Hi guys, I haven't been on here for a few days because I was sort of doing an experiment over the last few days. I have been trying to pretend and ultimately forget about my health worries and see if my anxiety would stop.
Friday I got Chinese food, spicy Chinese food. I am not sure why I decided to get it but I guess I decided that if I really had Acid Reflux and other stomach problems that my Doctor has said I have. This Chinese would cause me problems. So I ordered it. It was good, I enjoyed it and I had no issues what so ever. Friday was a success.
Saturday then I went across the country for a 3 hour drive to visit a friend. We drank a fair bit, 4 bottles and 5 pints was what I consumed over a 7 hour period ended the night with a pizza. Again, if I had Acid Reflux or other apparent digestive problems surely I would have felt something right? So I slept fine Saturday night. Had no pains and no worries of my own imminent death.
Sunday, woke up, felt fine. We all went out for a 4 hour golf round. Came back, had some cake and other junk food and then went on another 3 hour car journey home. Still no anxiety all weekend! Nothing. No pains, no sickness, no headaches absolutely nothing! Incredible! I had a normal weekend where I felt like myself again.
So why am I on here? Well, when I got home and everything quietened down and I had time to think and be on my own I started to feel sick. First was nausea and then came the old familiar sensation of being unable to breath and that I was going to die of asphyxiation. My Doctor told me that a key to beating your anxiety is finding its trigger, what causes it. While I might argue that its being alone that causes it I dont think it is because I can be alone at other times and feel absolutely fine. I think however, my friend started to feel unwell when I was chatting to him on ***** and concepts of his death by various horrific illnesses flashed through my head which has since triggered my anxiety. So I guess I am on here for 2 reasons. The first being I am pretty happy that I was capable of having a weekend where I felt normal and pretty much anxiety free. The second being that even after my weekend and all the hours of complete anxiety freedom, I have once again been struck with feelings of it.
I am absolutely astounded that all my anxiety feelings can come back so quickly and so easily. Even now I am lying in bed an I feel nothing like the same person of the last 2 nights. I feel different and broken and sick to my stomach.