?
I was thinking about this today and started to cry because I couldn't remember.
It had to be before this nightmare started, sometime in 2009.
There is this upcoming music festival this weekend and I would have been all over it 5 years ago, such a great lineup. Now I would get nervous just walking towards the gates to get in.
  fear has literally taken a part of my spirit. I have become a shell of a person and am starting to lose faith that I will ever be rid of this.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2014, 06:41:12 AM »
Maybe about five or six years back. But it is not that I hate life as it is. I just go from day to day and do my best. I am simply happy to have a life. I know a lot worse people out there fighting serious illnesses. I simply look at them and it seriously makes me think how lucky I am. I would take my anxiety any day of the week. I do my own little things every day. They keep me happy in my own little way. But five or six years ago a certain person was part of my life and I had no worries at all. That is what I am basing my answer on. But try and life and enjoy life. Never know what tomorrow holds.
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Offline Julie A. Cook

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2014, 07:49:35 AM »
Cuchculan is right, Lulu.  Get a little hope and pleasure out ofthe small things.  I lopve my twolittle grandsons and get joy out of beingwith them.  And, when I hathis illnessthree yearsago, it left oneday as quickly as it came.  You have tobe patient.  In Alcoholics Anonymous, they have a saying, "Fake it til you make it."  I manage tolaugh andit makes me feel better.

You are not alone, andnever, ever give up hope.  As the Cuch says, you never know what tomorrow may bring, especially in the way of happiness.

Best regards,

Julie
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Offline Tiffannyb123

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2014, 09:42:47 AM »
I totally understand what your saying. I have only been fighting this anxious bout since April and I feel like I missed the whole summer. But I agree with the other two that posted, I now take pleasure in the smaller things. Things people usually take for granted. Things I took for granted. I am trying to build on that. As long as I'm still here, I have a chance to live the life I used to. Good luck to you:)
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Offline LuLu82

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2014, 01:18:05 PM »
I am sorry to be such a downer.
Depression has really sunk in at this point, waking up with dread every morning on figuring out how to fill my day. I want to start working outside again as I need to get back into life but feel I can't commute on transit now and don't have access to a car daily.
  I hope once I start Anti-depressant it will at least help the hopelessness and not being able to imagine a future anymore.
I try and be grateful. I've said many times that this problem has allowed me to not take things for granted anymore and really learning the meaning of appreciating the small things. it's just been hard to look at things from a positive perspective lately.
I'm really grateful to have you all to vent to and listen as I think only others who have suffered really understand this. I;m sure if I think hard there was a time I enjoyed life after this started, probably a sedated calm moment but still better than nothing..

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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2014, 04:42:12 PM »
You know, I spent 10 years in the house. Try and imagine that if you can. It is not a road you want to go down. I would lay on my bed and just want each day to be over and done with. Not that I was looking forward to the next day. I once used to say that life was one big long day with sleep in between. That is exactly what it felt like. I got so fed up looking at the walls of my bedroom. I would spend time even looking out the window at others doing things that once, to me, would be so easy to do. I was watch my life go by. Not taken part in any of it at all. I knew I had to do something. So my first step was my back garden. Not any way far from home. Some may not even class it as leaving home. But it was outside the house. I began to look for things to do. Had a whole garden to play around with. So I began to plant flowers. Had my mother buy seeds. I made my own little hot house to grow them in over the winter months. It was a start. It was something to focus on. It was exercise too. Air in the lungs. I then done the front garden up. Trust me, even out there I had to get used to been out of the house again. It was never easy. Ten year fight to get back out there. Then I began to go for small walks around the area I live in. I began to challenge myself. Push myself that bit further each time. It is never easy. I will tell you that now for free. It will be a struggle. Hardest fight of your life. But it can be done if you really want to do it. If you start to believe in yourself. These days I go here and there. Buses and trains. One non stop fight. I have a life of sorts. Better than the life I had when stuck in the house. You will feel bad at times. That is when you leave the house. You are been hit by feelings you don't want to be hit by. Feelings we always ran away from. But the more we stay put and stop running the easier it does become. Those bad feelings become weaker. Your mind and body get used to them. Never say never. You may be in a bad place right now. I have been there before. But there is always a road back. Takes some people a while to find it. Or a while to want to find it. I have been where you are now. Now I am where you want to be. It can be done. Medication is part of the answer. But hard work by you is the biggest part of the answer. Don't expect to just suddenly get better and take on the world again. Not how it goes. I wish it was that easy. Think we all do. Get ready for a battle. May feel like you can't win it right now. Trust me once you get a head of steam up and your mood begins to lift, you will begin to notice changes. You will want to do things. Just keep on fighting. Don't just sit there. No matter small it is, find that one thing to do each day. The less we do the more we feel down. We know we are wasting days away. Even keep a journal. I have about twenty of them. Not all nice words. Me been honest about how I am feeling day by day. Even just writing the journal was something to do. Anything at all. Just don't sit there. It will all pay off come the end of the day. Trust in yourself and trust in me when I tell you that.
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Offline LuLu82

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2014, 12:18:32 AM »
Cuchculan I am sorry that you had that experience for years. At least something positive came out of it and you are helping others and learned to garden in the meantime. It is really inspiring and beautiful to see. one of the things i have been ruminating over lately is that I have become so self centered and absorbed with my own problems.  I try and reach out, but it is so half assed, I cannot keep focus on it to make any real difference.
I've also been feeling like I have lost social skills since I have isolated so much, it is difficult interacting with people, even close family..I hope this will improve when I am feeling better and back into daily life again. Did you experience anything like that with being isolated for so long,If you went back to work, etc?  if you don't want to share that's ok.
 there are different levels of agoraphobia and I know to be really grateful that I drive as some are  home bound.  When i have gotten over this I hope I can work in some capacity to help others do exposure therapy, even in a peer support setting.  It feels like this is not talked about like other mental health conditions but is so crippling for people who suffer.


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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2014, 05:33:00 AM »
Honest answer. First person I used to ever think about was myself. How would I manage to do this. How would I manage to do that. Nobody else ever really mattered as long as I go by what was in front of me. It can come across as cold. Like we don't really care about others. My family knew of my problems. They understood what was going on. But anybody outside of the family would think I was a cold hearted person. It can be like the biggest secret that we have. We simply don't want to tell people about it. I think we are all great at acting. Outside my own family I would seriously say only about three people knew about my anxiety for over 25 years. In my mind I always felt ' why do the rest need to know '. I was staying in the house. That does mean losing your social skills. All that has to be learned all over again. Like a kid starting out in life. We begin at the bottom once more and work our way back up. The skills are still there. We simply have to learn how to use them again. It will take time. We can easily sit at home feeling sorry for ourselves. I think many of us have been guilty of doing that one. Once we get by that and accept the situation and accept this is our life for now, we can begin to make changes. Right now you should be the more important person in your own life. May sound a bad thing to say. But it is you who is going through hell with this. You have to learn how to look after yourself. Hard to look after others if we can't look after ourselves. Just stick with it. It does get better.
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Offline Mairi

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2014, 02:21:46 PM »
Last summer. Last summer was blissful. Then everything went crazy.
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Offline LuLu82

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2014, 08:38:30 PM »
thank you so much Cuchculan, your words are so comforting.  I hope I will be in your position soon helping someone else  ;D
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Offline Xjunkie4jesus

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Re: When was the last time you enjoyed life
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2014, 04:35:41 AM »
Mine comes usually right at the end of my times of struggle. I got out of the Crisis Unit FOR THE 2ND TIME the other day and enjoyed going to Wal Mart and having coffee yesterday with my fiance. That's the FIRST time in a LONG time and surprising because I have a hard time in big stores!
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