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Author Topic: an introduction to me.  (Read 74 times)

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Offline Rebeka

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an introduction to me.
« on: August 27, 2014, 12:42:58 PM »
hi, my names Rebeka.
i don't really know where to start as just talking about my feelings brings my anxiety through the roof.
just thinking of what to write here is giving me ridiculous anxiety. Ive had anxiety since i was 12 maybe... I'm currently 24 years old. Depression has always been apart of my life. (diagnosed with bi polar type 2, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, OCD and anxiety disorder)

What brought me here today is that for four years now Ive been with my partner... and its very hard for me to express my true feelings as i see them as worthless... so the other day when i had enough of crying in bed alone i just told him how i felt. even though i was angry and incredibly sad, i was spoke to him more soundly and calmly  than i ever had in my life. so what needed to be said was said. So im sitting there kind of brought back on how well i told him what i needed to and i started to get dissociated (very familiar with) but this time the room started closing in and my heart started to jump in odd beats and it felt like someone was on my chest...and then it hit me... i couldn't move. and i started to panic. When i get claustrophobic i just go outside and im fine... but this... i couldn't move i couldn't stand... so i was panicking over the room closing in and also the fact that i was paralyzed from the neck down. it lasted about 4 mins... then i was able to start moving then i FREAKED out i felt SO ALONE. i was trembling and crying. i was so afraid. i held onto my partner like i was a baby sloth holding onto his mom for dear life. i was so scared. then after i stopped crying and hyperventilating i became ashamed of myself and crawled up into a ball and became like catatonic. i didn't want to move. didn't want to breath, even the thought of talking was out of the question. 20 minutes after that i was laughing at the TV. Ive NEVER had such intense emotions all combined within an hour. each emotion i felt was like EXTREME.

So... couple days pass... day to day, when i start having anxiety, i fear another panic attack. Yesterday was such an incredibly stressful day. my sons teething his back molars so hes like almost starving himself, and my daughter having a growth spurt so shes eating clock round. i kept telling myself its okay. for 4 hours i kept saying it over and over to reassure myself. when to put them both down for a nap... and a panic attack hit me again wen i was crying in the bathroom. was curled up in a ball for like 30minutes. didn't want to move. didn't want to do nothing. im so scared to become catatonic...
i love my children to bits...
i want to be the best for them.
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Offline superapple

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Re: an introduction to me.
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2014, 12:59:11 PM »
Hi Rebeka,  :action-smiley-065:

Welcome to AnxietyZone forums, here you will find plenty of people who will understand you and have problems that you have or similar. To get started create a post in one of the categories, if you need any help just PM one of the helpful staff and they will help you, there are chat rooms that you can join but you must be 18 or over and to be able to have access to them you must create 3 meaningful posts first.

- SuperApple  :happy0151:
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If I don't reply to your post send me a PM with the link to the post or send me the message :)

Offline Jughead87

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Re: an introduction to me.
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2014, 11:28:16 AM »
Welcome Rebeka.
Im a 27yr old stay at home dad and I feel the over coming feeling of "freaking out" sometimes and becoming catatonic. I sometimes feel bad because my anxiety / panic attacks is triggered mostly in a vehicle. Its hard for me to leave the house and I always think that when my son gets older he's going to look down on me and think of me badly because I can't leave the house with him and mom. I hope to have my fear and panic attacks taken care of by then but at times I catch myself in the corner crying because I wish I was a better dad and husband at times even though when the wife is home and the son (3yrs old) is here Im the greatest, center of gravity you can say and I love it but I can't go and enjoy things like going to the zoo or the park an that kills me at times.
I stay optimistic and cross my fingers that things will get back to normal like they once were and push on. It can only get better with proper treatment and positive thinking.
Best of luck Rebeka and be sure to get up move around and do something that will keep your mind active and not focus on the anxiety or what it is that might trigger a panic attack. Read my long post if you have the time about my little history.
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Sincerely,
Josh

Anxiety / Panic Attacks / Mid Depression

Offline Never-Quit

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Re: an introduction to me.
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2014, 04:22:00 PM »
Hi Rebeka, :action-smiley-065:

".. but this... i couldn't move i couldn't stand... so i was panicking over the room closing in and also the fact that i was paralyzed from the neck down. it lasted about 4 mins... then i was able to start moving then i FREAKED out i felt SO ALONE. i was trembling and crying. i was so afraid. i held onto my partner like i was a baby sloth holding onto his mom for dear life. i was so scared. then after i stopped crying and hyperventilating i became ashamed of myself and crawled up into a ball and became like catatonic. i didn't want to move. didn't want to breath, even the thought of talking was out of the question. 20 minutes after that i was laughing at the TV. Ive NEVER had such intense emotions all combined within an hour. each emotion i felt was like EXTREME."

You have experienced a full fledged Panic Attack - not an anxiety attack - this is almost identical what I had at one time, and forget about trying to explain the TERROR of these attacks to someone who has never had one!  ::)

The good news is these Panic Attacks that come from a biological chemical imbalance, can be quickly halted and treated.  And I am speaking from first-hand experience. :yes:



You have found a great Forum, with many great supportive people - that like myself - know exactly what you are experiencing.

Welcome, :sign0169:

I happy you joining us, please let myself or anyone of our supportive members answer any questions or concerns you may have.

I want to point out a great resource - that will help you immensely - that "No, you are  not losing your mind", "It is a common problem", "You are not alone" and there are answers and solutions.  There is no shame, or guilt allowed - It is something that is not your fault!


Here is a resource I want you to look at:

                                   
                                    SELF-DIAGNOSIS AND SELF-TESTS

                                    http://www.anxietyzone.com/NIMHpanic.pdf - PANIC DISORDER + SELF-TEST
                                            I have chest pains or a racing heart.  I have a hard time breathing or a choking feeling.
                                            I feel dizzy, or I sweat a lot.  I have stomach problems or feel like I need to throw up.
                                            I shake, tremble, or tingle. I feel out of control. I feel unreal.
                                            I am afraid I am dying or going crazy.




Let us know if you have any questions or concerns, always feel free to contact me  :winking0008:

Again, Welcome  :action-smiley-065:
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Never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."   ~ John Wooden

 

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