Do lately my anxiety has been really low. Shockingly low. Except for the odd "nocturnal panic attack" I've been my old self most days.
However, today I was reading an article about a goalkeeper who is now retiring from a heart condition. The article named the condition as a 3 letter abbreviation that I can no longer recall. I didn't understand it so I googled it. Bad move. In one swift silly decision I brought back many feeling of a anxieties and worries about my own heart. Chest pains and my breathing felt weird. I'm still anxious about it even though I know it's only because I googled it.
Anyway just now I was infront of computer on google lookin up something and I noticed if I looked at my monitor a certain way and blinked I could see this blue spot for a second after I opened my eyes after blinking. Immediately I opened up google and began typing it in. I stopped myself before I searched it but now obviously I am worried and anxious about it.
So annoyed that I broke my resistance to google purely by accident and now I am back where I was 2 weeks ago. So now I am standing in front of a white wall trying to recreate the effect but of course I can't