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Author Topic: Single, 50, no kids and alone  (Read 211 times)

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Offline never quit

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Single, 50, no kids and alone
« on: August 23, 2014, 08:29:08 AM »
Does everyone in the world have a family but me? I keep seeing all these happy family units everywhere and everyone, everyone I work with is married they talk about their kids all the time and I think about getting old and sick and being alone and it just make me feel like a freak. I know this is a part of my anxiety. I never got married and haven't had a serious girlfriend, except for one, in 12 or 13 years or so. I'm fit and attractive and financially secure. Except for the basket case level of anxiety, I'm quite the catch. But I'm kind of stuck in a routine where anxiety is king and I'm set in my ways, and oh wah, what a whiny post. Boo.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2014, 09:17:08 AM »
Believe it or not, even with a mate and kids, we can feel quite alone and our task is how to carry on. Kids are far away, mate has his own interests. Goes on motor trips while I can't abide the road. No extended family, no close friends.

I live in terror of what the end can bring (disability, dementia, etc.) and so am always on the look out re getting out before the sky falls in. In the meantime I have my interests, activities, efforts to over come anxiety, fear, worries, depression, etc. Learned CBT and ACT. Like being a student of human nature and our psyche. Perhaps we are just loners. My early years point to that. Nothing wrong with it, really, except as we are judged otherwise by others. We like to march to our own drum.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2014, 09:30:43 AM »
45 single. No kids. Can't ever see the second part changing. Think I have grown so used to my own company. But I do get to look after kids. Once you have none, people assume you want some, and they give you theirs.  :laugh3: I do have my regular little visitor or two. Friend's kids. I can easily drop to their level. But who knows what the future holds for any of us. Easy to say one thing now. That could all change and surprise even us in a year or two.
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Offline NeverAgain2

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2014, 10:17:26 AM »
Does everyone in the world have a family but me? I keep seeing all these happy family units everywhere and everyone, everyone I work with is married they talk about their kids all the time and I think about getting old and sick and being alone and it just make me feel like a freak. I know this is a part of my anxiety. I never got married and haven't had a serious girlfriend, except for one, in 12 or 13 years or so. I'm fit and attractive and financially secure. Except for the basket case level of anxiety, I'm quite the catch. But I'm kind of stuck in a routine where anxiety is king and I'm set in my ways, and oh wah, what a whiny post. Boo.

Same here.  Lonliness plays a part, I believe, in a lot of anxiety.  However, if you met a great women tomorrow, because your anxiety is "king",  it would probably ramp up even more, because anxiety/stress can be cause by bad and good things, especially "life changing" ones.   And then that relationship might be ruined by your anxiety. 

There are many of us of both sexes living alone.   To worry about when you are sick and old is pointless.  I've done it myself.  The only thing you can do is prepare for that day somehow with insurance or whatever, and/or just live each day in the present. Hate to say it, but nobody is guranteed even the next hour.

I'm not going to offer the suggestion of joing clubs and stuff, because often it just isn't the right thing for many people, including me.



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Offline worldbeat99

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2014, 11:30:54 AM »
It's funny but 8 times out of 10, I read anxiety posts.  And they're almost all married with kids.

I'm a gay single man, 55.  But the good news is I'm recovering from GAD and dating here and there.
I do think it's great for an anxious person to have a partner for company.  But I have a good circle of friends
and you can't hurry love, as the song says.
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Offline NeverAgain2

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2014, 01:59:27 PM »
It's funny but 8 times out of 10, I read anxiety posts.  And they're almost all married with kids.



Being lonely together can be worse than being lonely alone. 
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Offline never quit

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2014, 04:00:24 PM »
Thank you everyone. My folks are dead and I only communicate with one sister who lives a thousand miles from me. And I live in the most self-absorbed city in America, Washington, D.C. Talk about being together alone... I see couples at restaurants ignoring each other and doing crap on their smart phones.

Anyway, I DO have people around, I just need to notice it and appreciate it more. I play in this band where everyone is so kind and sweet and supportive. And work is insane, but also supportive. And I started going to a church that I like a lot. So I am doing my best. There was a time when I thought work was enough to sustain me and I didn't need anyone. That attitude put me in the hospital.

I just wish this crap would go away, but don't we all?
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Offline CarrieAnn

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Re: Single, 50, no kids and alone
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2014, 09:59:52 PM »
I am alone a lot, but I don't always feel lonely.  I am married with no children....tried to have children, but it wasn't in our cards.  I think solitude can be a good thing sometimes, quiet can help the mind focus on what's important.  There are many people who live on my block that are single w/ no kids.  The man next door lost his partner a couple years ago.....my Dad lives on the other side of me---he is alone.....the man next door to my Dad is single w/no kids, and he is in his 50's (I think he prefers his life that way though)......the man across the street who owns the restaurant is single, no kids, but has a dog. 

I suppose in my area it is the norm, to be single w/no kids!  But yeah, it's all a state of mind----there are people out there who are not alone but still lonely  :yes:

I think one of the reasons I don't feel too lonely is I have a dog (Pug)  :happy0151:  I highly recommend having a pet----Pugs in particular were bred to be companions----be forewarned though, they snore!

Take care! :)
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