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Author Topic: How to deal with loved ones who have anxiety worse than you.  (Read 94 times)

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Offline Scye27

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How to deal with loved ones who have anxiety worse than you.
« on: August 26, 2014, 05:22:26 PM »
Title says it all. I have enough anxiety, but when my partner has an anxiety attack, I fear he will lose his job, because it really sounds like he might. He refuses to do work and cannot handle easy situations. He doesn't take any of the tips I give (I'm in customer service also), I never tell him to calm down because I know that's bad to say to someone with extreme anxiety and depression. He is on medicine and most days is fine. Some days, he is a complete mess, which makes me even more anxious about finances.

I just don't know how to deal with it. I always try to have a calm voice, never whiny or condescending in my tone. I've looked up information on what to say and how to say it, but it never works with him. I do give him space when he asks for it, or when I see him close himself off with his body language. These days are the worst.

Any tips?
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: How to deal with loved ones who have anxiety worse than you.
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2014, 05:26:35 AM »
If it was me, I would be saying ' listen we are going through the same thing, let us work as one '. You might have tried this already. It is a bit like saying, we have to stop working as if we are two different people. The problems we have are similar enough. Alone we might not over come them as we would like. Together we would be able to make a better shot of it. You help me and I will help you. So he feels like he is actually helping you as well. It is not just you helping him. If I am to be honest, it can make for a disaster at times if both in a relationship have anxiety. Life can be tough at the best of times. Add in the anxiety with both of you and it can become a nightmare. But working together would be the best way forward. That is just my opinion.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Offline Trying

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Re: How to deal with loved ones who have anxiety worse than you.
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2014, 10:51:46 AM »
Scye, I could have written your post.  I am dealing with a husband who has moderate to severe HA and it has in turn driven my anxiety through the roof also.  Luckily for me it has not interfered too badly with work but it has caused probably ten days this year off of work (and he does not get paid for time off).  Another compounding factor is that my husband, until about a week ago, would not acknowledge that he had an issue.  He has admitted that he has an anxiety issue and has been given Xanax and a beta blocker (for a very slight arr.) and for a week now all has been quite good.  Now I can't tell you if that is because it is actually helping or he is just not telling me how he is feeling, but I am pretty good at gauging his anxiety level and I think it is actually helping.

For myself I do have an RX for Xanax that is almost two years old that I have been using.  It is only .25 and I actually split the pills in half and it is taking enough of the edge off.  I have an appt for my yearly physical next month and plan on talking to my GP about my anxiety issues.  I hate having to admit that I need help, but between home stresses with hubby and my extremely stressful job, I NEED HELP.

The only advice I have is to try and talk to him about his issues.  Has he seen a dr?  or therapy?  If he is anything like my husband therapy is off the table, no way, no how will he ever do that.

Also, the advise that was given to me on this board is to take care of yourself!  If you are in a bad place, it will make his place worse.  Visit the dr. and get yourself taken care of before trying to tackle his issues.  I wish you luck, it is not an easy position to be in.  On the best days it is only frustrating.
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Offline Scye27

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Re: How to deal with loved ones who have anxiety worse than you.
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2014, 08:39:47 PM »
Thanks guys. He is better today, which makes me better. He works at home, so he never really gets out. My family has a history of all the women having constant worry.When someone says they have a problem, we try to find a solution rather than just listening and empathizing. This is one thing I need to work on. His work was very understanding, which is great. He did look into free therapy sessions through work because he currently doesn't have insurance, but there were only podcasts and articles.

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