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Author Topic: Cant take it anymore..  (Read 226 times)

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Offline marie204430

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Cant take it anymore..
« on: August 31, 2014, 09:27:19 PM »
I hate lymph nodes especially. But I hate cancer (I'm sure everyone does). But I have no life anymore. My life is worrying about cancer.
To me, there are just so many damn things that can go catastrophically wrong in our body that I can't handle it. I feel like if I have fun for a day then that is when cancer will creep up on me. I hear stories of healthy people randomly finding a lump and being diagnosed with terminal illness out of nowhere and it terrifies me.
i'm finding ligaments and fatty deposits and comparing them to the other side of my body .

When I get over cancer of the tonsils for example (after many doctors and nights of worrying), I jump onto another cancer that fits a similar description. I like to sleep all day but lately, sleep hasn't even let me escape. I've been taking melatonin to help sleep but I feel like they've been giving me nightmares so I'm off those now too.
I doubt I'll even go back to school..I just can't do it anymore.

I can't afford therapy and free psychiatrists have a year waiting list..I stay on the forum all day and be sad. I don't even cry anymore because I feel like I've just accepted I'm dying. I have moments of clarity but they're nothing compared to strong moments of being certain I am dying..

I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I hope I have..I hope there is nowhere lower to go than this. I have so many irrational fears...
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Offline mollyfin

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Re: Cant take it anymore..
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2014, 09:43:25 PM »
Yeah, the uncertainty of never being 100% sure we won't get X disease is scary for sure.  I've heard people say here that learning how to deal with that was key in getting control over their anxiety.  I haven't figured it out myself, but I do find it hopeful that other people have.  No reason we won't someday be able to work it out too, if we keep at it. 

I wish I had helpful advice for it, but like I said, I haven't figured it out either. 
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