Any advice on stress??

[laura124]

Hello,  I'm new to all of this blogging but not new to anxiety.  However, the health anxiety has began sometime in my 30's (I'm 41 years old).  I've become very educated in the medical field with a degree in psychology and speech pathology and graduate school in guidance and counseling.  However, no matter how much I know, I cannot get my life in order.  I know one thing--hypochondria (I hate using that term because of the stigma attached) is brought on by stress.  I call it my "coping mechanism"--when things in my life become too hard to even face, the hypochondria distracts me from the real issues that I need to deal with.  The panic was so bad in the past, I cannot even bare the thought of going to the doctor for fear of finding something "irregular".  I've been married for 17 years and have had many ups and down but recently (the last 3 years) my husband lost his career as a commodities trader/broker because of electronic trading.  He has had like 5 jobs in 3 years, we've been on unemployment 4 times, and we can't maintain health insurance for more than 5 months at a time because his jobs don't last that long.  I have a 13 and 14 year old at home and my 13 year old son has ADHD.  The medication he takes alone (without the doctor visits) cost us $170.00 a month.  We have been living off a home equity credit line for 2 years and I've only got $8,000 left on the line!  I'm in panic mode!  Currently, my husband is working for a friend that is trying to start a roofing and siding company.  Again, I have no health insurance.  Also, we live in Chicago so he will be out of work in the Winter.  Then what?  I work for my Dad as an apartment manager-he has 75 units and make approximately $20,000 per year (no insurance benefits) with total flexibility.  I hate to give that up for a job that requires 40 hours a week (time away from kids) and doesn't pay that much more.  Help!  Does anybody have any advice?

[jml945]

Hi Lauren, I can relate to much of what you wrote. I am currently unemployed and me and my wife are living with our in-laws to help get us transitioned while we are still getting on our feet. In the meantime I have had anxiety issues which I thought were health issues and have totaled several thousand dollars in medical bills which I can't afford.

The key to dealing with anxiety, for me, is to stop the "what if?" thinking. I noticed in your post you were worrying about a lot of "what if?" scenarios where you assume the worst. While it's ok to think about such things to plan ahead, you can't obsess over them because it will only make your anxiety worse. It's a thought pattern that has to be broken, and it can permeate your life if you let it, just as it did with me. The what if thoughts you have about your health are the same as that of your financial situation and they all have a root cause which is your anxiety.

[laura124]

Thank you so much for that advice--you are totally right!  You made me realize that I am focusing on the worse "what if" scenarios.  I guess I may be in a different phase of my health anxiety concerns than some people on this blog.  I went through the physical symptoms, panic and dread, and finally "please reassure me" phase in my thirties.  I went to doctors, had EKG's, blood tests, thyroid check--you name it--ALL normal. I've obsessed about everything that these people are obsessing about it and more! I now recognize the negative thought pattern but I can't always beat it--especially if I really get a minor illness.  Last fall I had a really awful stomach flu bug that lasted 2 weeks that sent me into panic--in fact, I think I still haven't fully recovered--from the anxiety!  This blog has helped me in a way that it is some support that other people are going through the same thing-but I'm finding that hearing some of this symptoms has me checking for the same symptoms or I'm actually getting them!  I really need support on getting to the root of my anxiety and how to learn to look at life with a positive attitude!  Thank you for the insightful advice about trying not to focus on the "what ifs" and all the bad things that could happen.  I know things could be much worse for me and that in the end it usually works itself out!

[jml945]

Laura, you have some great insight into your anxiety and you would do very well to use it to your advantage. As always, I think it's easier to look at someone else's problems and help them fix it before you can look at your own problems objectively and deal with them. That's just human nature though. I, like you, have had numerous physical symptoms for years which I thought were a sign of major illness such as MS or cancer. But all the tests came back perfectly fine. In the end, it was all caused by anxiety. I had neglected to realize that #1 I have always been a very anxious person, who is hyper-sensitive to my own thoughts and feelings as well as my environment and that #2 my health anxiety was making my symptoms worse. When I started to unveil the curtain that I really am an anxious person, that's when I realized I could beat this and make progress. I am not there yet, and I only speak as someone who is right there with you. It's like looking in the mirror really, and it doesn't matter what kind of degree you have or how smart you are, anxiety can still affect any one of us the same way.

Hang in there. As you said, things tend to work themselves out. That is true in my own experience in many facets of my life. I really don't know why I worry at all because I have always been taken care of. I never go without, and I really always have whatever I need to make me happy. The only thing that makes me unhappy are my anxious reactions to perceived fears that are unfounded. In the end it is me, and not my circumstances that are responsible for my own unhappiness.

Anyways, I wish you and your family the best of luck.