Hoo boy, right after I wrote that post I was able to snap myself out of it. My cure largely rests in not googling and telling myself I'm being ridiculous. It usually works well enough, but for some reason, I wasn't ready to move onto that at the moment I wrote that. By last night, I was much better though!!
Then, this morning, my son woke up with mild fever, sore throat, and stuffy nose. It was his first day of school, and his teacher encouraged me to leave him at school despite the mild cold. But, having him out of sight all day really freaked me out. we really did snort a TON of water at that lake. I started feeling better as the day went on, and then I picked him up and he seemed pretty well, so my fear is gone again.
I appreciate your disdain for my remark, fish (i really do). I use these boards as a way to explore my feelings. Bottom line, I think of HA as a choice I make and, for whatever reason, sometimes choosing HA "feels" good. i don't know why that is. maybe its my way of being self-indulgent in a life where I don't feel challenged (i'm currently a stay at home mom despite being very career oriented) and where i seem to exist to serve other people ( SAHM thing again). I mean, that is just a guess because I really don't know. It's just me psychoanalyzing myself. And trying to figure it all out.