Chat Now!   Member Gallery    Member Articles    Games   Member Groups   Member Blogs   Health News    Bored?

Author Topic: Woke up feeling sick and lonely  (Read 943 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Shard

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
  • Country: cz
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mood: Thoughtful
    Thoughtful
  • Basically, I have no idea, what I'm doing!
    • Poke This Member
Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« on: September 02, 2014, 12:23:57 PM »
Last two days were amazing. I returned to my high school agter the summer break and I was feeling "ok" which is an siccess for me. But today, when I got home, I was feeling really tired and I decided to take a nap. And after I woke up, I was feeling terrible. It was like my legs were covered by ants and my mounth was so dry. But the worst thing is the feeling like I'm alone. I don't know why, but I feel like everybody is avoiding me and I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I did something really bad and I don't deserve feel well and I don't deserve attention if others. (I'd really go for some nice words now...)  :traurig001:
Bookmark and Share
I'm a soul trapped inside of body.

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1465
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2014, 12:53:54 PM »
Hi,

You know, what you are going through is not unusual for anyone with anxiety . . . but, there are additional influences when you are in high school . . . .sometimes when the excitement of an event (like returning to school) wears off, there is a loss that we feel we have to find a cause to explain it . . . not knowing much about you (which is okay because on this forum we only tell what we want to tell), I might suspect that now that the initial excitement and newness about returning to school has worn off and things settle into a routine, that you feel as if you are out of the loop . . .

As much as you think that you are alone, you are not. You probably do need to make some effort to seek out others with whom you connect and build friendships. . . .some friendships last a day and others a lifetime but you won't know until you start. Does your school offer after school activities that you might want to join? Do you have a close friend who might join with you to provide a comfort zone? What do you like to do? Perhaps you are interested in photography --- do you have a school newspaper?

One really good thing about being in high school is that you are at an age when your brain is still developing . . . .it does not really reach a fully developed state until around 25 . . . because you are recognizing an issue and reaching out, it shows that you are very in tuned with yourself and you know that you want things to change . . . this is a sign of inner strength . . . but with any type of inner strength, you need to channel it into action . . . .I won't lie to you . . .sometimes it is not an easy task and sometimes we (myself included) feel frustrated and disappointed but we move on and take from the lesson what we can and build a better model of ourselves for ourselves and for others . . .

When you have anxiety and you do not have strong management skills (and these only come with time and effort) it is easy to push the blame back on yourself . . . that you did something wrong or that you do not deserve attention . . . but, you did nothing wrong and you deserve attention . . . sometimes, though, it takes a bit of time to build this up . . . my suggestion is: do positive random acts of kindness --- befriend someone who does not seem to have any connections . . . this may not become a lifetime friendship but you will have added to your reservoir of inner strength; reach out and do volunteer work; or, if these steps are a bit too big for you to take, look at yourself and decide what you want to do with you . . . .perhaps you may decide to embark on a positive lifestyle . . . no, you don't have to turn into Arnold Schwarnegger, but you may want to start swimming or walking (but start small and build up). Do you have a passion? Do you like any type of sport and if so can you help a young kid in the neighbourhood become good at it . . . .you're smart to know that something is there and you need to do something to change, but you need to do it. You may need a bit of guidance. Do you have a supportive family? If not, then check out the school counselor . . . you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to but perhaps tell the counselor that you are looking for ways to broaden your experiences and perhaps the counselor can help you. . . .and, as always, do come here and check in . . . you are not alone and it might take us some time to respond to your postings, but we are here and the way we advance through our own issues is often by helping others and learning from them . . . so, come here as often as you would like and we will do our best to support you . . .take care, kc
Bookmark and Share

Offline TyeDyedButterfly

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 356
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 3
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Indescribable
    Indescribable
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2014, 12:55:20 PM »
Hi Shard,
 Us that have anxiety and panic also depression and many other mental health and physical health problems will go through the same thing we think the worse and then feel the worse.

You are loved and you aren't alone those are negative thoughts so each time one or how many ever pops up slap them back down with positive thoughts and the more you show anxiety you aren't going to take it then it will ease up and you will have realized you have a lot going on and life is good so do not let those thoughts happen because they are lies. 

When you wake up like that start the positive thinking and grab some ice water and shake off those body symptoms and remember self positive thoughts!!  remember the good days and tell yourself you will not accept less and have a good day!  Distraction helps too.

Peace
Tye
Bookmark and Share
PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS !

God is Good all the Time! All the Time God is Good! :)

Offline Shard

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
  • Country: cz
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mood: Thoughtful
    Thoughtful
  • Basically, I have no idea, what I'm doing!
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2014, 01:43:16 PM »
Thank you very much for all the replies!! I've started a lifestyle change on advice of my psychologist, who said, that I should lose some weight, because I have high blood pressure and that might be causing problems, when I'm exposed to stress. Anyway, I started a diet, my dad told me about an effective way of losing weight, which is basically a diet based on my blood type. (But I'm still getting used to that.) Also, my grandad inspired me a lot. I'm not really into sport, but my grandad few years ago lost a lots of kilos, just because he was walking. He was taking a long walks on a daily basis and after three months, he was completely different person. He had much more energy and he was looking much happier. (But then my grandma made him stop and now he's really ill and doesn't look well at all.) My family is sometimes really weird. I've described it here: http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,93208.msg520470.html#msg520470

Also, I'm not really a social person. My anxiety and depression is from a huge part caused by that. (Feeling worthless and not worthy to being loved.) I started to ignore that and I kinda got used to fact, that I'm not really interesting for other people. But despite that, I still feel really bad in shops and at crowded places and I'm really afraid of passing out in front of people and I'm scared, that nobody will notice and nobody will help. But I'm also afraid, that people will notice that too much and from that day I'll be "the guy who passed out". That's how my fears works there's no right or wrong. Just wrong.  ;D

My hobby is trying to learn to play piano and also I have a big project, that I'm starting to work on. I'll do my own comic. (Maybe it's silly, but I have a story, that I've been working on for a few years and inspired by Ava's Demon comic I decided to make my own comic.) That't what my life is mostly about now. I'm trying to ignore my brain saying, that I'm not enough to be loved, I'm trying to ignore my family, that is pushing me to speed up curing my mental problems and I'm trying to make school less stressfull. Also I'm trying to change my lifestyle and it works, I really feel much better in generall, but you know, how it works. My brain says: Why do you even try? You're a worthless bag of trash. Why don't you just lie down here and die?

(Also, sorry, if my english is bad. I know, it's bad...) :D
Bookmark and Share
I'm a soul trapped inside of body.

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1465
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2014, 05:43:58 AM »
Hi,

Your English is fine and so is your inner strength . . . I also walk and, after the first few weeks, I find it extremely calming . . .

All families are weird, but just weird in different ways . . . so, you need to create your own life history . . . it seems as if you are suffering from a very big loss of self-esteem for a lot of reasons, but if you are working with a psychologist, perhaps he or she can help you work through these triggers . . . you may feel "unloved" because of your weight or something someone said, etc., but that does mean that you are unloved . . .  sometimes, because of the anxiety, we think of worst case scenarios . . . the worst thing that will happen if you pass out is that someone will help; the best thing that will happen is that you will know that it is not the end of the world. . . . oh, someone might say something, but so what? Chances are you will not see that person again or even more chances are is that the event will pass into everyone's memory and be forgotten . . . again, let's say worst case scenario is that people keep reminding you of it and so what? you know who you are . . . . I know you want to be accepted by others, but first we each have to accept ourselves . . . since early childhood, I always would pass out when we would get vaccinations / needles, etc. and everyone made fun of me at school . . . I finally stopped paying attention to them and they went on to something different . . . and, by the way, I eventually overcame my anxiety with vaccinations . . . but that happened when I stopped worrying about what other people would say or think . . . we cannot control anyone else, but we can be the best we can be . . .

As for the comic book . . .fantastic! For quite a few reasons . . . one, any type of artistic expression helps us to get our inner anxieties out and look at them in the cold light of the real world . . . two, wow! to be creative, especially in combining the artwork of a comic with the ability to write character dialogue is quite the skill and three, it is of value by showing you that your accomplishments are made by you and do not depend on anyone else . . .whether anyone else approves or not does not matter . . . .

You know that the anxiety part of your brain may tell you one story, but the reality part of the brain is what you need to listen to . . . .anxiety loves to create more anxiety . . . in a way, I see my anxiety as a childish friend at times . . . it's like a kid who wants to come out to play but wants to play only on its terms . . . a bit like a bully . . . .if my reality brain allows it to be the bully, then anxiety only succeeds in creating more anxiety; if my reality brain says, look you can be part of my life but we have to be positive and do positive things, often anxiety brain gets bored and shuts down  . . .

Your grandad is a great inspiration and perhaps now you can return the favour but getting him out to walk with you (if you live close enough) or, if not, making an effort to visit and then get him to walk with you . . . .grandads need support also . . . this may be an opportunity to forge a special relationship with him . . . .only you can decide on what you can do . . . in the last analysis, you do have command of your life even if you are just in high school . . . it may not be pleasant but start forging who you want to be and start managing the negative input from friends and family . . . .your strength as you have shown comes not from them but from you . . . keep in touch, let us know how you are doing and, by all means, let us know how your comic is coming along . . . I am jealous because I am not creative at all . . . .the best that I can draw are "stick figures" . . . . look forward to hearing an update from you when you can . . .take care, kc
Bookmark and Share

Offline Shard

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
  • Country: cz
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mood: Thoughtful
    Thoughtful
  • Basically, I have no idea, what I'm doing!
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2014, 02:15:20 PM »
Hi, thanks for your nice words, it helps me a lot, really!! <3 Also sorry for replying so late, but it was a weekend and I was feeling weird. When I go to school, I feel kinda okay and when I get back home, I feel really bad. And it's worst at the weekends, because I spend home most of my time and I feel like useless person, because after school I'm really tired and I want just to rest, but part of me is feeling just useless. I don't know, what's wrong with me. (But that bad feeling at home scares me.)

You're definitely right about the fact that my self-confidence is not really the top level one. In last five years I've gone through many and many events, that changed my life a lot. I've lost people I loved, I've encountered with some really ride people, I've been really depressed last year, I've lost love and many many other stuff. And it's worse, because I completely lost trust to other people. I don't believe anyone. When someone is nice to me, I feel like it's because they need something for me. And when someone is rude to me, I overthing it a lot. (And I also think that people jist hates me and everyone is avoiding me.) It's probably from most part because of my look. I'm reaaaaly ugly, trust me! (Some people even told me that right into my face.)

As I said, I'm trying to lose some weight, but now I've made a mistake, that I've dowloaded the app, that measures a heart beat. (My doctor told me, that I should start doing some sport, because I have a high blood pressure.) So I thought, it would be nice to check my heart rate, but after I did so, I'm afraid of getting out of the house. Those numbers were sooo damn high!! (I mean, when I'm sitting or lying, my heart rate is between 75-85 BPM, but there are also results like 150 BPM after walking up the stairs or 165 BPM after 15 minutes of fast walk. Is that even normal?) I started to be really afraid, that I'll have a heart atrack soon and everything around started to mess up. First I started to feel pain in my chest. (Because why not?) And most importantly, my grampa had a heart attack!! (The another one. This one is smoking and drinking for all his live.) But I still feel really uncomfortable now. I'm afraid of doing anything, but I need to start with something...

Thing that helps me a lot is also my comic, I'm slowly working on. (I'm doing the design of the logo right now.) I'll make sure to let you know, after I make some progress. :)

Also, thanks for replying, I hope, you'll reply to me again, you're a huge inspiration for me right now.

Take care, Shard!! :)
Bookmark and Share
I'm a soul trapped inside of body.

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1465
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2014, 07:39:47 AM »
Hi,

As hard as this is to accept, it is something that you need to work on . . . there are people who are cruel (especially in high school) and there are people who will use you while seemingly being nice to you (that's more or less life), but there are a lot of really nice people out there, yourself included . . . all this means is that you need to become comfortable with yourself and, yes, this easier said than done.

You are in a process of recovering physically (losing weight) and psychologically (from anxiety) and emotionally (from low self-esteem). First, yes, when you begin exercise your heart beat will be higher because it is a combination of a new physical activity and the anxiety creating concern. I had to do the same thing and I had the same symptoms but rather than being told to take up a sport, my doctor told me that we do not play sports to become healthy; we become healthy first in order to play sports. So, I decided to do things slowly but I did them consistently. First, I would walk just 5 minutes in one direction and then back. Nothing quick; nothing extreme. But, because of the anxiety, my heart beat would be high. I kept on doing this while practicing mindfulness. It takes the type of inner strength that I know you have. Then I would alk 10 minutes in one direction and then back . . . . sometimes to go from one level to the next took a week; sometimes 2 weeks but I did not pressure myself. I took baby steps . . . .when I felt comfortable in going from one level to the next, then I did it. Now I walk 45-60 minutes a day and it is my mindfulness time . . . . after about a month or so, I began to want to talk and my heart rate stabilized. I also changed my lifestyle . . . .cut out fried foods, red meat, alcohol, and, even though I did not do them, drugs and started getting into a very regular sleep pattern (this was the most difficult but it can be done) . . . .I started to lose weight but I did it for me . . . .

I was also in school and because I am pretty good at certain academic subjects, folks would pretend to be my friends (not all of them) so I would help them. Because I wanted to feel a sense of belonging, I would but then I realized that these people were using me and so I stopped . . .yeah, I was not popular, but you know what? I met up with other people who did not want to use me and we became friends . . .

Now, I do not care how much you weigh because what counts, especially now, who you are . . . .if you have the strength that I sense that you have, you will stay with the process and, yes, it is a process . . . . it is not quick and there may be people who will discourage you or, worse, encourage you to remain who and how you are because that is their comfort zone . . . .but, embrace the process . . . .  start a journal . . . the entries do not have to be long . . . put into one or two positive things you did to help you on your physical recovery and one or two positive things you did to help you on your psychological recovery (such as mindfulness practice), and one or two things that helped you on your emotional recovery (what did you do for you =-== perhaps you ignored hurtful comments; perhaps you made an offer of friendship to someone else) and, if there is no one at your school whom you can befriend for whatever reason, get out into the community . . . . is there someone out there you can help? Again, it does not have to be a major thing . . . .anything . . .

Keep working on your comic but balance it out . . . .your comic is a way for you to feel accomplished but you need to balance it . . . .so for every hour you spend working on your comic, do something physical . . . you don't have to walk a whole hour at the beginning but maybe you could do 5 or 6 walks that are each just 10 minutes . . . .

You will get to feel more comfortable in steps . . .each change will bring a sense of being uncomfortable because it is a change to our comfort zone . . .even a negative comfort zone provides us with some security so as you change your comfort zone, do it in small steps . . .. anxiety will challenge you to stay the same, but if you do changes in small steps, you will start to manage those feelings of being different . . .

Do not be afraid to try something and to fail because even failing is a learning process . . . if you start off going for a walk for an hour or going too quickly, you will feel that you have failed because you have not met your imposed expectations of performance . . . . so, learn from that . . . you may learn that smaller steps are more effective than giant leaps . . .

I sense that there might be issues with your home situation and this is difficult because you do not have independence to do what you want and change things throughout the family . . . but, you do have the power to change what you do and, yes, it is difficult . . . your change means that other people have to change and they may not want to do that but you do have to persevere . . . you are coming through 5 years of difficulties and perhaps have experienced more life than most at your age, but you hold your future in your decisions . . . . you will hit speedbumps in your recovery but the trick is to see them for what they are . . . .they are merely obstacles that we work around . . .

Look, you are an intelligent, caring individual . . . .now turn that intelligence and caring on yourself to become the person that I sense you want to become . . . .it is a process and not an event and throughout it, you will have to make decisions that are difficult, but you get to live your life the way you design it . . . .if others are not happy that you are changing into an extremely confident person capable of making these decisions, then try to explain to them your needs . . . you need family and friends and society as they need you but you also need yourself and I feel that you are ready to start that journey . . . .

Come here as often as you like . . . .and, by the way, when you are taking your heart rate, are you sure you are doing it correctly . . . .blood pressure will rise with any change in physical activity . . . in fact, blood pressure can change minute to minute . . . . start with small steps, Shard, and build up . . . .and when you need to check in with a caring community of folks, come here . . . we will do our best to support you and provide you with a safe environment in which to express yourself . . . .remember:  balance being at home and working on your comic with physical activity and some type of mindfulness / meditation . . . let us know how things are going . . . take care, kc
Bookmark and Share

Offline nomoretears

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 107
  • Rec's: 1
  • Gender: Female
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2014, 01:12:27 PM »
Naps can exacerbate anxiety and depression.

Sleep changes brain chemicals, definitely not uncommon to feel out of sorts when waking up from one, it takes a little while for the body and mind to adjust to the waking up process.

Hunger is another major anxiety trigger, if you're dieting be sure not to starve yourself, get enough to eat, whether it's veggies or nuts etc... Low blood sugar can set off those anxious hormones like no one's business.
Bookmark and Share

Offline Shard

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
  • Country: cz
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mood: Thoughtful
    Thoughtful
  • Basically, I have no idea, what I'm doing!
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2014, 02:20:22 PM »
Hi, thanks for a reply!! I'm not used to fact that someone may be actually trying to help me. Usually people act like: "It's your problem, your fault. You have to solve it on your own." That's why I'm pretty gratefull for every advice and reply, you'll give me!! :)

I think I'm cool with fact, that some people are just cruel. Last summer I was pretty depressed about that, because I was afraid of the whole world and most importantly, I was afraid, that I'll become one of those cruel people too. But one thing, that really helped me were videos from a Czech youtuber, who had pretty similar life, as I have, but with one difference - He was pretty optimistic and the way he saw life was really simple and he was doing everything without any stress. I've learned from him a lot and mostly he helped me to stop being sad about people being cruel and stupid.

I've noticed, that my problem with weird heart beat is appearing only in two cases: When I have to walk to school and when I walk in the fields. (When I walk from school, it's the same path, about a mile long and it's just okay. I've tried to walk a bit faster and it was just okay.) So I guess, that the problem is just my brain playing tricks on me. When I walk somewhere else, I don't have problems. (I'm now just afraid of PE lessons in school, because my teacher is sort of a mad man. He's able to let me run in a circles for 30 minutes. I'm afraid of dying of a heart attack, because since I know, how high my heart rate is, I'm just scared.) And also, my teacher believes, that if you stop eating for a month and you'll just drink water, all the diseases will disappear. (And he means stuff including cancer.) He always picks especially me and all he does is, that he's talking about how many people he cured from cancer and talks about himself like about some sort of hero. (I'm scared of him. I'm afraid, that he'll want to try some of his experiments on me.)

I have a few friends, but most of them are "busy", every time I ask them to go out with me. I gave up... I think, that people are just avoiding me. I stopped to trust people, including myself. Last five years was like a big rolercoaster of events and through all that time I had no idea, that the reason was anxiety. I was really young and I thought, that I'm just being stupid. I had no idea, it's an illness, that was rising inside my head.

I work on my comic mostly on weekends, about two hours before I go to sleep. It's like my happy time. And don't worry, I definitely spend more time "doing stuff" than doing comic. :)

You're definitely right, that there's something going wrong in my home. I'm 18 and I have to live with my parents and that's probably the problem. Especially my father is the personality, who needs to have control over everything around him and when he feels like something is getting out of his hands, he starts skylarking and yelling. (When my anxiety problems started to reach from brain to whole body, he started to diagnose me. First he said, that I can't go to the psychologist in any case!! But then, when he saw me being sick, he started with Schizofrenia, Epilepsy and then he added my favourite brain tumor.) My anxiety was at very high level at that moment! Then I went to psychologist and she said, that I have "just" anxiety. She gave some advices and antidepressants and it's been two months and I made a serious progress!! But back to my home problems. I'd like to tell my psychologist, that I feel bad at home and it's most likely because of my parents, but if I'd tell her, she's tell them and they'll be like: "We gave you life, we gave you home, we're feeding you, we are clothing you and in exchange, you're depressed because of us?! You're the most the most ungratefull person in the world!" (I haven't asked anyone to give me a live. I mean, is "this" is a life, if the things I saw and experienced in past 18 years are life, then I can say just: No, thanks. Not interested!)

I got a bit sick, while writing this... But the fact is, that my family is giving me a hard time. My dad is, as I described him + he always let me do his stuff at home and when I ask him for help, he sais, that he can't, because his back is painfull. (So he's just standing there and wathing me.) And my mother is a bit selfish. (She has a photo of herself as a PC wallpaper.) She always says stuff like: I'm sooo tired, I don't want to do this, I don't want to go anywhere. But when I say, I'm tired, she start to get angry: What can you possibly be tired of? Your life is not as hard as my life, shut up!!

I have to admit, that it's hard to write these things, because I think, that it's all my fault. Probably because every time, I'm trying to complain about my father's behavior, I end up with conclusion, that it's my fault. (It started, when I was about 12 years old. I asked him, why he's so hard on me and he said, it's because I'm just a miserable son.) I've had really hard times with my parents and I'm working really hard to became independant. (I admit, that I may not be the best son in the world, but at least, I don't do drugs, cigarettes or alcohol, I'm pretty decent at school and everything, my parents ask me to do, I do. I'm just ugly and anxious, that's the problem, I guess.)

Enough about my parents. Now I'd like to ask you, what do you mean by inner strenght? (In a past I've encountered with something similar. I got a message from a girl, who said, that she saw just a photo of me somewhere on the internet, but she had to contact me, because she felt something inside me.) She started to describe my personality and everything she said was extremely right. (She apparently knew all that stuff just from a photo, because she told me stuff, that I never published on a web.) At the end, she told me, that I have a strong soul. I had to say, that I haven't. And if I do, my soul must be using it's strenght against me. :D And that's why I want to ask you about that, because I've encountered with this before, but I've never learned, what exactly that means. :)
Bookmark and Share
I'm a soul trapped inside of body.

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1465
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2014, 09:49:54 PM »
Hi,

Your inner strength comes from the fact that despite all of the negatives in your life, you continue to seek ways to improve yourself, to become the person that you know you can and want to be.

Your home life is a source, from what I can see, of a lot of your anxiety. You cannot please your parents because your parents are probably very unhappy people and all they can do is to redirect their anger and unhappiness at you . . .there is an expression that misery loves company meaning that often people who are unhappy make others around them unhappy because they cannot stand to see the other person go forward with their life . . . .in order to feel "powerful", they take it out on you . . . . you do not smoke, or drink, etc. which is great . . . don't start it even as a means to feel that you belong . . .

As for your father and PE teacher, they seem to be similar . . . .the need to control your life . . . your PE teacher sounds like an idiot  . . .sorry, and, by the way, don't do anything that you do not feel is safe . . . drinking just water for a month will not cure you of anything and, in all likelihood, will make you very ill . . . yes, you will probably lose weight in terms of muscle . . .when you withhold food from the body, it goes into starvation mode and holds onto fat tissue as a means to protect itself . . . because of an illness, I was off food for about 3-4 weeks . . . I lost weight but I became extremely weak, my muscles atrophied, etc. This is not the way to go . . . .the way to go is in gradual and small changes to your lifestyle increasing exercise bit by bit . . . . look at it this way . . . your PE teacher is risking YOUR health to try to prove his belief system . . . if he wants to experiment, let him do it on himself . . . . you may want to consider speaking with your psychologist and finding out if you can have a different PE class for medical reasons . . . .

With your friends, well, at 18, folks do start to go in different directions . . . . it is part of life but as these folks move off, look for new connections . . . . don't give up on these friends, but the more contacts you make, the better . . . I don't know whether there are community support groups that you can join where you live, but that's a possibility or have you thought of some volunteer activity . . .

People come in all shapes and forms . . . . and, yes, some people are nasty but others are not . . . . because of your family situation, trust would not come easy to you . . . .you probably feel betrayed by the attitudes of your parents, by the pressures that you feel . . . to be honest, and this may sound harsh coming from me, but I used to work with abused women and a lot of the behaviour of your parents from the control issues of your father to the reactions of your mother, are similar to the same type of actions coming from abusive situation . . . I am surprised that your psychologist would tell your parents anything that you told the psychologist. In Canada, at your age, your records would be considered confidential . . . .ask your psychologist why he or she would tell your parents anything that you discussed . . . .perhaps your country does not have privacy laws . . .

You know, sometimes when we get something down on paper, it does provoke a bit of anxiety because putting the problem in writing is giving it a physical form but it is good to get it out of your mind and on to paper and now you have to go one step further . . . you have to ask yourself, why you think that you are to blame for the attitudes of your parents . . . . they have been like this for a long time and for many reasons, reasons that you have no knowledge of and no responsibility for . . . they want you to feel guilty and dependent on them because they can control you through the guilt . . . .they want you to think that you are failing as a son, but you are not . . . .and, this again is where your inner strength comes into play . . .

You could simply accept what they tell you and allow them to define who you are or you can use that inner strength to start to plot, if you will, an escape . . . . you need to consider your options for moving out and what you will need to make that a reality . . . .  for example, when are you done with school? is there employment where you live or is their an opportunity to go somewhere else for work? what do you want to do with your life? Because your parents do not want change because the situation suits them quite nicely, they will not be happy with any changes you make but that is where you have to be strong . . . . carefully and slowly build your plan in much the same way as you would construct the plot of a comic book . . . all the while, you need to take care of yourself physically and psychologically . . . .

You do have a strong soul . . . it takes strength to come to a forum and to share your experiences . . . . it takes strength to know that you are the master of your own life history . . . . it takes strength to persevere and put up with intolerable situations; it takes strength to say no to what other people want that only feeds their ego while disregarding your needs; and it takes strength to take those first steps that take you out of your comfort zone . . . .at 18, you are experiencing a lot of different pulls on you . . . decide what is best for you . . . you will change over time . . . .some decisions may not work out the way you want but at least they were your decisions . . . act to benefit yourself and if someone makes you feel guilty, know that the guilt is not yours but theirs because they are trying to manipulate you for their purposes . . . .

Every day, find at least 3 good things about yourself . . .they do not have to be large things . . . . it may be as simple as you said hello to someone who everyone else ignores or it may be of benefit to you that you made a conscious decision not to engage your parents in an argument or it may be as great as looking at yourself in the mirror and knowing that complete strangers see the person you are and have the capacity to become because you have made a decision to look past the negative impact of other people and build on your positive qualities of which there are many but perhaps they are a bit hidden to you . . . .

So, remember . . . . it is not the years which make us mature, it is our experiences and how we handle them . . . at 18, your brain is maturing (usually we don't stop brain maturity until around 25) so strengthen your body, strengthen your mind, and, by all means, rely on that inner strength to know that you will succeed in writing your own history . . .check in with us when you can . . . .take care, kc
Bookmark and Share

Offline Shard

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
  • Country: cz
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mood: Thoughtful
    Thoughtful
  • Basically, I have no idea, what I'm doing!
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2014, 04:05:02 PM »
Hi, thanks for a reply!! It's the end of another weekend and I think, I was feeling better, despite the fact, that things were not really comfortable for me. It started at school on friday. I was feeling great, I even gone through a PE lesson without any struggle and I even got a great news: That crazy teacher will leave really soon!! (What a relief!!) I was feeling so great, that I decided to go to school gym after finishing all the lessons of the day. And at the gym things started to get wrong. I've met there my friend, who decided to become my trainer. (And he took it waaay to seriously.) He was still walking around me, telling me, that I'm doing everything wrong. (What a motivation.) My anxiety started to rise and shine. But then he came to me and started to ask me, if I have any plans for a future, like having a family etc. (I don't have any plans right now. I live in present and I need to get rid of my "demons".) Then he told me, that if I'm gonna continue like this, there will be no future for me and I'll die in an age of 25, due to obesity. (And that was a moment, I knew, I had enough. I just walked away to the toilet, breathed very deeply for about ten minutes and then I run away from there.) All the way home, my head was full of my friend, making my try to get fit feel like waste of time and most importantly, the information, that I'll die in less then seven years. (But on the other hand, maybe it's right. Sometimes I wish I was a stardust. I'd be great at being stardust. All you need to do is fly around in space and sometimes change shape. That's something I can handle. I guess...)

There was more things, that made me sad this weekend. You know, this summer was the worst summer, I've ever experienced. I have anxiety for five years, but it's just last six months, I experienced its full strenght. It ruined this summer for me and that makes me feel really bad. I'm trying to make at least weekends feeling better, but how can I? I've asked five people, if anyone wants to spend some time with me. Most of them are "busy" and some of them doesn't even bother to reply. (There must be something seriously wrong with me, right? I mean, FIVE people. How likely it is, that nobody will be busy? AT THE WEEKEND FOR GOD'S SAKE!!) And then came the cherry on top of the cake: My father wanted me to go with him to the capital city to the giant shop with a huge amount of people in it. I hate that place. (I have to go there with my father every sunday, but this weekend I had to go there even on saturday. My dad has a little bar in the city and I'm helping him with suplies, which includes really heavy boxes of stuff.) I was planning to take a rest this weekend, because school and long travelling (about 80 kilometers every day) is not a simple thing. But then my father comes. I feel like my muscles rots! I'm so tired, I feel really weak and my hands and legs are in pain. (Do I really deserve this? How can I go to school like that?) Why can't I ONCE do something I like? I still have to do stuff, that other people ask me to do, but I can never do, what I want to do. It's unfair!! (I feel a bit desperate now. Sorry, if I act like a drama queen.)

About moving out, yes, I have a plan. But I'm not sure about that. (It includes a girl, that I almost lost due to my anxiety and I'm not sure, if she still feels about me the way, she was feeling a year ago.) But I can say, that if I'll be lucky, I'll have a perfect place with perfect person to move in in less than two years. I just need some money for a start, but that's not a problem. I can do some custom graphic designs in order to get money. (But I feel like I need a second way. You know, she may find a better boy, than I am and then all my plans will collapse and I can't afford that. I need something more reliable.)

The reason I don't want to tell my psychologist everything is that she is specialised at family issues. And my family is one big issue, which means, that she'd immediately summon all my family members and that could destroy everything. My father will act like he did nothing and all the family misery is my fault and as soon as we'd get home, he'd start being himself again... NOPE! I've survived for 18 years, I'll survive two more years. The end is on sight. Yes, maybe I got damaged by living this way, but every war takes sacrifices, right?)

You think, that I can find something positive about myself? Let's see. Well, at least, I was in that huge shop, two times this week and I had no panic attack. I wasn't feeling comfortable, but it was a progress there. (The way I spot progress is by taking my antidepressants. Usually, I can see a changes after every tenth pill.) I'm not good at math, but if my calculations are correct, I should get back into the state of feeling "normal" on the 9th of october this year. We'll see. (I can do stuff like before now, but I still don't feel normal.) And other positive thing is, that despite all things, that happened in past years, I'm finally starting to solve my problems. (Which is something, that my parents was not able to do through their all lives, apparently.) At least one thing, I'm better than them at. Yeah, I don't feel well, but I feel better. And that means a lot. (Even if I'm not able to admit it.)

I'll go to sleep now. I have a school, PE and driving lessons tomorrow. (I want to be a stardust!) Thank you for your care and your replies and tips and everything. At least someone wants to talk to me and I appriciate that! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! <3

Take care, Shard.
Bookmark and Share
I'm a soul trapped inside of body.

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1465
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2014, 07:01:02 PM »
Hi,

Well, here's the good news . . . because you are having episodes of feeling better, this means that you have started with your building blocks and yes, there will be rough spots, but you need to approach these as challenges to strengthen your resolve, on the one hand, and your inner strength and capacity, on the other hand. All great signs that you are working yourself out of your situation. As I always say, I won't lie to you . . . it is not a smooth journey, but it is one that you have started and you will accomplish.

By the way, that is great news about your PE teacher . . . but, it is even better news that you went through a PE lesson without any struggle . .. well done and that should be something that you enter in your log as an accomplishment . . . but, this friend of yours is not a positive in your life . . . your friend may have great intentions, but he does not understand what your needs and goals are . . . what you need is a friend to support you as you exercise; you do not need a trainer . . . he appears to see his success in terms of you losing weight but he is disregarding that you need to do both the physical in small steps to support your recovery from anxiety . . . so, you can thank him for his intentions but explain to him that he will be more benefit as a friend who will work out with you and encourage you to keep at it consistently than to train you to become the next body builder . . . . if he is telling you that you are doing everything wrong, then he is using your situation to make himself feel more accomplished . . .. you do not need this and it is not healthy for you . . . because you do have a bit of low self-esteem and because you want so much to have friends, you may be willing to give into this friend but, remember, you are with you always; this friend may go on his merry way . . . so you need to develop your confidence that you know what is best for you and that you do not need to "buy" anyone's friendship by going along with what that other person wants . . . as I said, your friend may be well-intended but he is doing it on his terms and, as a friend, he should be reaching out to you and asking you what you need --- you need someone to work  out with you because that is always nicer; you need someone to respect your decisions about you; you need someone that you can chat with about the next step in training when you are ready, etc. At the same time, you have to be a friend back so you need to be interested in what he is doing, etc. Friendship is a two way street . . . he has to respect you and your needs and you need to respect what his needs are in a friendship.

Your friend is not helping you even though he may think he is motivating you . . . you know that you need to lose weight and you are doing something about it . . . right now, your focus needs to be on you because your present is carving out your future . . .  you do not need anyone to do a power trip on you by telling you that you do not have a future . . . you have whatever future you want it to be . . . .now, the good part of this episode is that you went away and you did deep breathing . . .excellent . . . you also processed that you knew that your friend was wrong . . . .getting fit is not a waste of time, but it does require time and you have started the process . . . don't let anyone tell you otherwise . . . you can be stardust in your life . . . you can change shape which is what you are doing . . . .you are changing your physical shape but, of greater significance, you have started to change your mental shape . . . .not only can you handle this, I strongly suspect that you can excel at it once you start believing in yourself and your right to make decisions . . .again, folks may not like it because if you change that means you are taking them out of their comfort zone . . . your friend may not like the idea that he can't push you around because he feels a sense of control when he can do that and that makes him feel good . . . .well, you do not have to sacrifice your well-being for someone else . . . .strangely enough, when I started to stand up for myself, I actually figured out who were my real friends . . . I lost a whole bunch of people, but they weren't really my friends because they did not have what was best for me foremost in the relationships . . .

Yeah, you have had an extended number of years of negative input. Okay, so you asked 5 people to spend some time with you and they either were too busy or they did not respond. OK . . . you did your part with those people . . . so what else can you do? can you volunteer? even if it is just one day a week or even joining what we call a Telephone Tree . . . some of us volunteer to call 5 seniors who live alone once a day to check in and just to have a chat for maybe 5 or 10 minutes . . . I know, these are not folks that you would become friends with who are your peers, but they are connections and they have stories to share or you are a graphic artist . . . any community groups that may be able to use your talents and this is probably something you could do when you had time . . . .I know that you are looking for friends so you and your friends could go to the movies or for a walk or just chat on the phone . . . . but sometimes just making a connection with anyone is good for the spirit  . . . as for connecting with people in your own age group . . . well, I think that will happen more easily as you take the next steps in your journey and probably easier once you get away from what seems to be a very toxic home environment . . .

As for your father and his bar . . . . and this is easier said than done because your father does not appear to be one to compromise but perhaps you need to start pulling away and saying that you can do either Saturday or Sunday but that you need one day off for yourself . . . explain that you are willing to help as much as you can but that doing the supplies every weekend for two days is more than you can do and it is affecting your schoolwork because you do not have any down time . . . .and, as well, you are experiencing physical pain . . . .forgive me, but your father appears to be a control freak and you, unfortunately, are the prime target for it . . . he does it because he knows from experience that you will not rebel  . . . but, you are not a drama queen . . . you are frustrated and you are being backed into a corner . . . unfortunately, your father does not realize that he is driving you away and once you do leave, contact with you may be few and far between . . . you are desperate because you do not see any way out of the situation, but there is a way . . . . no one can control you as you improve your health, physical and mental and by doing that you will have the tools to leave when you are able to do so . . .

So, you have a plan and it includes a girl . . . great, but know that you cannot control what the girl decides to do . . . .have you been talking with her? is she supportive of you? I know you feel that you will be lucky if she stays with you, but you have to realize that she is also lucky that she has found you . . . if it works out, great, but don't sell yourself short. What you owe each other is honesty . . . both can feel lucky that they found each other, but one should not feel that he owes anything to the girl simply because the girl is still in the picture . . .  you are worth being part of a girl's life simply because you are a good hearted, intelligent person who knows how to treat other people . . . not because you have received good treatment but because you know how it feels to receive bad treatment . . . .the fact that you are not bitter and cruel as a result of the treatment that you have received speaks to your inner strength again and to a strong positive character . . . so, yes, you will be lucky to find the right girl just as she will be lucky to find you . . . and, yes, she may find someone else but all that means is that the relationship was not that strong . . . . keep thinking of a second plan . . . but don't feel that you are any less of a person because a relationship does not work out . . . .

I can understand about your issues with your psychologist . . . you need to make that decision on what to tell her and what not to tell her . . .you will survive 2 more years and during that time you will rebuild your health and build an escape plan . . . and then you will thrive and succeed and hopefully find a different counselor to help strengthen all those good characteristics that you have and that you are working to enhance. that you are positive and that you know of the damage you are that much further ahead because you will also recover from the damage  . . . you are not your parents . . . you have your own history to write and it may have to be without them for several years until you consolidate who as an individual away from what appears to be a suffocating family but you will do it . . . .

Excellent that you are identifying positive things about yourself . . .the fact that you may have been uncomfortable at the shop but did not have a panic attack, well done!!! That you feel better and you are solving problems means that you are being proactive and moving past allowing anxiety to control you . . . the fact that you are doing this without close support is marvelous . . . truly an accomplishment . . . .sleep well and remember: be stardust in the here and now ---change into the person you want to be and follow your own pathway . . . we need more people like you in our lives and inhabiting this earth . . . .glad to have you in the forum . . . you are among friends here and we will do our best to support you in your journey . . . thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us . . . your kindness in doing so only makes each of us stronger in our own way . . . take care of yourself, KC
Bookmark and Share

Online Sn-ez903

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12
  • Country: us
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Okay
    Okay
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2014, 12:49:50 PM »
Feeling the love in this thread  :bigsmile:
Bookmark and Share
" A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor"

Offline Shard

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 50
  • Country: cz
  • Rec's: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • Mood: Thoughtful
    Thoughtful
  • Basically, I have no idea, what I'm doing!
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2014, 02:38:25 PM »
Hi, thanks for another reply! I hope I don't take you too much time. :) I have to admit, that I was thinking a lot this week and things are starting to take shape. At the beginning of the summer I was literally feeling like I'm gonna die in few days and this feeling was following me three months and it completely ruined this summer. But on the other hand, now I feel much better. You know, right now are two voices in my head. One says: You're doing great, you feel better every day. And the second one is saying: This is unfair. Everyone enjoyed their summer and all you got was sick feeling and lack of social contact. You will never be able to get back and change it.

That makes me feel like I wasted my time and I feel really sad about this summer. I had so many plans, but then my anxiety striked with more power than ever before. I don't know, what to do now. I know, that it's over and I should focus on present more, but I still feel like it's unfair and I want to compensate. I'd say, I want my money back!! :D (Or at least I need to figure out something, that could make me feel better.)

About the gym incident, I was quite surprised, when all things turned into s different direction. I haven't noticed, that at the unconfortable moment, there was another guy in the gym, who saw what happened. I met that guy about a month ago in school and we had a few talks so we kinda know each other. And few days after he saw, what happened there, he asked me, why do I keep that "clever one" talk to me and let him critize everything I do. He told me, that I should stop listen to him and start excercise for myself. Not for him. (And I came up with solution. I started to go to gym with my classmate, I'd maybe call my best friend.) And the effect of him is amazing. I have someone to talk with about stuff I like, he does not criticize me and the clever fella see, I'm busy and does not annoy me.) I have to admit, that I was kinda disregarded people in school. Yes, most of them are wankers, but there are some guys, that are actually nice. (Two days ago, my classmate asked me, if I still need to take antidepressants and I had really nice talk with him about anxiety problems. He does not suffer with any anxiety related problems, but he was still really understanding and I really enjoyed talking with him.)

On the other hand, it seems I lost one of my very close friends. I met her this april on the internet. (She lived sooo far away in Greece.) We have been talking every single day this summer and I'd say, that she was the only good thing about this summer. We had so much fun. And now she dissapeared. She doesn't reply to my messages and I'm afraid, that she's angry at me or that the just doesn't want to talk with me, despite I have no idea why. I don't think, I did anything wrong. (I't probably just my personlity. Everyone will do this at the end. She's not the first one, who dissapeared like that. This happened to me before, and I have no idea why. Maybe some people just hate me.)

About the girl, that is probably gonna be part of my future, this story is soooo complicated, but I think that if I'll handle this right, I'll be the happiest person in the solar system!! About six months ago, this girl was the main source of my worries and the main trigger of my anxiety. I was really afraid, that I'm gonna lose her and I was sometimes a bit rude to her, because I was feeling really bad and I had her permanently in my head. I was unable to think about something else. And at the end of all of this I got my first panic attack ever. 26th of may this year. The day, when my anxiety turned at the whole new level. I thought, that she is not interested in me anymore, since my Anxiety started to ruin everything and I decided to end it up with her, because I didn't want to make her feel unconfortable with me. But I was shocked, when she said, she doesn't want to end anything. (I thought, that I'm annoying and she wants to be free, but apparently I was wrong.) So I asked her for two weeks. She gave me two weeks to make myself feel better and tomorrow is the day, I'm gonna see her again. (I'm so nervous!!) :D But what she said to me was a trigger, that convinced me, that I should stay with her. Maybe I made mistakes, but she seems to have some good feelings about me and that's what I need. (I'm just still afraid.) And I'm sorry for my writing being so hazy. I hope, that these sentences are making sense somehow. :)

Please tell me your opinions, your tips are always really inspirational for me!! I have a lot of things to write, but for now, this is enough. I'm gonna see my dream girl again, and that means, she's the priority number one!! :)

Can't wait to read your reply. Take care, Shard! :)
Bookmark and Share
I'm a soul trapped inside of body.

Offline kconnors

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1465
  • Country: ca
  • Rec's: 57
  • Gender: Female
  • Mood: Calm
    Calm
  • Personal text
    • Poke This Member
Re: Woke up feeling sick and lonely
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2014, 10:03:10 PM »
Great news that you are moving forward . . . the two voices are not unusual . . . you have to pay attention to the one that says you are doing great because that is your reality . . . the other one that makes you feel you wasted your time is just anxiety trying to pull you back in . . . you are changing and beginning to manage your anxiety and anxiety is not happy with that . . . yep, in anxiety's mind, it wants to make you feel that you will never be able to get back the last summer . . . the truth is, no, you won't be able to get back last summer but you are now building a stronger and better present and future . . . what you now have is perspective . . . you can look back on last summer without regret because, just maybe, had last summer not happened, well, perhaps you would not be gathering the strength to forge who you want to be and break the control that your family has been exerting on you . . . no one wants to experience what you went through, but you did get through it and you learned from it . . . don't let anxiety create a present full of resentment and bitterness for something that you cannot change . . . make it a building block to go forward and not a chain to hold you back . . . you are now taking back the power that anxiety had taken from you so focus on what your past means for your present but do not let it control you because you are indeed greater than anxiety . . . .

Wow! so the gym incident had a positive outcome . . . a new friend and another one who appears to be able to relate to you and your anxiety even though he does not experience it . . . it may just be that your inner strength is beginning to shine through again and perhaps you are giving off vibes of welcoming folks into your world . . . you are right . . .  a lot of people are wankers and it is just seeing people in action that we know who they really are . . . the effect of going with this guy to the gym is positive because he is allowing you to be you . . . and that is super . . .and yes, you may have disregarded people in school, but you were in a different mindset . . . you are now beginning to sort things out on your own terms . . . . there will always be bumps in life . . . .the trick is to deal with them and let them go . . .

Yep, sometimes people do fade  . . . it would be nice if they told you why but as I mentioned in one of my other emails, we cannot control anyone but ourselves . . . . she may have met someone else; her life may have moved in another direction . . . indeed it was rude for her not to respond, but sometimes people simply do not know what to say or don't want confrontation or, and you have to realize, Internet relationships are pretty fragile . . . .you really don't know the other person except for what they say about themselves . . . sometimes it's the truth; sometimes half-truth; and sometimes not the truth at all . . . take away the following message: you did your best, now let it go . . . if she comes back into your life, exercise a bit of care . . . it is not your personality as she was the person who did not follow up . . . .if you feel that maybe you were relying too much on her, well, you were honest in your needs . . . as for other people who just "disappear", don't assume the blame because that leads to guilt which anxiety just loves to have as fuel . . . now, that is not to say, you should not reflect on who you are . . . . ask yourself if you might have distanced yourself from people as anxiety tends to want to isolate us . . . in this fashion, we lose objectivity of the real reality . . . . we each can improve but don't assume it is you . . . .and I think that there are very few people who hate you . . . . they may want to control you and fail so they may not like the fact that you are beginning to become the person you want to be but that is not your issue; that is their issue . . . as long as you are honest and you do not use people, then I think that your inner strength will guide you appropriately.

The girl in your life sounds as if she is someone who is very mature . . . when you are in a relationship, you need to communicate . . . .although your intentions of protecting her were noble, ending the relationship should happen only after you both discuss the issue . . . .and you see what happened? she told you that she did not want to end the relationship . . . .okay, the two weeks are up . . . .be honest with her . . . you are doing much better, but you recognize that you are involved in a process to heal yourself completely . . . . engage her in a conversation about her needs and goals and if she is able to continue the journey with you . . . . . . .I know that it is difficult not to be nervous, but remember that you are so much stronger now as an individual and you will manage the situation . . .

We all make mistakes . . .but the smart people learn from them. If you are looking for perfection, well, I have quite a few more miles of experience than you and I have never encountered perfection . . . perfection means that we no longer have potential to become increasingly better . . . . just go for near perfection where you are comfortable with yourself and you can make those near and dear to you comfortable also . . . Remember: you are beginning to become the person you want to be; she already liked the person you were. So, stay strong and confident . . . .

Your writing is just fine and it is great to hear from you whenever you can post . . . . take care of yourself, value yourself, and know that you are of unique and positive worth not only for us in the forum but for everyone who has contact with you. . . . so, remember to shine as brightly as you can for yourself and everyone else . . .take care, kc

Bookmark and Share

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
0 Replies
1061 Views
Last post January 04, 2010, 09:49:29 AM
by loveautumn021
1 Replies
1473 Views
Last post February 07, 2011, 10:31:02 AM
by GreenThumb
3 Replies
665 Views
Last post April 14, 2011, 10:52:19 AM
by Outtacontrol
2 Replies
295 Views
Last post May 02, 2013, 01:32:18 AM
by Artman9865
5 Replies
709 Views
Last post November 28, 2013, 08:37:44 AM
by tinam7