Hi! By no means is this an attempt to go out and say "Wow I get a bit anxious around people, I MUST have social anxiety, poor me"- I definitely don't want to try to diagnose myself with this if it's not the case, as it's kind of insensitive towards those who do suffer from it! I also apologize in advance if this is long, but it'd be amazing if someone read through it (or even skimmed through it! :))
I was just looking for some insight, as it's been pointed out to me recently that the way I feel around people isn't exactly normal. I guess I'll get straight to the point by giving a few examples. Around my parents, I don't feel anxious at all, and I can 100% be myself. (I'm 15 by the way, if that's relevant at all.) Around my two best friends, I'm pretty much myself, but I still often feel like I say things that are "dumb". Around my huge group of friends (about 20 girls) I feel like I'm not as good as them, almost like I don't belong, and I often refrain from saying things as I'm worried that they'll think it's stupid/dumb. Around my other friends, whom I don't feel as intimidated by, I'm super outgoing and I'm able to be myself, as for some reason, I just feel more able to be myself. Today, I went to a concert with my best friend and two other friends, and we got to hang out a bit with the band performing, as we've known them for pretty long and we get the opportunity to hang around with them pretty often. I always find myself telling myself that they don't like me, or that they think I'm ugly/stupid/weird, and as a result, my mind goes blank around them, I get anxious, and I feel like anything that I say is irrelevant/unneeded. I almost kind of feel like I don't think before I speak, and so I feel that everything I say makes absolutely so sense/is stupid. I get self-conscious, and I repeatedly tell myself that I don't know how toact around these guys, and that these guys like my friends a lot more, as they're pretty, funny, and outgoing. I kind of end up just staying pretty quiet, which is so unlike the real me. I get nervous when we take pictures with them, and I kind of tell myself that I'm embarrassing myself, as I'll look bad in the photos anyways. I always worry that I look weird/appear strange physically, so I always try my best to 100% be caught up with the latest fashion trends, and I always make sure to make my hair and makeup as "perfect" as possible (I know perfect isn't a real thing, but I try my best to at least look decent). After hanging out with them, I always find myself getting embarrassed/ashamed of the way I acted, and I continually tell myself that I seriously need to work on acting more normal next time if I want them to like me. For all I know, the guys could think im acting completely normal, and I may just be overanalyzing everything. Another example is when I'm hanging out with my friends in a large group, I often find myself thinking that I'm unwanted, and a bother to my friends. When it comes to the time where we all take pictures together, I kind of just wish I could disappear, because everyone's taking photos and asking one another to be in each other's photos, and I kind of feel too intimidated/shy to just hop in the photos, because I'm too afraid that they secretly don't like me and that I'd annoy them. (I'm kind of paranoid, as we have this one girl in our group of friends who we don't really like but we invite her places because we feel bad- so I get kind of nervous that it's the same case for me!) Lastly, I also get extremely anxious around boys, as in 6th grade, my ex "boyfriend" told me that all his guy friends hated me, and they thought I was ugly. Ever since then, I've had some trouble being anything but silent around those select guys and basically guys in general, apart from my guy friends.
I tried to summarize this as best as I could, so does anyone have some insight? Am I just lacking a little confidence, or do I have slight social anxiety? (I already have OCD, emetephobia, and hypochondria.) Is there anything I can do to stop this? Thanks so much! :)