I don't know if this is the best category for this, but here goes.
My anxiety peaked last year (2013) around August when I had a health scare. Turns out I was ok but it broke my brain because I worried so much and got so terrified I just had a meltdown. I was barely functioning, went to the hospital for help and everything. Really high anxiety, extremely bad with all the bells and whistles. I feel like I'm still not fully recovered from it, that it's taken months and months to try and get myself back together. I feel scarred by it.
We moved from canada to US and we're staying with my mom so living on her living room floor since December 2013. No money, no direction, tons of bills, pressures and so on. Hubby's family in Canada driving me crazy because all my stuff is up there and I need them to send it down and I don't trust them with good reason. Hubby and I constantly fighting. I have untreated sleep apnea but trying to use my CPAP again this week. I have insomnia and my mom sometimes stays up really late and makes noise, watches TV, etc. Incredibly hard to sleep here. And more I won't bother getting into.
So on to my brain. I have been having, over the past year - 2 years or so, problems with my thinking.
- The past month or two I have had a lot of depersonalization/derealization.
- I have trouble finding the word I want to use.
- My memory isn't as good. I can forget a word I just said and then I ask, "What did I just say?" because my brain thinks I said a different word. (that's just this past couple of weeks or so.)
- When I see someone sometimes my brain says that person is another person. Like I will look at my daughter and think it's my niece (similar age). Or I will see my niece who is 18 in the living room (she usually hibernates in her room) and think she's still in her room even though she's right in front of me. I'm not used to her being out of her room so my brain doesn't "update" the info very fast.
- I feel sleepy and in a dream all the time, like I never completely am awake and alert. I can fall asleep any time if I close my eyes. I am always exhausted.
- When I read, I see the wrong word or letters sometimes. I literally SEE another (similar) word for a nanosecond. It's like my brain is having a hiccup. Then it changes to what it really is. Like yesterday I was looking up episodes of Once Upon a Time and one is called "Save Henry". I saw it as "Slave Henry" (I thought Pan had taken him as a slave because Henry at the time I was watching was captured by Pan, though I don't know if that had anything to do with my line of thinking.) I looked away and looked again and it was "Slave Henry" again for a second. Then I read it as Save. I looked away and back and for a nanosecond (barely perceptible) it was Slave again. What the heck is that? Exhausted brain?
- When I write I screw up the letters a lot. I transpose letters, leave out letters or words etc.
- I can have nanoseconds where I just feel groggy/tired/confused
- lately I find I have to rewind stuff or ask people to repeat themselves because I can't always make out their words. Granted sometimes people talk fast or garbled but still I feel like I'm having to double check more often just this past week.
- I have sinus migraines and a month ago had an aura/ocular migraine. I had not had an aura since 2008.
There's probably more but I'm really scared of losing my mind. I'm only 41. I keep thinking dire stuff. I saw a neurologist last year in Canada who did the office evaluation but I had left before I had an MRI because it takes months to get one up there. My doc down here doesn't even want to refer me to a neurologist because he thinks it's just sleep deprivation and anxiety.
I was on 20 mg of Celexa and now I am on 10. I have been messing up the dose tho, I don't take it every day tho I try to remember. I was also on a lot of Xanax last year -- .5 three times a day (1.5 mg a day) when I was at my worst.
I was on .5 at night only for a few months and then I reduced it to .25 and then went cold turkey off that. Can I have withdrawal from .25 xanax once a day if I was taking it for like over 6 months? (The xanax I have been on for years at low dose, maybe past 2 years or so because Canada had been incredibly stressful for me.)
Thanks for reading. Anyone experience weird brain /thinking stuff like this?