The biggest frustration is doing well and then taking steps back. I guess that is why I am writing this. Because I can easily fall away tonight. I have been doing all of my anti-anxiety things and doing well overall. Happier and more positive than I have been in a long time. Then it happens. I find something. Actually thinking I found something on my son (which is nothing but started the panic like feelings) and then on myself (felt something I wasn't even looking for - how true is the statement that if you look, you will find). And yet again, panic. And why? I know I was at the dr for a checkup last month. All was awesomely well. I know my body is not asymmetrical. Everything is soft, nothing hard (it is lumpiness that triggers me). Yet I need to make sure. It's like.... I am the one with the problem ... The problem that my body is not the way I want it to be! How crazy is that?!?!. I don't want to 'feel' anything on it - no lumps or asymmetry - but that's not the way it is ...but that is how I want it to be! This is so frustrating! And you are the only guys who get it! No one else in my life has HA! So thus, I am kinda venting my frustrations tonight instead of panicking and continually self checking. Just thankful for this site & the awesome people on it. Thank you guys for reading.