Scye, I could have written your post. I am dealing with a husband who has moderate to severe HA and it has in turn driven my anxiety through the roof also. Luckily for me it has not interfered too badly with work but it has caused probably ten days this year off of work (and he does not get paid for time off). Another compounding factor is that my husband, until about a week ago, would not acknowledge that he had an issue. He has admitted that he has an anxiety issue and has been given Xanax and a beta blocker (for a very slight arr.) and for a week now all has been quite good. Now I can't tell you if that is because it is actually helping or he is just not telling me how he is feeling, but I am pretty good at gauging his anxiety level and I think it is actually helping.
For myself I do have an RX for Xanax that is almost two years old that I have been using. It is only .25 and I actually split the pills in half and it is taking enough of the edge off. I have an appt for my yearly physical next month and plan on talking to my GP about my anxiety issues. I hate having to admit that I need help, but between home stresses with hubby and my extremely stressful job, I NEED HELP.
The only advice I have is to try and talk to him about his issues. Has he seen a dr? or therapy? If he is anything like my husband therapy is off the table, no way, no how will he ever do that.
Also, the advise that was given to me on this board is to take care of yourself! If you are in a bad place, it will make his place worse. Visit the dr. and get yourself taken care of before trying to tackle his issues. I wish you luck, it is not an easy position to be in. On the best days it is only frustrating.